Smellyann Strikes Again

Sunday Stealing: The Three Wishes Meme, Part The Second

I'm having wine. Consider yourself warned. Linkage is here.

The Wish List Meme, part two  

26.) If you had to order from a kid's menu, what would you get?  

You know what's pretty good? Macaroni and cheese. Good old mac and cheese.  I like that shit. Apparently that menu doesn't believe in it, though, so I'll take the grilled cheese. Thanks for asking. By the by, I do get to order off the kids' menu with my "I had gastric bypass surgery" doctor card. Except for Chinese restaurants. Those people don't give a shit.

27.) Do you speak any other languages?  

I used to be fairly fluent in Spanish, but I've lost a good piece of it, so I'll be re-learning it along with the kids now that I've bought Rosetta Stone. I can speak a little French, Italian, Latin, German, Japanese, ASL, Chinese, Portuguese, Russian, Polish... and maybe more, but not enough to sell a car in any of those except the español. I'm told that's the litmus test.

28.) Do you use Twitter?  

I do, but you know what? I have no fecking clue why I do.  Pretty much no one reads my tweets, including me. (@Smellyann)

29.) Do you go onto YouTube?  

I rarely do, except to look up the occasional cake-decorating or knitting technique a handful of times a year. I have a channel, but I only upload (and take) a few videos a year. Again, I have no audience, and I don't really want one except youse guys. (Smellyann76)

30.) Do you play Angry Birds?  

I used to, until I realized my kids are better at it than I am, and that pissed me off. So I stopped.

31.) Do you like theme parties?  

I don't know that I've ever been to a theme party. Unless you count "wear a dorky taffeta and tulle dress that your bitch stepmother made and pretend to like everyone else there" Junior Prom? No. Probably not.

32.) Do you like current cartoons?  

If it's by Seth MacFarlane, probably yes. Except for the stupid chicken scenes with Peetah in Family Guy. I'm so over that.

33.) Have you ever cried because you were so happy?  

OMG, that's so wrong, hahaha... I have cried so many pathetic "I hate my life" tears, I don't know if I have any left over for happy. Especially not with the happy pills I'm on. Chloë, 11, "cries happy" all the time, though. Last time was on Monday in Orlando at Sea World, when we fed the dolphins. #DreamComeTrue

34.) Who would you like to see in concert?  

Call me lame, it's okay, but I really want to see Kelly Clarkson. And Bruno Mars. And some other people who can't be heard on Classic Rock Z109.5ZZZZZ radio stationz.

Oh yeah, duh, I totally lied. MY dream come true would be seeing Eric Clapton. So I take that other shit back.

35.) Can you swim well? 

I mean, I'm all right, but I'm not winning any contests. I can float like mad, though. Thanks for making sure of that, Grandma!

36.) Ever won a contest? 

(Obviously I'm not winning the cut-and-paste contest! Ha!)

Yeah, I've won contests. At Sea World the other day, I was the first person to answer "NO" to whether sea turtles can come out of their shell, and I won a damn trivia card. Highlight of my freakin' life.

37.) Ever won a giveaway?

  

A week or two ago, the high-tech kids' headphones I won from a blog (I forget which, sorry) arrived in the mail. It's pretty awesome because we needed a third pair for the DVD player in the van. Three kids fighting over two pairs sucks donkey dong.

38.) Do you get a full 8 hours of sleep every night?  

I figure I get at least 30 hours of sleep a week. :\

39.) What tea do you like?  

I'm the kind of person that should like decaf herbal tea... But I don't.

40.) What mixed drink do you like?  

If it's fruity and rummy, I'm pretty much down with it. A very long time ago, in Key West, I had a salad and a margarita at Buffett's Margaritaville. We went somewhere else, and I had a pint of Guiness. Somewhere else again, and the bartender sent us each over a shot of tequila. I puked so hard after that. I blame the Irish.

41.) Do you shop at Walmart?  

I really try to avoid it at all costs, but sometimes it's the only place that carries what I need. I make sure not to wear undergarments so I'll fit in.

42.) Do you shop at Target?  

Sure! But I haven't in a couple months, because does Homestead have one??

43.) What do you order at your local coffee shop?  

