Smellyann Strikes Again

Thanks.

Wow. So my traffic to this little ol' blahg really spiked on Sunday, when I posted about being Bipolar and thusly disabled.

I expected some negativity. I expected some backlash. I expected, frankly, some nastiness.

There may have been some, I don't know, but I haven't been privy to it! Everything I've heard from you folks has been positive. And I really appreciate that.

 

So thanks. That's all I want to say here. Just, thanks.

Fin.

Happify

For a few months now, I've been on a website called Happify. The founders contacted me through my blog, asking me to help them start the site, and I've been there since just about the beginning. It's wonderful.

On the site, you learn how add more happiness to your life.

Sounds simple, right?

But there's a science behind it. Really! It's a skill you can control, and like exercise, the more activities you do to build this skill, the happier you can become.

Happify uses a scientific framework, STAGE, to help you master the five essential happiness skills. STAGE stands for:

S - Savor

T - Thank

A - Aspire

G - Give

E - Empathize

and each skill has specific activities designed to help you learn to improve your happiness level.

Honestly, I love this site, and it works. Every two weeks, the site prompts you take a happiness test to see how you're doing on the spectrum, and I've noticed a marked increase in my score since starting on Happify. Sure, I go up and down like everybody else, but overall I think the skills and activities have helped me achieve a more positive outlook and a mindfulness about being happy that I might not have reached alone.

So join me on Happify if you think this would help you. You can find me here, so be sure and "follow" me, and I'll follow you back. Oh, that's another thing. You can click and comment on each others' activities (or keep yours private) to help cheer each other on! I think that's a fabulous asset, as we don't normally give ourselves those much-needed pats on the back. (At least I don't.)

Disclosure: I'm a member of Happify, but I have received nothing in exchange for this post. I have received no compensation or incentive; I just love this website and want to share with you! Oh - I did get a t-shirt, but that was just because I asked.☺

Fin.

In Which I AM Disabled

Alternatively titled, "Conversations With My Self"

(If you respond, please be kind. This post is intensely personal, and my psyche is a fragile one.)

Hey, there.

If you're writing this, then you're me; if you're reading it, you're probably not me, so let me allow you into my brain for a little while to paint the picture of what being disabled by a mental illness might be like:

First, let me link you to this page about whether being bipolar is a disability as characterized by the Social Security Administration or not. (It is.)

Second, let me explain, in case you're new here:

I've experienced many traumas in my life, including the sudden and unexpected death of my mother (she was 33; I was 7) as a child and the subsequent extreme mental abuse I endured from The Bitch From Hell that my dad started dating, oh, three months later (oops, is my bitterness apparent?) and married within a year.

I believe that in addition to genetics (at least depression on both sides of my family) and my personal neurobiology, those two things were critical in my becoming what lesser-educated individuals in society might term "a mental case."

{During my adolescence, I attempted suicide several dozen times. I tried using my bedroom window as a guillotine. I tried so many times to slice my wrists, but I was too much the wimp. At least a half-dozen times, I went through the house taking three or four of every medication I could find - including my evil stepmother's heart meds - and was so pissed off when I woke up the following day. I tried suffocating myself, either by stringing a line from corner to corner of my room and resting my chin on it (something I'd heard would work, as ridiculous as it may now sound) or by choking myself with a cord as  fell asleep at night. I pondered so many other choices, like jumping or carbon monoxide poisoning in the garage... for whatever reason, I still say weakness or fear of the aftermath of failed attempts, I never tried those things. I was so intent, every single day, on killing myself that I became obsessed with thoughts of my own death. By the time I got to college, if I broke a nail, the suicidal ideation came flooding in - and I'm not exaggerating there. All this to say, my brain got broken as a kid, and I've spent my entire adulthood trying to fix it.}

However, it wasn't until the once-again sudden, unexpected death of one of our sons, when I was 26, that I spiraled out of control. For three years, I was lost in that grief, and sometimes now, I still find it miraculous that I came out of that on this side of the grave. I remember every detail of my pregnancy with Chloë and the boys, but I struggle to recollect any of it with Sophia. It's not until near her first birthday - three years after Robby died - that the memories become more transparent for me. That makes me sad, but it is what it is.

It wasn't until after that, though, that I was finally diagnosed. In my grad school therapy, it was simply "depression." (And I mean without the "manic" part of Bipolar, not only or just depression. Believe me, I know what that is like.) After Robby died, they had the gall to diagnose me as having post-partum depression. I couldn't argue out loud, to them, but in my head I was raging about that! As if. As if it was because my sons were born; no, it was because my beloved child had died, and ten years later, I still struggle to wrap my mind about that impossible concept.

It wasn't until I started the rapid cycling that I still do, 7 years after my diagnosis, that it became apparent that Bipolar I was the thing fecking up my mentality.

Oh, I'd had the psychosis during that three-year period of intense bereavement - I still do - and was even put on anti-psychotic medicines for my "PPD." I heard voices that, to me, sounded like the devil personified, telling me it was time to finally kill myself. I listened; I tried. I failed. Again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And there are the hallucinations. I am forever seeing, and to a lesser extent, hearing, what's not there. Always. All the time, there are humanoid shapes wandering around in plain view of only me. (Please don't suggest they are ghosts, or I'm a medium, or any of that crap.)

I don't know if this is part of it, but often when I'm thinking about Robby, I can feel him kicking as if during my pregnancy with the twins. Same side, same level in my belly where he hung out, and never, ever where Jack did. I've heard those phantom kicks are common in women who've lost a baby, though.

So when, in Summer and Fall 2006, I started acting out sexually and losing friendships left, right and center, we knew it was time to seek further treatment from a psychiatrist specializing in Bipolar Disorder. To say it was an easy, open-and-shut case for Dr. P would probably be an understatement. I had every manic symptom during my peaks, save one: thinking very highly of myself. I had every depressive symptom during the valleys. And I exhibited psychosis. Open and shut.

I have, at times, thought that I was also schizophrenic, but both Dr. P. and my wonderful, awesome last therapist, L, disagree. I've since tried to put it out of my head.

So why on Earth am I writing all of this down?

I'm getting to the point that Bipolar Disorder is classified as a disability by the SSA.  And I haven't even begun to crack the nut yet, so to speak. Rob definitely got the short end of the stick in terms of the two of us finding each other because, as frustrating as he can sometimes be, I think I'm damn near impossible to love and live with. Poor guy. Feel free to feel sorry for him; I do. (And the kids? Well, rest assured they're in no physical danger from having me as a mother, but I do wonder what seeing me in my various states of distress and the extreme upswings is doing to them. I don't want to talk anymore about the kids, though. They're fine. Please believe that. They really are fine, if a bit spoiled from over-love!)

 

Where was I?

 Ah, yes, so since my diagnosis in mid-September 2006, I've been on more medications lasso my brain and attempt to subdue my thoughts back to this side of "normal" than you can shake the proverbial stick at. Except Lithium. For whatever reason, that has never been prescribed. Apparently I'm still good to donate blood, but I can never donate plasma, ever, thanks to some of the meds I've been on.

But the point is, can I work? Can I hold a job? Can I make a living, can I help support my family, can I bring in a steady income with this crazy (tongue firmly implanted in cheek ) mind of mine?

The time has come for me to acknowledge, for the first time, that the answer is "no, I don't think so." I honestly don't think I can, and it gives me great pause to admit that, write it down, and see it there on the screen in blue-and-white.

