Sunday Stealing: The Questionable Questions Meme

Okay, seriously, Typepad? I haven't blogged in how many days and you still haven't fixed the no-picture thing? Lame.

Link up here if you're thievin' today.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

Well, I'd be hurt and angry, duh. Only a crazy person would be deligh... oh. Wait.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

I was going to say, "No one would die until I was ready," but that sounded horrible. Because, let's face, who wants me to say, "Okay, I'm ready for you to die now"?! So my dream would be that no child ever gets mistreated, abused, neglected, unloved, or otherwise unfairly treated. Once they turn 18, though, fair game. (I kid.)

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

There are a lot of things that bug the ever-living shit out of me, but I think people smoking around kids has to be that one thing. Seriously? In 2011? Knowing what we know? You. Big. Asshole.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

I'd be sensible. I'd get a good financial advisor and invest it smartly, so that we could live off the interest. I'd donate a large portion of it, ensure the children all had trust funds, and give a million to everyone who kissed my ass I love. I would get all my extra skin cut off and get some bangin' new boobs, and clothes to show them off. And then I'd skip town with my best bud and the kids we made. Forever.

5. Could you fall in love with your best friend?

Done deal. Really, is that so surprising a possibility?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Ooh, that's a good one. The ones who don't think it through will automatically say "being loved," I think. But loving someone, truly being able to feel real, deep, enduring love, so strongly that you give up your own desires for the good of someone else? What an amazing feeling.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

Forever.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

Cry, cry, cry. And flirt shamelessly. Hell, you only live once.

9. If you'd like to act (movies, stage) with someone, who would it be?

Ah, but you said "if." But if I had to, I think it would be Jon Lithgow. He could make a potato credible.

10. What do you expect of your loved one?

Be true to who you are, and be true to me...

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

Holy crap. I can't even imagine myself at 44 years old. Seriously? I thought I'd be dead by now, truly. Nope. Can't imagine it.

12. What’s your fear?

I have Anxiety Disorder, so the question is, what's not? I'm afraid of success, and I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid someone might not like me (but many don't, and I know it). I'm afraid of attention, and I'm afraid of not getting any. I'm afraid that I am going to go completely looney-tunes and be aware of it at the same time...

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?

Come on. That's so cliché. I've been everything but married and rich, how 'bout that for a change??

14. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Go back to sleep until my bladder revolts or Sophia pries open my eyelids.

15. Do you ever hold back in a relationship?

Sure I do, but not a real-love one.

16. If you fell in love with two people simultaneously, how would you pick?

I have been in that situation. It's no fun for anybody; I don't recommend it. If everybody loves everybody, then you pick the one you've had kids with. If that's not an issue, then you pick the one who picks you. If that's not an issue, then don't ask me. I have enough issues.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

No matter what??! No. The last guy broke my two front teeth. He was out of my life exactly zero seconds later. And if "that special someone" hurt my child? He'd live to regret it.

18. What are your three most important expectations in love?

Didn't I answer this question already? Okay, let's pretend I haven't. If I'm in love with you, and you're in love with me back, then I expect: (1) to laugh all the effing time, (2) to drive you crazy and be driven back by you, and (3) to be in it until the end. Forever, the end, amen, let's eat.

Fin.

P.S. And for Pete's sake, won't someone leave a comment on my new business website, already? I make good eats, people!!