I never even went into a Starbucks until, like, two or three years ago, and you know what? The caramel frappé at McDonald's is soooo much better. Trust.

44.)  Do you drink bottled or tap water? 

Seriously, here, folks. Give up the bottled water. It's bad for the planet, and it's just plain stupid. No jokes for this one.

45.) Do you like homemade meals?  

Seriously? What kind of dumb shit is that?

46.) Do you like homemade baked goods?  

That's a cake. I used to pretend I had such talent, but I don't think I really do so much now. So I stick to other desserts. I make a mean cheesecake... er, um, I mean, yes. I do.

47.) Do you shop online?  

'Nuff said.

48.) Name 3 stores online stores you would like to shop at:  

because they have everything,

because everything handmade is there that I could want, and 

because yarn. Duh.

49.) What holiday don't you like?  

I kind of can't believe we really still 'celebrate' this 'holiday.'

50.) What do you eat more of when you're sick?

I kind of don't really eat more when I'm sick. As a slightly irrelevant aside, I was in the produce department at Publix a few hours ago, and I almost bought all the ingredients for broccoli cheese soup. Except, I can't eat soup anymore. That moment sucked.

I need more wine. Someone get me a glass of Moscato already, will ya??

Fin.

Wordy Wednesday Times Two - A Look Back On February

Just because, y'know, I barely posted, and I know how much all three of you (if I even have THAT many readers left; holla if you're still here!) want to keep up with us! ;)

In the beginning, Sophie got up in the middle of the night to play with a new set of LEGO Friends

We went out for that Japanese hibachi dinner I mentioned... and I had scallops. I'm going to return to vegetarianism when we move back to Miami, if not sooner, so this was a penultimate hurrah.

I snagged a bunch of cool K'nex toys (and similar) from a friend for Jack, and the boys have spent HOURS playing and building.

We visited my buddy Saritah and had a fantabuloso time - hope to do it again soon, too!

I started "collecting" vanity plates again - this one makes me snicker.

The kiddies and I had a delishimus lunch at Panera, a longtime fave of ours.

The kiddos took their last month of instrument lessons - well, Chloë (piccolo/flute) and Jack (keyboard) did. Sophie gave up (guitar) several months ago. :\

Sophie played with the make-up set I gave her and Chloë; afterward, she ran up to me doing this, and said, "Mommy, I'm a zombie clown!" I died laughing.

Pepper-the-adorablest-cat-ever and Chloë continued their mutual admiration.

We brought Rob lunch at work and spent some lovey-dovey time together.

The girls picked out my outfit, and I actually really liked it. So we skipped to my Lou, my darlin'.

Donuts were enjoyed.

One of several visits to Sweet Frog for froyo, a NEW fave of ours

We went to Chuck E. Cheese's a couple times, a kind of guilty pleasure for me.

These boys: two peas in a pod.

This was before The Brawl That Started It All.

The girls, hanging out with their boots, as Sophia put it

Rob and I both had to do a double-take for this one! Really??!

This isn't a great picture - from another mystery shop - but Jacky looks so cute in it, I wanted to share.

And finally, I discovered a new app: Tadaa!

So. What's new with YOU?

Fin.

In Which I Love Being A Nerd

Intro to Nerd Humor

Funny Venn Diagram

Funny Punnett Square

Funny Syllogism

Funny Evolution Shizzy

Funny Chemistry

Funny Physics

Funny Calculus

Funny Geology

Funny Psychiatry

Funny Sociology

Funny Engineering

Funny Fugue Shizzy

Funny Genetics Shizzy

Um. Awesome clock I totally NEEDZ to make myself!!

Funny Ecology. Hee.

Funny Grammar Shizzy

Not-so-funny-but-true Marine Biology "Humor"

Funny Sheldon Cooper shizzy

Word.

Fin.

Saturday 9 Double Header: The End Of The Innocence & Ain't No Other Man

 Since I was MIA last weekend on Saturday 9 and Sunday Stealing (no comment on that), I'm going to do both weeks today and tomorrow, m'kay? You're cool with that, right? Good. Let's go.

Link up here if you're playing along with the rest of us jokers!