 

I've been mystery shopping like a madwoman (well. heh.) since we got here - and also since 2006, coincidentally or not - to Miami, and I've been searching for a 'real' job for about as long. Unsuccessfully, alas, but not because I tell prospective employers that I'm insane in the membrane so much as the job market sucks here and now.

The truth is, though, I constantly have to reschedule those mystery shops around my "bipolar days," doing six or eight or even ten shops on a good (read: manic) day and sitting at home, on the couch, barely able to feel guilty on a bad (depressive) one. I cancel more shops than I perform, often neglect to write reports, and I have to admit, I've even totally flaked on shops without letting my schedulers know that I couldn't go.

And when I do tell them, I lie. Like a rug. I've never once told a scheduler, in all these years of constant calendar vs. bipolar juggling, "Hey, you know what? I'm bipolar and am just not able to function today." I don't know what their reaction might be, but something tells me it would be along the lines of, "Hey, you know what, then? Take the day off and... no, wait, you know, take forever off. We don't need you anymore." And then I'd even be out of the most flexible job ever.

Instead, my computer is down. Our internet is broken. I've been in a car accident. I've gotten very sick. Or my old standby, I have a migraine. (Sometimes it's true; I do get a lot of them, but they rarely interfere with my scheduled assignments.)

I struggle to confess all of these things, but I feel that, at this point in time, it's necessary.

I do not function normally, and therefore, I can not function normally. I'm disabled.

Can you imagine if three or four days out of a five-day workweek, I wasn't stable enough to go to work? How long would that job last? Not very, methinks.

And this phenomenon is not new. I've been doing this for years, now that I really think about it. When I worked as an intern at the marine lab, I was sick a lot. When I was a legal secretary at the law firm, I was sick a lot. I've been "sick" a lot physically, when in reality, I just couldn't face getting up, taking a shower (that one there is my own personal demon), and leaving my home.

So. I am going to apply for disability benefits. Again. I applied six months or so ago and was denied, but I didn't really pursue it. Now that I recognize the fuller picture, I realize what I need to do. Please don't think less of me; please don't hate me. I need to feed my kids and, I'm afraid, this is the only way I can do it.

So. Off my chest it goes, out into the matrix.

Fin.

Update: You know, now that I think about it, I think I just THOUGHT about applying before. I don't think I actually did. I certainly didn't submit all the necessary forms. Hm. Well, ignore that one detail!

Sunday Stealing: The Fairy Tale Meme

Link up here if you're playing along today!

Sunday Stealing: the fairy tale meme

Snow White: Do you consider yourself pretty? Name the part of your body you think is the most beautiful!

I think I'm okay. Not beautiful, but not unattractive, either. I think my collarbone and shoulders are the most attractive part of me; I wish I could get my full body lift to make the rest of me match!

Cinderella: What is your shoe size?

I have what one shoe salesman recently called "tiny" feet: size 5½. I take a size 4 bowling shoe, though. 

Sleeping Beauty: How many hours do you sleep each night?

People sleep at night?!

My sleeping habits are pretty erratic. Half the nights I don't sleep at all, and then I'll do a marathon 10-12 hour catch-up snooze binge.

Little Red Riding Hood: What is your favorite food?  

I adore hummus and frequently make ridiculous assertions about it being "yummus."  Right now, though, I'm craving Gordon Biersch's garlic artichoke dippy stuff. Mmm-mmm, so tasty.

The Frog Prince: What do you find disgusting?

I know I always get on my high horse about this, but here's what continually disgusts me:

When I'm in an amusement park, zoo, or any other such venue where children are abundant, and there are designated smoking areas (or, ideally, the place is smoke-free), that whiff of smoke from some "the rules don't apply to me" asshat makes me want to vomit.  You want to pollute your own lungs inside your own house, fine. But you don't have the right to toxify my any child's air. No. No, you don't.

It's the one thing about which I'll always be outspoken, shyness be damned. I don't care if you're the Queen of England.  Smoking is gross.

And yes, that's how I really feel. ;)

Jack and the Beanstalk: What plants are in your room?

Sadly for a biologist, I have a black thumb. I killed so many plants as a graduate student, I wondered how I'd ever manage to successfully raise a child! 

Puss in Boots: Do you have a pet? Do you want one?

Oh, God. Well, this is somewhat embarrassing, but right now we have six cats and are fostering two more. We intend to adopt out those little guys this week. I wouldn't mind getting rid of one of our six, but we all have pretty strong attachments to the other five, so I don't know how we'd pare that number down any more.

It wouldn't be so bad if we had the room for them. And in my utopia, there would be many more species in cohabitation with us! It'd be like Noah's freakin' ark up in here.

Rumpelstiltskin: What is the meaning of your url?  

Let's go over that one more time, shall we? My name is Melanie Ann. My dad has always called me Mellie-Ann. When we were in middle school, my older sister delightfully changed it to Smellyann. The joke's on her, though, because I liked it!

The Little Mermaid: Can you sing?

I have my good voice days and my bad ones, but I can carry a tune. I was in choir for years and was going to audition for the college one, but I got strep throat for the billionth time. After that, I was too anxious about it and haven't really sung publicly since, unless singing in church counts.

Pinocchio: What is your greatest wish?

I wish people would take better care of the Earth we've been given. The situation is dire, and most people have their heads in the sand.

Peter Pan: What is your (mental) age?  

In reality, I'll be 37 in September. Mentally, though - and especially now that we've moved back to Miami - I can't believe I'm not college-aged anymore. I feel the pangs of aging physically, but I still have that 20-year-old outlook. I admit to wearing rose-coloured glasses, too.

The Star Money: What is your most prized possession?

You know that quote, "The best things in life aren't things"? Well, all that aside, it's my mom's Bible and her old costume jewelry. I have few things from my mother - and fewer memories - but I cherish every gift of hers I've been given. And that includes her "things."

(Sorry about the formatting here, but Typepad is being a butt.)

Fin.

Saturday 9: Greased Lightnin'

Link up here if you're playing along today!

Saturday 9: Greased Lightnin'

1) Greased Lightnin' was the name of a car. Have you ever given your car a name?

Sure. I thought everyone did this? I don't remember what I named my first car in high school, but in college I had an '81 Honda Civic wagon that could go from 0 to 10 in 60 seconds (that's NOT a typo!), so I named it "Bullet." Then there was my Dodge Neon, "Butter," because compared to the Civic, that's what she was like. The Chevy Venture was uncreatively named "Vanna," and our Odyssey is now named "Penelope." Someone please tell me you get that one.

2) Could your vehicle use a trip to the car wash this weekend? 

Pretty much always, yes. I have three kids; it goes without saying. (The exterior is fine, but the interior is always cringe-worthy.)

3) This song is from the soundtrack of the movie Grease, the biggest money-making movie musical of all time. Have you ever seen it?

Only about 4700 times! It's one of my faves. I have the disc of the sountrack, too.

4) John Travolta's astrological sign is Aquarius. What's yours?

I'm a born-again Virgo. I don't know what means, either. I don't buy into Astrology, but I do exhibit pretty much all Virgo traits.

5)  In addition to being John Travolta's birthplace, Englewood, New Jersey, played a significant role in telecommunications history. In 1951, Englewood's mayor made the first-ever direct dial long-distance call in the United States. Now it's your turn. Tell us something about your birthplace. 

 

First, let me tell you that my grandparents lived in Leonia, right next door to Englewood, and Grandpa worked for many years in Englewood, so I have been there countless times. I was born in Goshen, New York, in the Hudson Valley. I grew up with a "New Yawka" accent until the age of 6½, and when I get mad or otherwise excited, it still comes out of me.

6) Travolta is an excellent dancer. How are you on the dance floor?
 
