Feeling Defensive
The Source Of My Excitement

Porky Hands

Well, I was up 'til like 5 AM this morning, restless and busy working on Cookie things, bills, coupons, my grocery list, and what-not. Basically wasting time. 

Oh, and last night, I broiled half the bag of Schwan's scallops that I bought for myself (no one else likes them; I adore them) for a protein fix. Whoo, they're pricy, but I'll get about four meals out of them. Anyhoo, I mixed up some olive oil, salt and pepper in a bowl, then added the mollusks. I swished them around real good, coating them thoroughly, and then put them on a foil-lined baking sheet. Stuck that in the broiler for about 9 minutes, and they were SO DEElicious! Really excellent. Think shrimp would be good that way, too?

BUT, there was just one problem. While I was standing at the stove, taking half the critters off the sheet and onto my plate, there was a HUGE explosion, and all kinds of flames and sparks shot out on me. I'm surprised I didn't have a stroke or something. Seriously, it was a major fright!

After I regained my composure, I discovered what happened: someone put the brand-new, never-used electric can opener on the back burner, where it melted and did God knows what to the innards. I guess it was the opener and not the burner that exploded, so aw, man, that thing is now completely shot. What a waste!

Who's at fault here? The person who put it on the burner to begin with, or the person who cooked and didn't notice it was there (there were big pots on the front burners, where Rob leaves them to dry)? All day long, I decided it was the former, but I guess it's my fault too, and I learned a lesson: When using the oven, always check the stovetop first!


So since I took my sleeping meds at 5 or so, I hibernated for most of today. I slept like 12 hours! I slept the sleep of the dead. Thank goodness I had nothing on my plate for today except grocery shopping. And Rob was home, so he and the kiddies did... who knows?

When I finally woke up and came downstairs, I found out the Brownies leader was on her way over to pick up more cookies, and I was nekkid! (That seems to be a recurring theme here on SSA, doesn't it? You'd think I'd put some clothes on when I jump out of bed, but I've gotten my nude habits from my husband. Even though we  have vastly different physiques and I can ill afford to show mine off!) And alllll of my clothes, pretty much, were in the again enormous mountain of laundry.

I found a pair of pants, but couldn't find a shirt. Wait a minute, what about this one that I haven't worn in a long time? I tried it on. Lo and behold, it fits! So even though the scale didn't move since Wedesday when I weighed in this morning, I still had a small success. Yay.


After cutting the coupons out of today's paper, and after Rob and Jack returned from Wally where they fetched a new #3 soccer ball, it was time to head out for groceries. I collected my plastic bags to recycle (mostly newspaper bags, ugh), my 20 or so canvas bags for the food, and made my way out in the rain. By then, it was about 7:30 PM.

Which is notable because the deli and the seafood department close at 8 PM every day, and I needed multiple items from both departments.

What you may have realized, though, is that I have a little bit of the OCD, a touch of the anal-retentiveness. Can I just go to those departments first and get them out of the way, then go back and do the rest of my shopping? No. I must always follow the same pattern in the store, never deviating from my path.

I enter. I stash the plastic bags, put my canvas bags under a cart and go right, past the floral department and the enticing bakery display. (Although today I stopped to look for a pretty pot of tulips or maybe Gerbera daisies.There were none. Rats.) I do the Produce department, then the deli, then work my way through the aisles (and if we need it, Meat Dept.) until I'm halfway, where the Seafood Dept is. That's the rule. That's the way it goes.

Well, today, my friends, I had to break form. It killed me, but the Deli clerk was in a chatty, chatty mood, and she kept stopping her slicing to talk to me or the Bakery lady. Hello!! We're pusing time here, woman! Finally, I gave her the second half of my order and told her I had to run to Seafood to get my stuff.

I got there at 7:51 PM, people. And I don't set the time on my celly; it automatically updaes, and it matches the automatic time on the cable box AND on the atomic clock Rob's dad gave us. So I know it's right. But do you know what I found when I got there, NINE whole minutes early? An empty seafood case, with nothing but crushed ice and a few lobsters in the tank. Nothing else. Nada. Zilch.


Just then, a manager strolled by. I called out, "What time does the Seafood Department close?" He told me, "Eight o'clock, every night." I looked at him sternly and said, "It is NOT 8:00 yet!" "Well, do you need something?" "Um, nah, I just thought I'd stand here with my thumb up my ass and inform all the passers-by of the current time. Yes, I want my shrimp and tuna steaks!!"

Okay, *maybe* I didn't say that last part exactly like that. But you get the gist.

He went and found the seafood man. Who, by all appearances, was PISSED. At ME. For making him WORK. You know, earn his paycheck?  When he came behind the counter and all but glared at me (and this is the guy who always waits on me and knows exactly what I want, most times, so we're not strangers), I whined petulantly, "You closed early on me!"

He said, "We close at eight." I said, "It's not 8:00 yet." He replied, "It's two minutes 'til!" I said, "I got here at nine minutes 'til, and I raced to get here on time!"

He sighed. Heavily. More than once.  Asshole.

Was I wrong to demand he serve me? I mean, I have shopped in this store for the past six years, week in and week out. I drop a lot of money there. Today alone I purchased $465 worth of groceries (but saved about $58 in coupons). (I don't usually spend that much, but I didn't do a big trip at the beginning of the month, and... oh, you don't care.)

Anyway.  Then he noticed I was scanning everything as it went in my cart, because I had a lot of coupons and never know what they were when I get home and scan all the groceries for Nielsen. He wanted to know all about it, and then he mellowed out and thought that was really cool. So he didn't stay jerky, which is not like him. Whew.

That's about it. After we put away all the food, the kiddos went to bed, and I did my time on the Wii. Usually, I focus on Balance and Aerobics games, but today I decided to do a number of Yoga and Strength exercises. Whew! I am definitely feeling it. And though it thinks I'm in really good shape on the B & A games, it really let me know I'm a Couch Potato on the strength stuff! hehe. I have work to do!

Have a wonderful week!  I have news, about which I'm so excited I can't stand it, but you'll have to wait and see!!