Saturday 9: The End of the Innocence

1) "The End of the Innocence" is one of Crazy Sam's favorite songs. Do you like it? Loathe it? Or is it before your time?

Sadly, I can't claim it's before my time. It's Don Henley - what's not to love??

2) Obviously Don Henley was a smoker back in the 1980s. Do you smoke? Are you a former smoker? Or did you never start?

I'm going to alienate some people here and say that smoking and intelligence are mutually exclusive in this day and age. No, I never started, TYVM. ;)

3) Childhood is generally considered an innocent time. In what town did you spend yours?

Psht. Innocent, mine was not. I split my childhood between the greater NYC - including nearby Jersey - area and Central New York.

4) Do you abide by "innocent until proven guilty?" Or did you come to your own, pre-trial conclusions about famous defendants like Casey Anthony and OJ Simpson?

I wasn't there; I don't know what really happened. That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

5) Is there an old TV show whose cast you'd like to see reunite?

Sadly, Three's Company and The Dukes of Hazzard have lost crucial members, so I guess I'll be kinda sorta lame and go with Friends. Or what about Cheers? They're all still alive and kicking, right??

6) Do you know how to ride a horse?

I have ridden a horse, but I suppose that is a different question. I've never been taught, per se.

7) You're ordering ice cream. Cup or cone?

As long as it's sugar-free, fat-free yogurt instead, a spoonful or two out of a cup will have to suffice these days, thanks.

8) Do you believe a gentleman should help a lady with her coat?

Yes. I do. It's just the nice thing to do. In my marriage, chivalry is most definitely not dead. ;D

9) Which search engine do you use most often?

Swagbucks is ALL I use, so I can get lots of free Amazon.com moolah, woot!

☼

And now for last week's post:

 Saturday 9: Ain't No Other Man

 

1) Do you believe there's only one person (and there ain't no other) for you? Or do you think we can truly love several partners over the course of our lives?

I don't think there is THE ONE for anyone. I just think if you happen to find "The One," it's the first "The One" you ran into, happily for you, but that there are many more out there with whom you'd be equally (or more) compatible. Is that unusually cynical and unromantic of me? I suppose it is, but I've always felt that way.

2) Do you have this, or any other, Xtina song on your iPod/mp3 player?

Nyet. Unless you count her appearance on Maroon 5's "Moves Like Jagger," which I do have.

3) Christina Aguilera won a Grammy for her performance of this song. What do you deserve an award for? And who would you thank in your acceptance speech?

I would thank Wonderful Pistachios for my award for "Most craps taken in a single week as a result of eating salty nuts." Heh. TMI?

4) Christina Aguilera has her own brand of perfume. Do you have a fragrance or scent you regularly wear?

I wear a variety of Jafra scents. I mix it up, like, every other day. Nothing floral for me, though, blech.

5) Do you have any allergies?

I'm allergic to Anceph (an antibiotic), Percocet, and Bullshit.

6) There's an older lady who proclaims during a TV commercial, "I will give up beer, bread, wine or soda but I won't give up Life Alert!" No, we're not going to debate her diet. Instead the question is: What are some of the staples that are always on your grocery list?

I have three kids 11 and under, so: milk, mac & cheese, and fruit snacks. :\

7) What's your favorite sitcom of all time?

The Big Bang Theory kills me every time! I lurve it. LURVE.

8) When it comes to your socks, do you prefer solids, stripes or prints?

I don't give a crap if they even match, as long as they fit. This coming from a size 6-foot owner who wears sox maybe half-a-dozen times a year. I don't care if there are ten feet of snow on the ground; gimme my Crocs flipper-floppers! (Although if there are ten feet of snow, chances are I'm in the wrong latitude.)

9) At what age do you consider a person "middle aged?"  And when do they transition to "old?"

Oh, God. I can't answer this. My husband just turned 40. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Fin.

Wordless Wednesday: Seen Around Town

Again, link up at 5mfm if you're wordless (or not!) today. I've been photographing license plates we're driving (or stopping, as it were) behind; here are a bunch that I've managed to snag:

You're With Us - who is, I wonder?

Just Sew - all right, then. I'll get right on it!

Harder to see, but it has a cat on the left and says, "MEOOOW." I wonder how many she has...

