Friday Fragments
Six Word Saturday

Damn That Man

...Because it's easier to blame my day falling apart at the seams on him than it is to accept it myself, I'm going to go with that. Yeah.


Yesterday ended, and today began, here. Pretty much. Picture it: Living room, 0230, I'm lying there wide awake after having the fever-sleep off and on during the day, even having taken a sleeping pilly. Nada. Nope. Not happening.

So I decided to get up and monkey around in the office. I've been selling lots of tutus at the clearance price lately, which makes me want to make up more with the tulle I've got, and sell those, too. I just want to be rid of it all and make room for ... something else. Or nothing. Nothing would be great. Empty space, I dream of you.

And then, Sophie comes trotting down the stairs, wide awake, telling me that she can't sleep. Only, no sooner did I collect my sweet babe into my arms, than she fell asleep in them. Look at her. She is so big... but she is still little. I love that paradox of childhood. Big! But little!

I set her on the couch with her father and went back to the office to fiddle. First I made this tutu:


in charcoal and ivory, for no one in particular. Just for Etsy. I had many-hundred blogs to read in my Google Reader, and e-mails to answer, and, well, Farmville to keep me company while I made the tootie-toots. Because 0400 didn't seem late enough to stay up, I stayed right there and worked on this one:


in eggplant and ivory. Every time I finish a new tutu, I think, "Ohh, that's so pretty!" I think they all are. I wish I could wear one. I wish my girls wore theirs every single day. They used to. I think they got overloaded with tutus, though. But I digress.

So by the time I finished the second tutu and read about, oh, 400 blogs (mostly skimmed and deleted; I delete the fun and fluff ones like design and celebrity blogs when I have too many to read, but I almost always read all the parenting and knitting ones), it was well nigh on 0700. Time to get the kids up for school.

Oh yes, school. Remember that place? They didn't want to go back. Especially Jack. He pitched a royal fit. And neither of the Bigs knew where their glasses were. And Rob didn't want to get up and help get them ready, and I was beyond tired by that point, and and and. But somehow, we got them off in one piece.

Rob went upstairs to nap, while I read through some of my favorite blogs for deals and freebies and such. Today was supposed to be my day for sanitizing the house, but instead, I found rather a lot of good deals to be used at LH Mall. And I decided to take a fun day, a day for me, free of the house, free of the flu, free of work, free of the kids, free of the dreaded cleaning.

And why not? It would all still be there when I got back.

Only, it didn't quite work out that way.

I was hoping to be at the mall by 10:00 and home well before the bus came after 1500.  Instead, my husband woke up while I was showering, and overcome by the forces of attraction of my major loose saggy skin naked body, he sequestered me to the room for the next, um, two hours. Yes, two hours. Good times, good times. I didn't complain much.

TMI? Whatever. You know I don't shy away. 

I will tell you this, too: he had a fever, so his balls were hanging so low, I told him he should just go as a pair of nuts for Halloween. He was practically tripping over them! Wait, maybe that was TMI, even for moi.


My BFF Lisa, from New York, wanted a picture of my hair from all sides.  I semi-styled it and had Rob take pictures. They aren't great, but here's a current one of me. He insists I have a major wonky eye. Do I? If so, then my apologies to Dr. Michael Bidus (of hysterectomy fame last year) for mentioning his! (And eek, I look more like my dad all the time. Scary.)

So. By the time I got downstairs, it was noon o'clock, and the preschool was calling me to say Sophie had a sore throat and could I please come get her?

Here we go. Day over.

I kind of figured they wouldn't last, which is why I wanted to get to the mall so early. Damn that man!

Of course, I rushed right out to pick her up. She had a miserable look on her face when I entered, but as soon as she saw me, Sophia brightened right up and smiled the biggest grin ever. She jumped out of her chair, where she was NOT eating birthday cake, and ran over to me. "Mommy! Mommy!"

We collected all her belongings, and then, naturally, I though it would be a good idea to head over to the main school and check on Jack and Chloë. I didn't want to get all the way home and then get a call to come back for them!

Mrs. B., Chloë's language arts teacher, was right at the front of the school when we came in, so I got her attention . She took me into the cafeteria to find Chloë, but Curls wasn't there. Where could she be?

The nurse. She was already at the nurse. Good thing I arrived to swoop in and take her home!