 

I do okay, but I'm far too self-conscious to do it in public most of the time. I took lessons, though, and I danced under the tutelage of several famous choreographers in Manhattan in my youth. (I remember only the name of Jimmy Locust, though, and I can't remember whether he played the part of The Purple People-Eater or was the choreographer on The Cosby Show... or both.) Those were fun times!

7) Grease is an upbeat musical about the students of Rydell High. Another Travolta movie is Carrie, which features the worst prom night imaginable. Grease or Carrie -- which is closer to your high school experience?

I'd say it was somewhere in the middle. It wasn't horrible, but there were definitely some horrible moments. I was a nerd with lots of popular friends. Go figure.

8) What was your best subject in high school? What was your worst?
  
 

Science and Math were my subjects, but I was pretty equally stellar in English class. My worst subject was History. I do not remember dates that well, and I have always abhorred learning about wars.

9) Sam made good use of the bus ride to school, using that time to complete her homework. What do you remember about getting to or from school?

I remember one time, in kindergarten, I was standing up on the seat, jumping up and down, and the bus went over a bump. I fell into the aisle, hit my head, and bled like a stuck pig. And I think I got in trouble for the jumping, to boot. What a crap day!

Fin.

Building A Legacy

Tuesday was another whirlwind day of mystery shopping, of which I seem to be making quite a career for myself here in Miami.  The first assignment - of nine or ten, which maybe be a days record for me - was at an organic burger restaurant. Rob delighted in grass-fed beef, while I noshed on a delishamus veggie patty. The kids shared with us. The place was spendy, but if you're in the market for the sorta thing, this was your place. 

After a few more shops, we headed over for yet another one on the University of Miami campus. It's obviously a favorite destination of mine; I have always felt at home there. Once the kids jumped out of the van, they found these adolescent ducklings that weren't the least bit squeamish about close contact with miniature mankind.

Jack walked along behind the ducks for a little while, with Mama Duck peering over her birdly shoulder every so often to make sure he wasn't getting too close. I'll tell you a secret, though. I touched three of them when she wasn't looking, just to see if I could. I could.

I wanted to see if my old Marine Sciences advisor was still in residence, so we headed over to Cox Science Center to find him. We stopped by my 2^nd favorite fountain on the fount-heavy campus for a dip (Sophie) and a sprinkle (Jack) before heading thataway.

When we arrived at Cox, there was no "there" there. My old Marine Sciences office was a goner. I was a little verklempt, until we looked about nine feet to the right, and, lo and behold, there was my old lab. It still looked pretty much exactly the same: full of aquaria, mounted fishes, and, well, labby things. Home sweet home. Dr. D. wasn't in that day, but we'll be back. Oh, we'll be back.

Checkiddout! Britto made one just for UM. Ohai, that's awesome. We found this at the Bowman Foster Ashe building, AKA administration. Why were we there, you may be wondering? Maaaaaybe it was because Rob wanted to visit the VA office and inquire about matriculating as a Navy vet. And maybe the meeting went superbly well. And maybe he's not even required to take the SAT, and maybe the Yellow Ribbon program there makes up for 100% of what the GI bill does not cover, and maybe, just maybe, he'll be going there come Autumn.

I could be just a leetle bit excited. I think he is, too, which I find utterly delightful. We'll be his'n'hers alums!

Okay, let's not get carried away. Back to the post at hand.

A few more shops later, we found ourselves at a wicked cool bowling alley with wicked bad service. The atmosphere was super fun, but no. Don't go there.

And yes, I know, about Chloë's outfit. She's eleven, and she dresses herself, and I think she looks just fine, thanks.

So I had to drink for this shop, and wow, they made some seriously strong-ass drinks for me. I was unfit to drive, to say the very least (so I didn't); I was pretty much unfit to walk straight, either. I don't enjoy that so much.

After the bowling, there was miniature golf. That wasn't part of the shop, but it was there.

Sophia, 8

Jack, 10 (!!!!)

Chloë, 11½

Chloë was being a boogerbutt by that point, so she didn't get in on the sibling lovefest (that doesn't sound good, does it?) that happened on the way back to the parking lot after bowling. This was spontaneous, natural, totally unforced. Love it.

I had to snap a shot of this car we spotted in the lot. Because overkill.

{~*~ I have nothing exciting to report from today (Wednesday), because it was a lazy, homeschooling, pink-eye day. I made a bunch of doctors' appointments and took a nap. Exciting, right? But more on-the-go tomorrow and Friday ~*~}

Fin.

If It Has A Tail, It's A Monkey. If It Doesn't Have A Tail, It's An Ape.

Thanks to the folks from Veggie Tales for providing the titular phrase today...

Sunday was Mother's Day here in the U.S. (because I have so many international readers, don'tcha know). Rob's stepmom and dad are staying an hour or two away in Florida right now, but not for long, so they came down to see the kids and us that day. We decided to head to Zoo Miami for a fun excursion, since hey, we're members, and the best way to make use of that membership is to actually GO.

You know we're huge fans of Romero Britto, so of course we had to take advantage of the Britto photo op at the entrance to the zoo. Even the kids are getting in on the Team Odette Britto Craze. We collect all things "kissing fish," as we call it, but the girls are trying to talk me into collecting cat things for them, too. Um, no. Moving on.

There were some kinds of bird or another right inside the entrance after that, and Sophia went up to the cage and started poking at the mesh. Imagine her shock when the bird took wing and flew straight toward her at top speed! She was startled, to say the least. And then she was in hysterics. Hm, maybe you had to be there, but it was pretty funny.

sMIL and the girls had some fun, along with the ever-camera shy Jack, feeding the stinky flamingos. For a quarter, you could get an adult-sized fistful of bird grub, and throw it at the birds. It's kind of antithetical to what I imagine the birds usually do for food in the wild, but it was amusing all the same.

It was Orangutan Awareness Day, or something like that, in the zoo that day. What that had to do with Mother's Day is anyone's guess, but it was cool nonetheless. We were kind of rushed through the educational, "awareness" activities, which was suckish, but the kids did manage to glean a few bits of new information. Namely, they learned that gorillas have short, stubby phalanges fit for their ground-dwelling lifestyle, whilst the orangs have long, skinny fingers for climbing and hanging around in trees. Further, they learned about the diets of the large apes and how that fits in with their lifestyle. I wish we'd had a chance to visit the whole set-up on that, but... someone wanted to keep walking, and it wasn't me. 

So what are you gonna do? Move on, I guess.

Can you guess what on Earth Sophia is doing here? Those are supposed to be the lengthy arms of an orangutan she's modeling in place of her own. I always tell Rob he's got freakishly long arms; maybe he's the missing link...

At that point, we girls separated from Rob, Jack and FIL, thanks to extreme asshattery on the part of the boy-child. He does not like to be awakened by someone other than his own brain in the morning, and when he is, he's the grumpiest little butt you ever wanted to meet. sMIL had graciously bought everyone hot dogs ('cept me; I don't eat 'em) for lunch, and he refused to eat. Then he cried for, no shit, literally like an hour, about being hungry. It was driving me nuts, so Denise suggested we let the boys chill by the bears while we girls went ahead to the Children's Zoo. Worked for me.

The lady-babes had fun pretending to be baby birds in these giant 'nests' at the front of the Children's Zoo. I think Sophie is totes adorbs in that top picture.

There was some excavating going on - I don't know what it is with things dedicated to the younger crowd, but it's apparently illegal not to include fake fossils - and then this mountain-climbing you see here. It's funny the way the girls are so different: Sophia climbed up and launched herself off fearlessly in about three seconds, while Chloë gingerly picked her way to the top and then changed her mind, taking about six days to get back down.