Akita For You - Obviously, judging from all the other décor on this one, this person is very much into rescuing the breed. Well, good for them!

Weighed - what, exactly? This one leaves me quite confused.

Too Legit - Really? We're still saying that?

This person LOOOOOOOVES the Outer Banks (of NC): I agree; it's great to visit. I don't know that I'd put it on my plate, though...

Tippin' Toe, here, has me thinking there's a dancer inside the Jeep, but who knows?

All is Well - and I'm glad to hear it!

Never Again, insists this driver. What's s/he refusing to do? Maybe s/he got the car in the divorce. :| Oh, or maybe it's meaningful on a grander scale. Whatcha think?



Euphemism - But what is? Where? Please, I can't be left hanging like that.

ARRRRR, Matey! I've shown this one before, but it bears repeating. Or not, whatevs.

To Insure You - Are you my agent?

My GS3 - Such overt pride in one's vehicles is... lamesauce, IMHO. But then, I don't drive a Lexus!

We Surf - but where are the boards? Guess there were no waves that day.

Beach Boy is my kinda dude. I'm right there with ya, pal!

Superior is, hopefully, their company name and not their general attitude.

And last, but not least, a little something different:

Alf! On the back of this big, honkin'... thingamabob. I love it.

Happy Wednesday!

Fin.

Product Review: Depend Silhouette For Women Briefs - Oh Yes, I Did That!

Never let it be said that I'm not a little zany. Some may say "crazy," but I prefer zany.

Anyway, I got a three-pack of these for free a little while back, and since I occasionally, well, leak when I laugh and sneeze and generally really need to pee (yeah, so? I had four kids in 3½ years, dammit!), I figured I'd give these babies a go. I wear about a size 6, give or take a size depending on make and manufacturer, so I got the small/medium size.

Well, the first problem was, they were HUMONGOUS on me. HUGE. So if they made an XS, I'd try that and report back, but I don't think they do. I'm going to get my friend Jenny From the Block to try them out, too, and see how they work for her.

Anyway, so I got my big ol' bladder nice and full, pulled on a pair of these Silhouettes, sat down on the living room floor, and... yeah. I did it. I peed my pants. Totes on purpose. Sitting on my laminate-wooden living room floor.

And they leaked like CRAZY. Rob thinks they would've worked better if they fit better, and he may be right, but I think the liter-plus of wizzy I put in them was just entirely too much. No lie, I can hold more than a liter at a time. Believe me, I've measured it.

So I had a huge puddle to clean up, and weewee all over my lower half, to boot.

To sum it up: If you're going to try these, make sure that you go down a size than you would normally buy. Although I have it on good authority that the Tena brand is better. I have some of those, too. Should I let you know whether I concur?

Fin.

P.S. I thoroughly laughed my ass off while doing this. Yes, I had fun. And no, I didn't poop my pants. You've gotta draw the line somewhere, y'know.

Whatever Works!

On a particularly sunny day recently, this was Sophia's brilliant solution to the problem of having left her sunglasses at home. I thought it was hysterical and made her keep it on until I got to a stoplight and could snag a quick photo! Fortunately, she had no intention of taking it off until we got to our destination, so little convincing was necessary.

That kid is such a hoot! ♥

Fin.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Thought I'd share these latest gems from today - one per kid:

At the post office, helping me mail a bunch of packages, Jack noticed the "in" door and the "out" door. He asked me, "Mom, why does that door say 'DO NOT ENTER,' but it has a handle on it?"

Me, looking and laughing, stupefied: "Well, that's a very good question, son!"

Tonight, it was dark, and we were driving around. I have both a new black case on my iPhone and a new black car charger into which said phone was plugged, and I was holding it up to help me navigate as I drove. From her seat behind her father, Sophia asked me, "Mommy, why are you holding a knife?" I was all, "What?! Why would I be holding a knife! It's my phone!" To which Chloë smartly - and altogether too quickly - replied, "Well, why should you be holding your phone while you're driving? Why should you hold anything while you're driving?"

