30 July 2009
The last straw today was when Sophia and Jack poured out some of the laundry detergent that I just bought (which is probably irrelevant) onto their bathroom floor.
Chloë told on them. I called them down. I yelled. I spanked. I never spank. I don't believe in it. We won't go into that here. Don't chastise me, I know, I know.
But that wasn't enough. After Chloë put it back on the washer for me, and I sent the three of them to keep cleaning their rooms... she ran right back down to tell me that they'd just done it again, in Sophia's room.
I snapped. I mean, what the hell?! (Obviously, spanking doesn't work, so I won't be doing that again.
I was very upset. I sent them upstairs before I could inflict further bodily harm (after all, these are my children, and I do love them and don't want them to suffer what we did growing up), and turned around on my heel.
I packed. My purse, my phone, my knitting. When Rob came home shortly thereafter, I sprung from my chair.
"I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore. I don't have my car! I need my freedom! We're going nuts here! Look at this house! LOOK at this living room, the kitchen, upstairs, LOOK! I don't know where I'm going or when I'll be back." I was very tearful.
(Our house is in pieces right now because the floor renovation is not yet complete.)
I got out to the car, decided to go to the bank to deposit some paychecks, and realized I'd forgotten my purse. I really didn't want to go back into that hellhole house, so I tootled the horn a couple times. Rob came out, brought my my purse. He looked very concerned.
"Are you leaving me?"
No. Of course not. I just needed a break. A breeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkk.
And so I left. I did my banking, fighting back the tears all the way there. My dead phone was now charged enough to call Stephanie and see if she wanted company. She did. I headed over. It's not a short drive, she lives way out there. And there was a downpour. The interstate turned into a parking lot, so I texted Rob to tell him where I was going, and he texted back that the hellions kids were cleaning, and he was packing the living room. At last. Maybe I should leave every night.
So Steph and Tim hosted me for the next give-or-take four hours. Steph worked on putting her pictures in frames that she painted and decorated, while I knitted. Tim did computer stuff but made dinner. I didn't eat, because they were having beefy tacos, but I sat there with them and worked on the sweater while we chatted.
It was fun. It was light and easy. And thank the good Lord above, it was QUIET. Even with two big dogs (ours barks a lot when people are over. Theirs don't. Although my white t-shirt didn't stand a chance against Rosie)!
I so needed that tonight. I made a lot of knitting progress without having to stop every ten seconds to attend to needs or messes:
It's coming along decently. Blocking will make it look great. I hope.
So that was the craziness. Y'all didn't tell me whether I should or shouldn't go back to Jeff, my old therapist. I need input. Steph says yes.
Tomorrow, I'm hoping it doesn't rain yet again, so we can get out of this house and go swimming and to the park. And that Rob makes it a priority to come home early and take his fucking truck to get inspected. And that it passes.
Hope with me.