That was apparently the point where my iPhone died, so the remainder of these photos will be comin' atcha courtesy of Google Images. We went into the House O' Bugs And Lizards next, where we saw some of these Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches (not a fan),...

... a blue-tongued skink, which Sophie spent the rest of the afternoon hilariously imitating,...

... and discovered there was such a thing as lizards without legs. I'm honestly not sure whether I was aware of that, but now I am, and no one's the wiser. Except the two of you reading.

We made our way over the Asian elephant exhibit, where I told my story about being a youngster fascinated by such a creature peeing buckets for what seemed like half an hour once. I don't know why that memory made such an impact on me, especially now when I feel like the size of my bladder compares. I swear it'll be a museum relic if I die an unnatural death and they perform an autopsy, but I digress.

The boys caught up with us by about that point, and Denise was ready to skedaddle. We stopped by the Bengal tiger memorial exhibit (to remember a young girl, not a tiger) to admire the beautiful beast one more time, and then we headed back to the homestead in Homestead.

A long, long time ago, back in my college daze, I used to frequent this amazing pizza restaurant called, what else? The Big Cheese. Imagine my delight when I discovered that a newer one has opened up just down the road from us! We hadn't gone yet, so when Denise broached the subject of dinner, I waxed poetic about the garlic knots there. They didn't disappoint. Completely, utterly garlicky, and she had fun untying the knots. (She's a mathemagician.) I could eat them every night of my life. The pizza's okay, too, but go for the knots, folks.

Shortly after dinner, we bid so long, farewell, and adieu to Al and Denise, and their little dog, Hattie, too. 

Hope you all enjoyed your Dia de Las Madres, too.

Fin.

P.S. Belated Happy Mother's Day to my sister, Stacey; my mamacita; my BFF, Lisa, and all the other special moms in my life. ♥ you all! 

Sunday Stealing: The Current Meme

Link up here if you're one of the playas today!

Thinking about:

The delishamus baked potato with sautéed Vidalia onions and sowie cream and butter and love that Rob made me just now. *(gag)* 

Feeling:

 

I've been so anxious lately, I've had to go back on my anxiety meds. Sucktastic. :*(

Reading:  

Just doing a little catchin' up while I eat my taters

Listening to:  

Currently, Miss Gaga is on il radio. Hey, I don't make the requests, I just plug the buds in my ears and zone out.

Wondering:  

 

...and if so, what will it beeeeeee????

Looking forward to:  

We're heading to the zoo tomorrow with FIL and sMIL for Mom's Day. Should be so fun!

Missing:  

 

Me Maw. Mother's Day sucks without her. :'(

Watching:  

Lucky and Hunter, those two playful rascals we're trying to adopt out

Eating:  

 

(and it's SO good)

Making me happy:

The fact that I'm going to lie down as soon as I'm finished eating. I'm TARD.

Fin.

So You Want To Be A Mystery Shopper

I started mystery shopping in June, 2006, which means I'm coming in on my 7th anniversary in the business evaluation industry. Over the years, I have done thousands of "shops" in all types of industries throughout the United States, and I've been asked dozens of times for referrals, information, and of course, links.

In that vein, I thought I'd make a complete post here for anyone and everyone who is interested in getting into the business, along with an updated FAQ from any responses I get. If you have more to add, please feel free to comment below so I can include your information. Be aware that some links include my referral information; feel free to bypass that part of the link, but know that using it may get you an extra bonus payment if you use it!

(BEFORE you sign up with any of the companies below, be sure and read the entire post, including the FAQs and updates. Trust me; it's worth the time.)

MYSTERY SHOPPING COMPANIES

Please use my email address if they ask who referred you to them: melanie_odette@yahoo.com - thanks!

Be aware that companies come and go all the time. By the time this list is published, it could be out of date! Keep me informed by commenting on out-of-date listings or new companies you've joined. Thanks!

(a) Aawsm Stuff (USA, Canada, Australia) - I have no experience with them, but I plan to sign up ASAP. Mystery shopping as well as demo and merchandising opportunities.

(b) A&A Merchandising Ltd (USA, Canada, Australia) - I have no experience with them, either. Mostly retail assignments.

(c) A Closer Look - GREAT company to work for, but don't get caught canceling and/or being late on a lot of reports, because they will fire you. Hotels, restaurants, and more. Great for frequent travelers!

 (d) A Customer's Point of View (CONUS) - Haven't used me yet, though I've been in their database forever. Mostly transit and phone evaluations.

 (e) A Top Shop, aka iSecretShop - I haven't worked with them a lot but find them reliable when I do.  All kinds of shops available.

(f) AboutFace - I've done a lot of shops for them; they are very reliable and pay by the end of the following month. Recently, I've done carwash and optical shops for them.

 (g) All-Star Customer Service - new to me; I haven't signed up yet but will update this space when I have gained experience with them.

(h) Ann Michaels & Associates - Very reliable; I've done retail and quick-service restaurants for them. Extremely professional.

(i) Associate Consumer Evaluations (ACE) - Reliable; offer a wide variety of shop types.

(j) Amusement Advantage - One of my favorite companies! They pay quickly (sometimes <2 weeks) and offer fun shops like waterparks, bowling, carousels, and more. Great group of people to work with.

(k) Anonymous Insights - Can't remember if I've ever worked with them; if I have, it's been a long time. I'll update here when/if I do.

(l) Apartment Shoppe - New to me, I'll update here when/if I work for them. {Personally, I do not like to do apartment shops because they take forever and if you mess up, you risk nonpayment for all that time and hard work.}

(m) Ardent Services - Yet another new-to-me company. Will update when/if I work with them.

(n) At Your Service Marketing - they haven't offered jobs in my state, so I have no experience with them yet. Currently looking for shoppers in TX, OK, LA, AR, MS, KS, MO, NM & IA. If you're in one of those states, be sure and sign up.

 (0) Automotive Insights - work exclusively with the auto industry. Still new to me.

 (p) B. Business Solutions - New to me. Looks interesting; offer a variety of shops.

(q) Baird Group - They work primarily with the medical industry. If you've got to go to the doctor, may as well get paid for it, right?

 (r) Bare International (BAI) (worldwide) - The cream of the crop, I've done lots of evaluations for them and have never been disappointed. They have high expectations and the pay to match. Definitely one to watch.

(s) BDS Marketing - New to me; I'll update when/if I gain experience with them.

(t) Bestmark - another favorite of mine, they offer a wide variety of assignments and always pay reliably quickly. Sign up with this one!

(u) Bevinco (USA, Canada, Australia & NZ) - Serving the restaurant and bar industries, though I haven't worked for them yet. I'll update when/if I do.

(v) Beyond Hello - A very good company to work for, always professional and reliable. They do optical, retail, restaurant and more.

(w) BMA aka The Troy Dolan Group - They're okay, though I've found assignments to be few and far between. Neutral opinion on them.

(x) The Brandt Group - offers a wide variety of assignments; professional & reliable.

(y) Business Evaluation Services - Reliable and offer a good variety of shops. Be sure to join this one.

(z) California Marketing (all states) - Apartment shops, which are not my favorite, but they pay well. YMMV

 (aa) Campus Consulting - College towns as well as shopping centers and more. No experience with this one.

(bb) Capstone Research - No experience; will update when I do.