And finally, on the way home from the same trip, I was making some small talk about how every itty-bitty car I saw that I liked was either a Smart Car or a Mazda Miata, it turned out. The kids got to talking about why it was called a Smart Car, which led to more questions about why it was so small. Sophia piped up, "It's like this van, if it was just Mommy's seat!"  It was an amusing comment... at the the time.

Hmm, maybe you had to be there for that one?

Anyway, that's all. Back to paying the bills and getting ready for some deal-shopping!

Fin.

I Don't Give A Crap

First order of business for this first post of January:

We watched the ball drop via online streaming, did our annual husband-and-wife-new-year-smooch, went outside with the kidlets to bang pots and pans and ensure the neighbors' hatred (not really) (gosh, I hope not), eat some snackies, and that was our annual tradition.

So... I have good news! I've spent the last, oh, 19 days something like this:

Hehe. That makes me laff. But as of TODAY, it seems, I can proclaim myself well. As in, completely, 100%, all entirely much better!! Whatever was amiss, is now, um, miss? Unamiss?

Woot!!! Way to ring in 2012!! Like you wanted to know, but I haven't gone ONCE all day (Saturday), let alone unintentionally in my bloomers. *ahem* (Did I just say that out loud? What can I say? I was sick, y'all.)

And also, Rob was in the backyard and found these carrots in our garden, and we ate them, and they tasted so sweet and delicious! At the end of December! Crazysauce!

So I spent much of the day hexipuffing away and racking up Swagbucks "watching" videos, but tomorrow, New Years Day (okay, so like, today), I'm going to finally get off my arse and CLEAN and un-wreck this house. Oh, the hexipuffs:

There are 64 there, but I've just cast on for #66... and lots more to go! I love the total randomness of the color scheme. Never did done that before, nope nope nope!

So. 2012. More tomorrow, I've got a hexipuff on the needles and it's begging for finishing. I resolve to do that before I sleep!

Happy New Year to you all, and to all a good night. Righty-oh!

Fin.

Aladdin's Lamp Has Got To Be In Here Somewhere...

So I just gave Rob his Christmas present (well, one of them), a Webkinz Beaver. After much deliberation, having tossed out Snapper, Wynonna, and Frank (c'mon!), he finally decided to name my beaver "Genie". As in, when he rubs it, all his wishes will come true.

What?

I never claimed this blog was family-friendly.

Enjoy your week, y'all...

Fin.

P.S. He just informed me that one of the kittens was licking the beaver. I'm not touching that one...

Sunday Stealing: The Blue Memory Meme, Parte Dos

Link up here if you feel the need to do so. If you don't, well, at least comment and stuff. M'kay?

Cheers to all of us thieves!

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?

I could stand to improve. The more important thing is, are the kids and hubs?

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: sandpapering, ugh. Love: Kids laughing, especially my kids, especially at me because I'm being funny as hell.

28) What's your biggest "what if"?

Well, I don't normally put this out there on the blog, but it's "What if Chay (the guy I loved in college - and beyond) had broken up with his girlfriend for me? Would we have made it?" But that's a whole 'nother post, and I don't plan to go there again.

29) Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope. Unless you're talking about that movie with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. I believe in that movie.

30) How about aliens?

Like ghosts, I'll believe in them when I see one. I certainly believe the possibility exists.

31) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Marrying Rob. No doubt. Hands down. (Although I was reconsidering it a few hours ago, when he was being a total jackass.)

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

It's a tie between Ottawa and the Bahamas. Not a fan of either place. (You thought I was going to say "my childhood home," didn't you? I probably should've, but I don't like to be predictable. :P)

33) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Hell yeah. I'm pretty creative, right? Look at Van Gogh. His ass was crazy and his art was amazing.

34) Most attractive actor of your opposite gender?

I'm partial to Matt Damon, but I do feel guilty saying that instead of Denzel, since I do have a thing for black men. (What, you didn't know?)

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

To leave the planet better than when I left it. In other words, to make a difference to someone, anyone; to matter; to be able to say, "I did good things here. I tried my best."

36) Define “Art”.

Art can be anything that speaks to someone. Some people find art in a rusty gate, while others find it at the museum. It can be lyrical, but that art will be gangsta rap to some (not me) or opera to others. To me, it's more about what the average Joe gets out of it than being worthy of a critic's praise.