Jack was brought in, but he insisted he was fine and wanted to stay at school. Major shocker there!! I said good-bye and then left with the girls.

The girls, at this time, both seemed more or less fine, just a little disappointed to be missing their Halloween parties. I had no clue they were really still quite sick. I am, apparently, pretty stupid. Damn me! It's the FLU, for heaven's sake, and they are little children. I should have given them at least a week. But I didn't. Sigh.

We went home to, I don't know, get my coupons for the mall and drop off their school stuff. We kissed Daddy good-bye, as he was headed to work, and left for the mall venture.


Our first stop - which, as warm as the day was, probably should have been our last - was to Edible Arrangements to pick up our free six-piece chocolate-dipped fruit sampler. Nice, huh? Did you see that promotion for becoming a fan on Facebook? Well, you know I had to jump all over that. Nice freebie! Too bad I couldn't partake.

While there, I got a phone call about doing a certain kids' shoe store mystery shop, at THAT mall. I didn't want to take it, but I can never say no, and heck, I was already there anyway. So I accepted it.

And then in the parking lot to drive over to the main mall parking lot, I got another call from someone who had found me via Google, needing a tutu TONIGHT. An all-black, ladies' size small, black tutu. I didn't have any black tulle, but she sounded absolutely desperate, so I told her I'd find some and make her the tutu tonight. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I only quoted her $25 for it, too, when in reality, I would have charged her more like $40-50 i f I wasn't clearancing! Dodo-head, I am!

Anyway, so the race was on to get our mall stuff done and then get back to get Jack. I was in a mad hurry. The girls were dawdling. I was pulling them along. That was the scene.


We went to Old Navy in the mall first. All Halloween items were marked down to $2 for today and tomorrow (Halloween) only, plus I had a coupon for 15% off that!   I managed to score these 14 things for less than $25. All of which we can use either now or this time next year. It won't be wasted. And hey, $2. Can't beat it. (Well, you can. $1, say, or 50¢. But just you hush.)


We hurried to the other side of the mall, where I had a coupon at Vickie's Secret for a free lip gloss with a bra fitting. Um, the girl wanted to measure me right in the middle of the store, over my shirt. I gave her a weird look, so she pulled me into the dressing room hallway and still measured me over my shirt. After my last professional fitting, which took about an hour, at the boob store, this was bewildering to me! (Before, I was a 38G. Now she measured me at "either" a 38DD or a 40D - my choice. Uh, I think I'll go back to the boob store.) All I really wanted was the free lippy anyway, and I got it!

Next up, I had a coupon for a free anti-bacterial thingy at Bath & Body Works with any purchase, and it was right next store. I scooped up some of the 5/$5 hand sanitizers - which turned out to be the free gift anyway - and was heading toward the cash wrap when we ran into none other but Linda!

After the initial recognition, she said to me, "Hey, you don't look sick." This was after telling me yesterday that, on the phone, I didn't sound sick. It kind of annoyed me. I don't care how I look, I don't care how I sound... I'm telling you how I feel, and how I feel is I HAVE THE FLU. Plus I was in a huge hurry to get back and get Jack, so I was maybe a little pissy with her. Or maybe not, I really don't know, but I'm kind of irritated with her about something else entirely and don't care right now! The girls saved me by saying they both had to go potty RIGHT NOW, so I threw back all the products and ran them down the mall to the bathroom.

And then I remembered that shoe store shop I'd taken on (which I still haven't reported, oops). We quickly did the purchase portion of the shop and walked out with a new pair of boots, "for Sophia."

Next door, I had a coupon for The Picture People, for a free session and 8x10. My very original plan was to bring Rob in there this morning, in his uniform, to take the picture his mom has been asking for for at least two weeks now. But he STILL didn't have the uniform ready. Then we, uh, wasted those two hours, and he didn't have time after that. So I decided to see if they had an appointment left for later in the day, to get the kids done in their Halloween costumes. They had one. I made it. We left.

It was time to go get Jack. We tore through the mall, and when we were almost at the van, I realized Sophie didn't have "her" boots with her, which she had begged to carry!!! Feck! Thankfully, I had the phone number to the portrait place on their coupon, and they had the boots and would hold them for me. Phew.

Traffic was major by that point, and I was pleading-praying to be home in time for the bus. It was already 10 minutes later than I'd wanted to leave... but we made it! Three minutes ahead of schedule, AND the bus was a few minutes late.