(cc) Certified Reports, Inc (CRI) AKA Market Force Information (MFI) - A great variety of shops are offered all over the map, and they pay reliably. I find they don't pay very high rates, and are actually at the bottom of the pay scale. If you do a lot of shops for them, it can be worth it, but fees ARE low. Self-assign and -reschedule, but you will get fired if you cancel and/or report late quite frequently.

(dd) CheckUp Marketing - Links to lots of Mystery Shopping, Work at Home, and other jobs. Can't verify reliability; let me know if you have experience with them.

(ee) Cirrus Marketing - They haven't had any jobs in my areas, so I haven't worked for them (yet). I'll update when I do, as I just applied for a coveted assignment with them!

(ff) Clear Evaluations - New to me; I've not signed up with them yet. Will update here when I have feedback.

(gg) Confero - Another one of my favorites, Confero is reliable and offers a wide variety of fun shops, including campus dining halls, quick service restaurants, and amusement park dining. Lots of "reveal" shops where you get to award prizes. Sign up for this one!

 (hh) Consumer Critique AKA MarketStat - Offer severa different casual dining audits, but I have NOT found them reliable for payment. I've had to hound them in the past for my pay, months after the shops were done =( so beware, though YMMV.

(ii) Consumer Impressions - Worth signing up with, they offer a good mix of assignments.

(jj) CRG AKA ProShoppers - No experience with them; I'll update when I remedy that.

 (kk) Corporate Research International (CRI) - Sign up with this one; they offer TONS of shops in a wide variety of retail and other locations. Lots of gas stations, pizza shops, and more. Commissions often go up as the month progresses, so wait it out if you're not in a hot market. Your rating goes up and down drastically as you complete (or not) your assignments. You must have a rating of at least 3.5/5 to self-assign.

(ll) Count On Us - I've just signed up with them, so no feedback yet. Will update.

(mm) Coyle Hospitality Group - another cream of the crop company, you will definitely want to sign up with them. Spa, cruise, restaurant, hotel, and more plum assignments are offered, but expect to write a high quality report or risk rejection. They have very specific expectations and you must follow them to a "T."

(nn) Creative Image Services - none in my area, so I have not worked with them yet. Financial services are their focus.

(oo) Cross Financial - New to me, they specialize in banking shops.

(pp) Customer 1^st AKA Troy Dolan Group - see BMA above.

 (qq) Customer Impact - reliable and offers a variety of shops; worthwhile.

(rr) Customer Perspectives - reliable and worthwhile, they offer a variety of shops.

(ss) Customer Service Experts (CSE) - worth signing up with, they offer a variety of assignments and pay reliably.

(tt) Customer Service Perceptions - New to me, so I have no feedback yet.

(uu) Data Quest LTD - A newer company, they service a variety of industries. Check this one out and stick with them, as they're growing!

(vv) David Sparks & Associates (DSA) - New to me, so no feedback yet.

(ww) DSG Associates - they have a new platform, which I haven't used yet, but I've been happy and found them reliable in the past.

(xx) Ellis AKA EPMS - Solely apartment shops. I get TONS of harrassing-to-me emails from them, asking why I haven't shopped for them yet. I find it annoying. I haven't discovered whether they pay reliably yet, but soon I plan to start doing more apartment shops, so I'll update this space soon.

(yy) Excel Shopping & Consulting - Must email info@xcelshop.com for access and must have Excel, mostly apartment shops. I have no experience with them.

(zz) Feedback Plus - a variety of industries are served; reliable and worthwhile. Sign up with this one.

(aaa) GfK aka CyberShoppers - A wide variety of shops offered and reliable pay. Sign up!

(bbb) Global Compliance - Another good one, worthwhile and reliable.

(ccc) Goodwin & Associates - retail, restaurant and more; I find them worthwhile and reliable. Sign up!

(ddd) Graymark Security - Another new one to me, this one sounds like one to join. I'll update when I have experience with them.

(eee) Greet America - mystery shopping, merchandising, greeting and other services are offered. I have limited experience with them, having done maybe one assignment years ago. Nothing negative stands out.

(fff) i-SPY - I have no feedback on them yet; I'll update when I do.

 (ggg) ICC|DS - Offers a variety of shops, mostly retail, and are worthwhile and reliable. Sign up!

(hhh) iMyst - Offers a variety of interesting shops, reliable and worthwhile. Sign up with this one.

(iii) Informa Research Services - I have limited experience with them, but nothing negative stands out. Give it a try.

 (jjj) Instant Reply - I have no experience with them; I'll update when I do!

(kkk) IntelliShop - a variety of retail shops, audits and more are offered. Reliable and worthwhile; sign up!

(lll) JM Ridgeway - I haven't been offered a lot of shops with them, but the ones I've had have been okay. Reliable, but not my favorite company. YMMV

(mmm) Jancyn Evaluation - I haven't worked for them yet; will update when I have more experience.

 (nnn) LeBlanc & Associates - specializing in the new home market; I have no experience with them yet.

(ooo) Locksley Group LTD - You must email LGLgroup@aol.com for information; I have no experience with them.

(ppp) Maritz Research - I have limited experience with them, but I've found them to be reliable and worthwhile.

(qqq) Market Force Information (MFI) - 100s of shops offered in all kinds of industries, in most cities and states. The pay is low, but bonuses are frequently offered. Lets you self-assign and reschedule, but frequent cancellations and late reports are cause for dismissal. Unlike most Paypal-paying companies, MFI submits payments via direct deposit.

(rrr) Marketing Endeavors - Reliable and worthwhile, a variety of shops are offered. Sign up!

(sss) Marketing Systems Unlimited - I've just now signed up with them; I'll update when I have more experience, but they look promising.

(ttt) MarketWise - I've just now signed up, but they look good, too. Sign up!

 (uuu) Mars Research - Offers other market research aside from Mystery Shopping; check it out - looks interesting. I have no experience; will update when I do.

 (vvv) Market Viewpoint - Reliable and worthwhile; sign up with this one!

 (www) Mass Connections - You must email info@massconnections.com for more information; I have no experience with them.

(xxx) Measure Consumer Perspectives (MCP) - A variety of assignments are offered. Interesting and worthwhile; sign up!

(yyy) Melinda Brody - Apparently, they only work with new home buyers/builders, so I have no experience with them. If you're in this market, by all means, sign up with them. Report back if you have feedback to offer.

(zzz) Mercantile Systems - Well worth the time to sign up and search for assignments. Fine dining and other upscale shops are offered in a variety of markets. I've had great experience with them. They pay reliable and are great folks to work with. Sign up!

(aaaa) Mershimer Group aka Service Sleuth - Well worth signing up with, they offer a variety of interesting assignments and pay reliably. Join now!

(bbbb) Muscle Marketing - Aside from Mystery Shopping, also do audits, sampling, merchandising, and more. Must email gjbell@cox.net for more information.

(cccc) Mystery Guest AKA GrassRoots - Lots of assignments available; only one registration per household allowed. Lots of restaurant shops; worthwhile!

(dddd) Mystery Shoppers - assignments available nationwide in a variety of venues. Worthwhile and reliable. Sign up!

(eeee) Mystique - A fun, fast-paying company with lots of interesting assignments. I've done the old-fashioned photography on the boardwalk with them several times, and they really listened to my feedback. Definitely one to join!

 (ffff) National Shopping Service - New to me, so no feedback yet. I'll update when that changes!

(gggg) National Shopping Service Network - No experience yet; will update when that changes.

(hhhh) Nationwide Services Group (NSG) - a wide variety of shops available, they are reliable and worthwhile. Sign up!

(iiii) Northwest Loss Prevention Consultants - works solely in the NW, so I have no experience. Let me know what you know about this group!