37) Do you believe in luck?

Honestly and truly, no. But I say "Good luck!" all the time. Does that make me a hypocrite? What will be, will be.

38) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Everyone's happy and content with it; no one feels "less than."

39) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Lou Vega's "Mambo No. 5." I mean, c'mon. How can you not shake your booty when that comes on?

40) Where were you yesterday?

See here, now, didn't you read my post, "Are You Lookin' At My Ass?" (Apparently no one did. No comments. Wah.)

41) What's the worst injury you've ever had?

The mental injury caused by years of psychological abuse from my ex-step-mother. No amount of physical pain I've endured could rival that.

42) Do you have any obsessions right now?

HEXIPUFFING!!!! I've got about 50 puffs now. I'm totally neglecting the laundry. The kids are all, "we don't have underwear, we don't have socks!" Darn kids, always needing something.

43) What's up?

This bread Chloë made, at my made-up direction, totally sucks. It has chocolate in it, though, so I'm scarfing it down anyway.

44) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Does it count as a rumor if it's true?

45) Do you believe in real magic?

Nah. Unless you're talking about that goo-goo lovey-dovey kind of magic when you fall in love. Then oh, yeah, of course.

46) Do you ever hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yes, it's my forte. (And please pronounce that correctly, like "fort," not "for-tay.")

47) What's your favorite (non-pet) animal?

Sharks, der!

48) What is your secret weapon to get people to like you?

I have sex with them. That usually works. I'm kidding; I have a lot of female friends and don't go that way. I don't know! I just try to be real, know what'm sayin'?

49) Where is your best friend?

Centra New York, up where I grew.

50) What do you think is Satan's last name?

Simmons. Oh wait, that's my dad. Umm...

Have a great week! I'm going to go puke up this nasty-ass bread!

Fin.

Saturday 9: Turn Back The Hands Of Time

Link yourselves on up over here if you're playing along this weekend!

1. There's a Time Genie. She can put you back in time to relive a day that you loved. If you could turn back the hands of time, what day would you relive if given this opportunity?

March 19th, 2003. I would get up out of my pre-term labor bed in the hospital, march my hugely pregnant arse down the hall to the high-risk OB clinic that was supposed to be monitoring me, and demand the ultrasound for which I kept asking, until they gave it to me. They would do, see that my twins were in major distress, and deliver them on the spot. Both would now be alive. If only...if only.... (yes, 8½ years later, I still blame myself for Robby's death.)

Oh, wait. I just re-read the question, and it was supposed to be a day I loved. Then, I would relive the day Rob and I eloped, over and over and over. It was the time of our lives! ♥

2. What did you do yesterday?

Slept 'til mid-afternoon, ate way too much pumpkin pie that I didn't even make, and slept some more. Took a few pictures. S'about it.

3. You've been given 3 parachutes, but there are 4 people who need them. Who will you not give one to: Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Kim Kardashian, or Simon Cowell? Why?

Um, first of all, what about ME? Second of all, Mel. He's turned into a worthless piece of trash. The rest are, at least, still entertaining.

4. Where are you going and where have you been?

I'm going to San Diego when Rob retires in less than 1.5 years. I've been around the world, and I-I-I, I can't find my baby, I don't know and I don't know why, oh, sorry, got off on a tangent, there.  I have been to Ottawa, Canada. Don't hate. (I've been out of the country plenty of times; that's the one of which I'm least proud.)

5. They say that books read as a child make more of an impact on a person than books read at any other time in life. Are there any books that you particularly loved, that shaped the way you think when you were little?

Grammar aside, there, probably the Anne of Green Gables series. I loved the whole idea of kindred spirits and the need to find one's own, I loved the love shared between Anne and Gilbert, and Matthew and Marilla, and I loved Anne's red-haired fieriness when necessary. I could go on, but I shan't. Have you read them? I don't want to spoil it for you, if not.

6. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?

Our Christmas stay at Great Wolf Lodge in a couple weeks!!

7. What was the last text message you received?

This hilarious cartoon from Rob:

8. Do you prefer to call or text?

Text, which is why it drives me crazy that my sister doesn't have a celly!!

9. What were you doing at 9PM last night?

I think I was back to sleep by then. I slept a ton. Hey, I was out of Diet Coke!