Jack, who had been quite the perky boy in school, burst into tears the minute he saw me. He was warm. He felt crappy. I could see it in him. I carried him all the way home, but sadly, we couldn't stay there. I'd promised to get that tutu done, I'd made the picture appointment, and we'd left the boots behind where I needed to back and return them anyway.  AND I'd promised to bring Rob dinner, meaning he'd left home without any food. Sheee-it.

So we went back out. At first, we stopped at Boston Market, where I had that coupon for a $1 chicken meal. It sounded good to me, and would feed all four of us! We waited in the long drive-thru line for half an hour, with all the kids coughing and finally, sleeping, in the back, before it dawned on me that my wallet was still at home in the Old Navy bag. Gah!


So I had no choice but to go all the way back home and get it. Forget Boston Market, that would have to wait. We went to A.C. Moore, where I knew they carried the tulle. In black. I'd gotten it there before. They turned out to only have ONE small roll of it, whereas I'd need at least four to make the tutu.  I picked up some other foofoo things for finishing tutus (it's a sickness, I tell you) while the nice lady called the other store to see if they had some. They didn't.

We drove to Michaels. They didn't have it.

Joann's didn't have it.

Party City didn't have it.

Hancock's didn't have it either, but they had bolts of black tulle fabric! I'll take it!! I knew it was going to be a lot more work for me, but I'd promised the girl I'd make it, and I didn't want to let her down.  We bought the whole bolt, all 8 yards at $1.99/yd, since I had no clue how many it would take in that form, and I could always use the rest in another tutu.

Then we headed straight back to the mall. I knew the pictures weren't happening, since they were all pretty cough-y and cranky and cry-y by that point, but I at least had to get the boots and finish the shop. So I rescheduled the picture appointment for Sunday afternoon. Hopefully they'll all be well enough by then to do it cheerfully.

Quick poll: Should I still do the Halloween picture on Sunday? Or just a casual one of them? Or maybe one of all five of us? Please tell me what to do; I can't decide.


B&BW was right there, so we went back to use that coupon. This time, I found a $1 bottle of lotion, and bought that to get my free hand sani. It smells GOOD, too! (The sani; not so found of the lotion, but it's okay.)


I had one last coupon, for $1 tarts and votives at Yankee Candle. I burn those tarts like a crazy woman, and they are normally $2 - and the kids had temporarily rallied - so we ran in and grabbed 10 of the three newest scents. I'd thought I wouldn't really like the Autumn Wreath one, but it turned out to be my favorite of the fall scents. It smells amazing!! I can't wait to burn it.

Finally, I grabbed my cantankerous crew and headed home. They were so relieved. Poor, poor babies.

They lay in the living room, sipping water, while I worked hard and fast on the black tutu for this evening. It took forever to cut all that tulle up into the proper-sized strips and then cut those strips into the lengths I needed. It was tedious, and this was the one tutu I didn't enjoy making. 


But I finished! At 2000 hrs, it was complete. I called the girl to let her know she could come get it.

No answer.

I left a voicemail.

At 2030, I called again. No answer.

At 2100, I called again. No answer.

I gave up after that. It's now 0030. I am seriously, seriously pissed. If she stands me up after all we went through to make this tutu for her - for so cheap!!! - I am going to hunt her down and beat her ass. (Never you mind that I'm a total wuss. I will do it.)

By this point, Jack was dead asleep on the couch, and the girls were pretty chill. Rob had talked me into getting not only HIS food, but food for his two night-duty crew members, too. Something about gratitude and loyalty, yadda yadda.(He's the boss, you know.) I had just gotten a MyPoints offer for Dominos pizza & subs, so I jumped on that. He didn't want the Bostom Market thing, so that'll have to keep 'til tomorrow. 


The food arrived, and I roused everyone to go out to the base. They were all sound asleep in the car when we got there. Rob came out and got all the food - including the chocolate fruit I brought along - and that was it. Gone in a flash. I felt a little underappreciated!

So now we're home, and that's that. The black tutu is still here, and I'm seething about it. But I had a fun day of "treats," and a miserable day of being a shitty mother to my kids.

Tomorrow, they are NOT going to soccer! Their whole job this weekend is to rest and get much better before attempting to trick-or-treat or go back to school.

Oh, and find those fricking glasses.


P.S. Sorry for the length. I never, ever start out intending it to be so long!