(jjjj) NSite - They haven't had jobs in my area, so I have no experience with them yet. Will update if/when that changes!

(kkkk) The Pat Henry Group (PHG) - a variety of services offered from mystery shops to merchandising and more, worth checking out!

(llll) Perfect Performance - offers a variety of assignments. You must contact perfectperform@aol.com for more information. New to me, so no feedback yet.

(mmmm) The Performance Edge - new to me, but worth checking out - they look interesting. Let me know if you have feedback!

(nnnn) Person to Person Quality - reliable and worthwhile; sign up with them!

 (oooo) Premier Service Inc - offers a variety of services, worthwhile and reliable. Sign up!

(pppp) Primo Solutions - no experience; will update when this changes

(qqqq) Promotion Network - Aside from mystery shopping, there are opportunities for merchandising, audits, sampling, and more. Check it out!

(rrrr) PROS - specializes in the banking industry. I've used them before, and they are reliable. Not my favorite kind of shops, but YMMV. Give them a try.

(ssss) PulseBack - Not open for registrations right now, but check back. I have no experience with them but will update if that changes.

(tttt) QAMS - I've done a number of assignments for QAMS and find them fun, reliable, and worthwhile. Definitely sign up with them!

 (uuuu) QACi - Mainly East Coast, hospitality-oriented, there are lots of good shops here. Sign up!

(vvvv) Quality Service Control - PacNW-based, so I have no experience with them. Let me know if you do!

(wwww) QSI Specialists - No experience for me, so I'll sign up and report back when that changes. Please let me know if you have anything to add here.

(xxxx) Quest for Best - I've done TONS of shops for them, and they are definitely reliable for pay. They offer a good variety of shops, mostly retail and fast food, and they pay well. Definitely one to look into, and they're a great group to work with, too. Thumbs up!

(yyyy) Reality Check - I've done a bunch of healthcare phone shops for them, and they pay well and reliably. Sign up if you want to pad your MS résumé.

(zzzz) Reflections - A good company evaluating the hospitality industry, it's reliable and worthwhile. Sign up!

(a5) Rentrak - specializing in the video/movie industry, they're a good one to add for check-padding and expanding your repertoire. Reliable pay.

 (b5) Restaurant Cops - All USA but Nevada, they specialize in what else? Dining shops. Another good one to join.

(c5) Retail Eyes AKA Shared Insight - A wide variety of assignments, they do some video evaluations. Be an undercover spy!

(d5) Rocky Mountain Merchandising - They specialize in the states west of the Rockies, so I have no experience with them. Let me know if you do, so I can update this listing!

(e5) Sales Quality Research Group - I haven't worked with them, but they specialize in financial services. I'll update when/if I work with them.

(f5) Satisfaction Services - a professional, reliable company with good training and many interesting opportunities. Sign up for this one!

(g5) Second to None - A variety of shops are offered, but I have not worked with them. I'll let you know once I've gained experience with them.

(h5) Secret Shopper - highly professional and recommended, they offer a wide range of opportunities. Sign up!

(i5) Secret Shopping Services (SSS) - I've signed up with them but haven't found any shops in my areas, so no experience to report. Worth looking into if you can find some jobs in your zones.

 (j5) Sensors Quality Management (SQM) - Based in Canada, they also have retail, hotel and dining shops throughout the US, along with occasional airline travel. I've worked with them for a long time and enjoy this company a great deal. Reliable and worthwhile, so you should sign up!

 (k5) Sentry Marketing Group - A great company with good training, interesting and varied assignments, and reliable pay,  you should definitely join this one!

 (l5) Service Alliance - I've only just signed up with them, so no experience to report yet. Looks like they mostly shop the midwestern and SW USA. Let me know if you have feedback to add to this listing, please.

 (m5) Service Check - specializing in retail, hotels, restaurants and more. A great company, but failure to complete shops and/or report on time will result in deactivation.

(n5) Service Connections - Certain states are covered but not in my areas, so I have no experience with them. If you fall in their zone, they offer a wide variety of assignments, so it's worth checking out.

(o5) Service Evaluation Concepts - "Brand Agents" specializing in a wide variety of assignments, this is a good, reliable and worthwhile company to join. Check it out! 

(p5) Service Excellence - I have good feedback for this company specializing in retail and other industries. Reliable and worthwhile. Sign up!

(q5) Service Impressions - Lots of fun and interesting surveys offered, reliable and worthwhile; definitely sign up for this one.

(r5) Service Intelligence AKA Experience Exchange - Another good one with lots of variety, they provide extensive training on how to complete their shops. Pay attention, and you'll do fine. I always get paid on time and wholeheartedly recommend this company.

(s5) Service Performance Group - Offering everything from fine dining to grocery to bowling and more, another good company to check out. Sign up!

 (t5) Service Quality - they have good shops, but I've found them to be few and far between in my areas; YMMV. Reliable, yes; worthwhile, I'm not so sure. You decide.

(u5) Service Research Corp - This one is new to me and reports to have mystery shopping as well as focus groups and surveys. I've signed up and will report back when I have gained some experience with them.

(v5) Service Sense - Yet another new one for me. I've just signed up and will update when I have something to add.

(w5) Service Scouts - I've never shopped for them, though I signed up long ago. I'll update when I have something new to add. Evaluating sports events and many more, it's worth checking out!

(x5) The Shadow Agency - specializing in video surveys of retail establishments; I have no experience with them yet but will update when I do.

 (y5) Shoptalk Service Evaluations - located in the PacNW, I have no experience with them. Let me know if you have anything to add here!

(z5) Shoppers, Inc. - I have done exactly one shop for them, but it was great, and I loved it. Not sure how often I'll work with them in the future, but definitely check this one out.

(a6) Shoppers' Critique - I've been with them a long time and am pleased with this company. The evaluations are straightforward and simple, provided you follow the guidelines. Reliable and worthwhile, you should sign up for ths one.

(b6) Shoppers' View - I've been a shopper with them for ages, but I don't know that I've done any shops for them yet. Seems like right now, they're focusing on funeral services, which is really not my cup of tea. We'll see. In your area, shops may differ.

(c6) Sinclair Customer Metrics (SCM) - another favorite of mine. I've done lots of shops for them and have always been pleased. Definitely sign up!

(d6) Spies in Disguise - A variety of industries are represented, and they reimburse/pay quickly. Definitely worth a look!

(e6) Superior Product Pickup Service - You must email recruiting@productpickup.com for more information; I can't vouch for this company as I have no experience with them.

(f6) Texas Shoppers Network - Based in - you guessed it - TX, they reportedly have shops across the USA. I have no experience with them yet, so I'll update when/if I do.

(g6) TrendSource - Sign up for this one; it's another good, reliable and worthwhile company with lots of shops across a broad range of industries. They don't pay fantastically well, but it's decent, and they do occasionally offer distance pay. Thumbs up.

(h6) Walmart - You must email user_research@walmart.com for more information; I have not done so.

*********

Now that I've compiled an exhaustive list of current mystery shopping companies for you, you'll want to know many things about the job, I'm sure.

Here we go:

FAQs

(1) How do I get started in mystery shopping?

Sign up with each and every company listed above, whether it sounds like they have jobs you're interested in, in your location, or not. Situations change, schedulers switch to new companies, and you just never know. It's time-consuming at first, but in the end, you'll find it was worth the time spent joining every single company.

(2) How can I save time signing up for all eight billion companies you listed?