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Fin.

All About My Arse

You see this picture?

Well, it makes it look like the coccyx, or tailbone, should curve inward, toward the middle of the body, doesn't it? Mine doesn't do that. At least, for all appearances, it doesn't. It seems that it juts out, and it has become more and more prominently, uh, jutty, the more weight I've lost.

Now, I'm not the most active human being, at least when I'm home, and I spend a good portion of my time sitting down in my little comfort zone.  I haven't felt well this past week or two, so I've been sitting more than usual.

I guess that was enough to do it. My tailbone poked straight through and is now sticking out of my body.

Okay, okay, I made that up. But I do have a pressure sore from my jutting coccyx, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it treated today.

Here's me in the exam room:

Except, I was lying down on the bed, making sure my curtain completely covered the doorway each time. What else is there to do?! When you've got a sore in your "butt canyon," as my friend Jenny From the Block made me burst out laughing by saying today, you pretty much gotta bend over and spread 'em. Not the best hour I've ever spent in my life.

So the nurse packed my butt canyon sore full of squishy bandages, for maximum comfort, and now I have to sit on a 'roid pillow or other comfy cushion for the rest of my life, if I don't want this to worsen or recur. Awesome. I've been advised numerous times, including by the ER doc again today, against having the coccyx shaved down. I guess it's a pretty nasty surgery to have and from which to recover, and really, when you think about where they'd have to go in from and all the things they could run into while they're in there, I'm guessing they know what they're talking about.

So, fun times ahead.

Are those Eeyore hemorrhoid cushions? Hello, Christmas is coming!

And thus ends the post about my poor, sore hiney. Hope you enjoyed it.

Fin.

Jack In 100 Years

We stopped into the drugstore the other day, and when Jack walked next to this old-guy Halloween statue thingy, I had myself a good laugh. "Jack!" I called. "Come stand next to this thing!" He's good-natured about his stature (for the couple of you who are new here, my 8-year-old diminutive son is growth hormone deficient and takes a nightly shot of HGH, but he's still the size of an average 3-4 year old), so he played into the joke willingly. He thought it was pretty funny himself, actually!

Just thought I'd share.

Fin.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Sophia and I are alike in many ways. We look alike, share a sense of humor wherein we "get" each other like few people do, and have plenty of similar behaviors and mannerisms.

I've been able to balance a spoon on my nose since I was at least her age, thanks to the little bally on the tip of my nose. It's squishy. And bally.

Tonight, she walked into the room doing the same thing. I don't even know that I'd ever done it before in front of her, so she must've seen the trick somewhere else. At any rate, I couldn't be prouder. She is her mama's girl. Hee!

Can you do it?

Fin.

Silliest Girl Evah!

 

I let each kid have two of my chocolate balls after dinner tonight. Sophia popped them both in her mouth a la vez (at the same time).

 

 

This was after we all looked at her goofy face and started laughing. She was trying to eat her chocolate and not laugh...

 

Nope, couldn't do it!! Do you know how hard it is to laugh without losing the chocolate balls out of your cheeks?!

Pretty hard, apparently. Rob later found one of them in the litter box, which she did apparently because she didn't want to eat it anymore and was disguising it as a cat turd. I would have been mad, but c'mon - that's some funny shit right there.

Fin.

Wordless Wednesday 3: Cart Sleeper

 

Link up here!

Fin.

Wordless Wednesday 2: To MIL, With Love From The Grands

Hee.

Fin.

The Poop Tale

 

So I promised Nicole I'd tell this story, and now I'm here to do just that.

Forewarning: if you get grossed out easily, maybe don't read this one. It's not really THAT nasty, but as you may have guessed, poop is involved, so... it's your call.

In, oh... 1999 or 2000, I was in grad school in Tampa, working on my Ph.D. at the University of South Florida under this great man. (It's true; you can ask him.) I was there to study the ecomorphology of shark feeding habits, basically. That's the backstory.

For our ichthyology class, we had to partner up and do some kind of study. My partner was G. At first, we were going to do an aggression study on Betta splendens, but it didn't work out. So when we went on a research trip to the Dry Tortugas, G and I saw an opportunity to do a different sort of study.

