Should Not Be Here
Friday Fragments

One-Year "Surgiversary"

Hi all!! The busyness just hasn't stopped for us lately. It's been go-go-go, so my time to work on the blahg, here, has been gone-gone-gone. (I'm lame, I know.) I keep saying I'm going to catch up, and then I don't. I do need to sleep sometime!

Anyway, one year ago today, my new life began when I had Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass Surgery! I've come a long way, baby, in that time. I went from this:

Before Pic 

341.3 lbs the night before surgery, to this:


taken by Chloë last night before bed, at 180.6 lbs. That's down 160.7 lbs in one year's time!

Lots of other changes besides my physical appearance have taken place, too:

- I can now buckle myself in my car when I drive, instead of driving around hoping the police won't stop my fat, unbuckled ass and give me a ticket

- I can probably, although I haven't had the chance to test it, fly now without requesting a seatbelt extender

- (TMI) I can wipe myself when I go to the bathroom, instead of being stranded and waiting for my husband to come and help me :( (I think that was the worst part of the whole thing, for both of us)

- I can walk! This time a year ago, I was having to ride the cart around at the store and bring Rob with me to go grocery shopping, because my back hurt too much to walk. We could hardly ever GO for a walk, and if we did, I had to stop every 30 feet or so to stop all the painful spasms in my back. Now, I hardly ever spasm, and I can walk as long as I want, free of pain. It's an amazing, freeing feeling.

- I stopped taking my reflux medicine, a long time ago. I was diagnosed with GERD and have been on meds ever since 1999, and I haven't taken anything for it since at least May or so!

- My own personal Great Depression has lifted! I felt bad - really, really bad - about myself, and suicidal thoughts were often at the forefront of my mind. I haven't had a suicidal thought since February, and now I feel really good about myself! I'm happy, truly happy, for the first time in about 8 years. (And after my abdominoplasty, sometime between now and summer, I'll feel truly GREAT about myself!)

- My blood pressure has gone from out-of-control to freaking awesome!

- I don't think about food every second of every day. It doesn't control my life. I don't care if I never eat chocolate again, or doughnuts or cookies or cake or any of that crap. I don't need it, I don't want it, and I don't miss it!

- I can go upstairs in my house. I can run around with my children now and get down and play with them on the floor, instead of parenting them from the couch. That part has to be the best!

- I have a libido again, and my husband is all over me, all the time. Sweet mercy!

- I don't hate clothes shopping now! It's been my nemesis for much of my life, but now I get excited seeing those numbers on the tags go down, down, down.

- I can (usually, unless they're from a bad angle) tolerate having my picture taken. Before, I would all but run (because I just don't run, unless I have to) from the camera. Now, I pose willingly. Hee, I've turned into Chloë!

- I've been called "tiny" for the first time in my life, by at least three people! I'm hardly tiny, but who cares? I'll take it!

... and on and on. It's been really great. I'm so thankful for this wonderful "tool" I've been given to get my life back. I'm 33 years old and instead of being sure I was going to die young like my mother (who was 33 when she died), I'm positive I have a long, happy life stretched out before me with my amazing, supportive family.

I still have goals to reach. I would love to be able to say, "Hey, I've lost TWO HUNDRED POUNDS!!" which means another 40 to go. I'd love to get into single-digit clothing sizes. I'd love for my (small of stature) husband to be able to slam me up against the wall and...well, that's personal. ;) I want to be able to wear my bathing suit at the beach or pool and not be trying to hide every inch of my disgusting self, but rather walk proudly and confidently.

And I want to run... not from fear of being chased or missing the bus, but just out of the joy of life. Run for the sake of running, just because I can.