I have a few recommendations. First, use a form-filler such as Roboform or one you might already be using. You do NOT need to pay for Roboform; I've been using it for 7+ years with no problems whatsoever, so in my opinion, it's completely safe. Just type your information in all the categories listed on each tab one time, create a master password, and then use the service to fill in that information on application after application, page after page. It's so worth it.

Secondly, whenever an application asks you to write a short essay, save it to Word. You'd be surprised how often that same essay question comes up on these applications. Mostly, they're looking for a writing sample to verify that you're technically literate and capable of turning in a well-written report, so you do want to do your best work. Copy and paste the appropriate essay into subsequent applications, and you'll save a ton of time!

Finally, I recommend setting up either a separate email account just for your mystery shops, or setting up two specific folders within your main email account. Label one "Mystery Shop Companies" or something, to keep track of all those acceptance emails and assigned passwords you'll get, and label the other "Pending Mystery Shops" for all the incoming offers and assigned shops you'll be sure to get. Then go to your filters and set up the terms so those emails go straight to the proper folders, or else you can transfer them manually.

(3) I've signed up for all the companies in your list; now what happens?

The short answer is: it depends.

For mystery shopping companies on the Sassie platform, as well as Prophet and one or two others, you'll get emails whenever there are jobs in your designated areas of interest. The larger the radius of your desired zone, the more offers you'll get.

On the other hand, some shop companies use their own platforms, and instead of sending emails out with open opportunities, you'll need to actually go to those sites periodically (maybe the 1st and 15th of the month, maybe every week) to check for jobs. A Closer Look is one such company. They usually release new jobs between the 15th and 20th of each month, so be sure and keep an eye on it for the plum jobs.

(4) I've applied for a shop; does that mean it's mine to do now?

Not necessarily.

Some jobs are "self-assign," and you'll get an automatic confirmation (if it's on the Sassie platform) after you've applied for it and possibly selected your shop date. If it's on the Prophet platform (ICU Associates, Quest for Best, etc.), then you'll need to pick your date and will immediately see the shop added to your home page. You may NOT get an email confirmation for these Prophet shops, so be sure and write them down right away so you don't forget about them.

For non-self-assign jobs, you'll submit your application and then wait for an "acceptance" email. If you get the job, the subject will include something like "ACCEPTED: (job title here)" and all the pertinent information for when and where to conduct your shop. If you're not accepted, you'll get a "CLOSED" email, or maybe nothing. Don't be disappointed. Eventually, you'll get that highly-desired shop, but you have to start somewhere!

 (5) Okay, I'm assigned to a shop. What do I do now?

First, check to see whether you're required to confirm your acceptance of the shop. If you are, and you don't confirm, it may still be reassigned to someone else. Once you've done that, write the shop down on your calendar and/or add it to your phone calendar. Forgetting to do so is no excuse for missing a shop!

Next, see if the acceptance email details any shop specifics; in almost all cases, these details will override any discrepancies in the general shop guidelines, so be careful and pay attention to these. For example, the general guidelines for all Burger Hut shops may say all shops can be done M-F from 4-9 PM, but YOUR acceptance email may specify Thursday only from 5-8 PM. The email overrides the general instructions.

Now, read your general guidelines for the information on how to conduct the shop. These guidelines are full of information, so it's a good idea to peruse new-to-you shops when you first get assigned to make sure you're able to do everything listed. I recommend reading them again they day before or day of your actual assignment, so the information is fresh in your mind. Information may include a specific scenario to present ("I'd like a chicken sandwich," or "I need a new color printer," for example), a specific department(s) to evaluate, and more. In the case of "reveal" shops, in which you often award prizes, the criteria for success are detailed as well. In short, the guidelines are imperative; you MUST read them, and you MUST follow them, or you will probably not be paid for your shop.

If you need to, print out those guidelines, and then click on view/submit to see the actual shop form.  You can select "Print" to get a copy of that as well. Eventually, with practice, you won't need to do quite so much printing, but at first you will. Remember, ink, computer, printer, and paper count toward your business expenses when tax time comes, so keep receipts!

Once you have read all your forms and know exactly what to do, it's time to perform your shop.

 (6) What do I do on my mystery shop(s)?

Go to the correct location on the right date at the proper time. That's key.

If you're supposed to bring a date, or kids, or any other guests, do! If not, try and shop alone. The more distractions you have on your shop, the harder it will be to remember all the details afterward. Sometimes jobs depend on the results you report, so you want to be observant and have a keen eye for detail.

If you have a smartphone, you can take notes when appropriate and make it look like you're texting someone. Just play it cool and don't be obvious. The last thing you want to do is give away your status as the mystery shopper. If anyone ever questions you, just drop back into your normal persona, finish the assignment as quickly as possible, and get outta Dodge! Sometimes, if they remember you as the shopper, you don't get paid for your shop. That's no fun!

You'll want to remember and note the time you entered and exit the location. Almost all shops ask for this information.

Many shops, especially restaurants and retail stores, now ask what was on the right and what was on the left of the store/restaurant you visited. If you can't write/text that, snap a quick picture of the exteriors for a record.

The rest of the shop will depend on the type of establishment and your scenario. Most shops are looking for these things:

(a) Customer Service - Were you greeted when you entered? Were you offered assistance? Did they smile and make appropriate eye contact? Did they ask questions to determine your needs? Did they walk you to the items you were looking for and, later, follow up to make sure you found what you needed? Was your table server attentive and timely with drink/food/check delivery, and did s/he pick up and return your payment promptly? Did anyone offer a pleasant parting remark? All of those things are standard.

(b) Maintenance - Was the exterior of the building clean, including lot, landscaping, and sidewalks? Were doors and windows free of smudges? Inside, were floors, tables and chairs clean and well-maintained? Was the merchandise neatly arranged? Were the bathrooms clean and fully stocked with all necessary supplies? Did you observe any immediate safety hazards? Did all associates appear to be following safety guidelines (especially important at amusement and water parks)? And so on.

(c) Salesmanship - Did your server mention a specific Appetizer? When you ordered a generic alcoholic drink, did they try to upsell to a premium alcohol brand? Did you get a tour of the menu, with the daily specials detailed? Was dessert offered? Were you offered coffee or an after-dinner drink? In a store, were you told about special sales and promotions? Did the associate attempt to add-on to your purchase by suggesting additional items, either on the sales floor or at the cash register? For fast food shops, were additional items suggested after you finished ordering? Was the combo offered, and larger sizes mentioned? All of these are examples of salesmanship that you'll want to note in your reports.

(d) Management - Most shops want to know whether you were able to discern who was the manager. Did they keep the restaurant/store under control? Did they visit your table? Did they comment on your order/purchases? Did they make you feel welcome? What did they do throughout your evaluation?

(e) Integrity - For bar shops and others where you must pay cash, you'll be asked about cash integrity. Was the cash register always kept closed between transactions? Did you receive the proper change for your cash payment? Were tips placed in a tip jar or mixed in with the cash register? Did anyone make change from the tip jar? Did you receive a whole ticket (for entertainment venues)? Were tickets required for all attractions? Where did they put used tickets? And so on.

As you can see, mystery shopping is not the "fluff job" some people think it is. It can be a lot of fun, but it's also a lot of work. And it's important work. Jobs, bonuses, reprimands, raises, prizes, and training often depend on the reports you submit. You must always pay attention on your shops, report accurately and honestly, and never falsify your information. Locations getting a bad review will often pull the video from your visit to verify what you've reported, and some people will claim that you were not truthful. It doesn't happen often, but keep your notes, be truthful, and stand your ground!

(7) Phew! Okay, I did my mystery shop. Am I finished?