In a nutshell, we were going to survey a few randomly-chosen areas of the reef during dawn and dusk and tabulate data on the changing apparent fish populations during those periods of time. To be more specific, G chose one spot, and I chose another, and over the course of an hour or two in the early morning and again in the evening, we documented which fish species were present each minute during the survey periods. {Whatever ended up happening with that data is beyond my recollection, so don't ask me. I can tell you about other studies I've been involved with, but somehow I doubt anyone cares!}

Anyway.

 

So in order to get to our reef survey locations, we had to borrow another student to motor us from our research boat over to the correct area in this sort of dinghy. That student stayed in the anchored dinghy, reading a magazine or whatever, while he waited for us to conduct our observations.

So picture me, hovered with my mask, snorkel and fins, at the top of about 10 or 15 feet of water, in crystal-clear water, with a pretty good current going in the direction from my head to my feet. I had to swim against the current constantly to keep my eyes locked on my square-meter quadrat on the reef, all the while writing furiously in pencil on my waterproof paper. (Oh yeah, they make that. Did you know?)  Some minutes, only one or two species were visible, while other minutes, there had to have been at least 20 - and I had to get them ALL written down every minute.

What I'm trying to explain is, I was busy! It was a little insane. Thinking back now, I could have developed a better system, using code to notate which species I saw, but that's neither here nor there anymore. The point is, I didn't have any time for distractions or interruptions.

 

 

Now, I don't know what triggered the feeling deep in the pit of me that I was going to have to poop, but I think it was the food we'd eaten at dinner that night on the boat. And I could tell, from the sick feeling that I was getting in my belly, that it was not going to be solid. This was going to be one messy shit, when it made its appearance.

I was floating around in the middle of the water, about 100 yards from the dinghy and G, when a juvie nurse shark, about four feet long or so, swam into my quadrat. If you know anything about sharks, you know that this should not have been cause for alarm. There's a saying, "Don't pull the nurse shark's tale," which basically means, unless you molest her, she's going to leave you alone. Nurses aren't like Great Whites. They're pretty docile. But at the time, essentially alone out there with the occasional barracuda giving me the eye, it was enough to spook the bowels and get the ball rolling. So to speak.

I can't remember exactly what I had on, but I think it was a t-shirt and shorts over my bathing suit. In any case, I was 30 minutes into my hour-long study period and I had to GO. NOW.

I had no choice. I wasn't going to make it. It was coming.

So I timed to the next minute. Wrote down my species as fast as I could, swam backwards for five or ten feet, pulled my clothing to the side, and crapped into the ocean as hard and fast as I could so I could get back to my quadrat in time for the next minute's data.



I felt a little better, but I wasn't done. Now, in addition to all the other activities I was simultaneously doing, I had to keep an eye on where my poop was going, so I didn't end up swimming into it and inadvertently getting some of it in my snorkel! It was tense. It didn't help calm my tummy down at all.

Five or so minutes later, I had to repeat what I'd done: Back up, pull to the side, and ram it out of me like a shot, into the dark water.

I did that at least three more times that night, while still trying to be conscientious about collecting the correct data.

Eventually, I gave up. I had about 10 minutes left, but I just couldn't stay there any more. I was sick to my stomach, I was weak by all the fighting against the water and having excessive runs, and I was tired. I decided to call it a study and swam back over to the dinghy.

To my surprise, G. was there, already sitting in the dinghy. He didn't look well either, but both of them were in there chuckling. I was puzzled. 

After I managed to haul my chubby self into the boat, I started to inquire about why G. had given up the study early, since I knew I had, and he was there before me.

Turns out, he'd gotten sick and had been forced to crap in the ocean a whole bunch, and he was too exhausted to go on.

I could relate...and we all had a good laugh when I revealed that I'd suffered the same fate!

So there's my story, Nicole. Hope you enjoyed the straight poop on the time I had to crap in the ocean!

Fin. 

Laundry Shoot

Funny enough that Sophia started decorating her "big" brother with clothespins, but when he spat out, "I look like a dumbass like this!" The Bob and I were absolutely rolling.

Sometimes, it's hard to admonish them.

Fin.