Nope. Now you have to report the results! All shops will give you a reporting deadline. If you find you cannot report your results in their timeframe, be sure and email your scheduler and ask for an extension. Try to limit these requests.

While you write your reports, it's important to use proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, and capitalization. Not doing so will probably get your report rejected, and you won't be paid or reimbursed. Do your best, and make sure to spell-check before submitting every report. The best writers get the best grades, generally speaking. If your writing isn't up to par, and you don't think you can improve, then mystery shopping may not be the job for you.

Once you submit your results, check back at least twice a day for the next few days to make sure no edits are required. If the report is returned to you for edits, you usually have a short turn-around time to clarify or add anything the editor requests. You don't want to ignore those emails; after all, you've put so much time and effort into this job already, so you don't want to risk not getting paid for the shop.

(8) My report is done, and it got accepted. What do I do next?

Keep shopping! Apply for more jobs that interest you and are financially feasible on a regular basis.

Keep records. Every calendar year, I start a new record that includes this information for each assignment (you can print this one out, use Word or Excel, or figure out your own method, but keep records!):

- Mystery Shopping Company for that job

- Date of the shop

- Shop location (name and city, street, state as applicable)

- Out-of-pocket cost to you to complete the shop (including any shop charges, tolls, shipping fees to mail items back on the rare occasion, parking fees, etc.)

- Mileage to and from the location

- Expected reimbursement and fee

- Actual payment received

- Date paid

These records will be invaluable in not only keeping track of whether you're being paid for all the shops you performed but also for doing your taxes, so be diligent.

(9) I'm overwhelmed. Is this worth it? Anything else I need to know?

Relax. It's okay to be nervous at first. This is real work; don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Mystery shopping is serious business that doesn't get the respect it fully deserves. Take pride in what you do, and educate the naysayers.

Depending on where you live, mystery shopping may or may not help pay the bills. You might choose to do it as a hobby and only pick the 'fun' jobs like bowling, amusement parks, and other things that interest you. In the case, your goal might be to just break even or even just get paid to try new things that you might not otherwise have done.

Or, like me, you might choose to make it more of a career that has to help pay the bills. That means picking up some of the more tedious, boring shops, in between the fun ones, to help pad the paychecks that will come in the following month. It's up to you; work your business the way that works for you.

Each company reports your income to the IRS separately. If you make over $600 annually for a company, which includes your fees earned but should NOT include your reimbursements, then they will report. Anything less than $600 will not be reported, so it's up to you to do the right thing come tax time.

Be organized. Keep all your notes until at least after you're paid for the shop. Keep all your receipts in a file, whether digitally scanned in to your computer's documents or in a folder in your desk. Mark those computer records according to the name of the location and the date. For example, if I shopped Burger Hut in Pensacola yesterday, I'll name the file "Burger Hut Pensacola 051013" so I know exactly where to go if questions arise. Scan your business cards for non-purchase shops the same way.

(10) Do I need to get certified? Does it make a difference?

In my opinion, you should definitely get silver certified with the Mystery Shopping Providers Association (MSPA). When I signed up in 2006, it only cost $15.00 for the silver certification, but it opened a whole new world of shops available to me. It was definitely worth it. Looking at the MSPA website, it looks like it's free? I'm not sure that's right, so correct me if you find out otherwise. If it IS free, though, what are you waiting for??

Gold certification cost $100 in 2009 when I got mine, but now it's $75 according to the same website.  Once you've been mystery shopping for a while and have gotten serious about it, then and only then would I consider going gold. You get access to more of the choice assignments, and it looks better, but only marginally. If you want to up your game, go gold. If you're happy with silver, stay silver.

(11) How do I find more shops?

Well, you can wait for the emails from each company detailing the opportunities they have in your designated areas, or you can be more proactive and go for more.

 The MSPA has a job search page here. You can search by many different parameters to find what you're looking for.

Check out the Volition Mystery Shopping forum for more information on companies, jobs, and more related to your new profession. (Look all over Volition for many more great resources while you're at it.)

My favorite place to find shops is JobSlinger. Sign up for your free account and click on "Search" under tools. You'll find many jobs that way, as well as other useful tools. Take some time to see all that JobSlinger has to offer.

You can also download the JobSlinger and Shop Notifier Apps, among others that I rarely use, to be kept up to date with current shop opportunities.

(12) What if something goes wrong on a shop? What do I do?

Think on your feet. Act natural, like you're just a regular shopper, and think quickly. Do what you can to save the shop. They don't always go as planned. Sometimes we mess up. It's human. Don't beat yourself up.

Once, I went far out of my way to do an apartment mystery shop. I made up a fake name and information, thinking I was supposed to do that, until I got there and they requested my ID! Not only did I not have the fake person's ID, but I couldn't do the required apartment tour and remainder of the assignment without that ID. I had to leave and abort that mission.

It happens to the best of us. But some shops can be saved if you keep your wits about you and come up with a saving scenario. I couldn't possibly list all potential issues here, but be aware that (a) things don't always go as planned and (b) we can't always save every shop.  Explain to your scheduler, forgive yourself for the blunder, and let it go!

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I hope this comprehensive review of mystery shopping answers all your questions about getting started. Feel free to share this link anywhere on the web that you like, but remember to give proper credit to Smellyann Strikes Again when you do, please. Any questions? Comment below.

Happy shopping!

Fin.

Car Handkerchief, Please

I had an idea for a blog post that I'm using right now: random words selected by each of my three kids, searched under Google Images, and presented to you here. Why? Well, why not? Who else is doing it, after all??

"Car Handkerchief, Please" - I actually kinda like this idea, which gives me food for creative thought. What else could I put on a handkerchief? Too bad I don't know how to silk screen and don't own an embroidery machine (though I'd love to get one, if anyone out there feels like sending me one for review. Singer? Brother?)

"Poop Laptop Games" - The kids actually do have an app called "Pou" on their Kindles, and they love, love, loooove it. I don't know how to pronounce it, exactly, but here's what Chloë says about it: "Mom! 'Y-O-U' is pronounced 'yoo,' so 'P-O-U' must be 'poo,' right?" Who am I to argue with that logic?

"Strawberry Kitchen Cookies" - these look so pretty, which reminds me, I think I am going to reinstate the baking business here in Miami. Well, Homestead, but serving all of Miami-Dade, Broward, and Monroe Counties. Only, I'm going to stay away from decorating big, elaborate cakes this time. Why? Partly because I don't think I'm really that good at it and know others with way more talent in that area, and partly because the idea of my hard work melting in the South Florida heat really stresses me out. I'll make cupcakes, but my focus will be on cookies, pies, candies, and my favorite cheesecakes. I love the idea of a wedding dessert buffet instead of one cake, for example, and I think it's the next wave. Contact me if you need some goodies!

"Sleepy Kittens Eating" - None of the images on Google came up with kittens anywhere near food, but that's okay, because oh, the cuteness! This is actually a frequent site around these parts, because we're currently fostering two orange manx kittens barely old enough to be away from their mama's milk. We rescued one, Lucky, from under a dumpster, and the other, Hunter, from under Rob's kayak. It's time to adopt them out now that they're strong and healthy, before we get too attached to them to do so. There isn't a snowball's chance I'm going to let us keep them, so it's time. I'll be sad to see them go, though: they're terribly fun to watch, as they're at that playful stage only young cats and dogs seem to reach. The world is their playground, and anything or anyone (or any cat) that gets in their way is yet another toy. Fun times.

So, the kids are tiring of this game, which means it's time to wrap it up. I'll do this again, though; it was fun for me! Hope you enjoyed it a little, too. 

Fin.