Activist. Navy Veteran's wife. Proud mum of 3 kiddos and 1 angel. Lyme/Lupus/Fibro/Ehlers-Danlos/POTS/MCAS/etc. warrior. Unashamed, unafraid bleeding-heart liberal snowflake tree-hugging vegan-type. Defender of all the living things - except the evil ones. Empath. Ally to and glad co-conspirator with LGBTQ+ & BLM communities. Inquire within.
Hello, hello, y'all. I very nearly missed this week's questionnaire, but I pulled myself up to get it done. We've all been doing this for so long "together," and I don't want to lose that.
Happy Spring, Northern Hemisphereans! I'm so delighted. #understatement
Not much really happened here this week that I can think of; that is a good thing! Two weeks ago, my lithium levels were way too low, and I was planning on jumping off the nearest tall building. Now that the doctor has raised my dosage, I feel so, so, so much better. It was almost overnight! And I'm so thankful, so grateful to still be here.
Let's get it done. (P.S. I was just about to post this, and then my Chrome died, closing all my windows and not returning all the content I had here. So I'm aggravated now. GAH!)
1) In this song, John Legend sings that both he and his girl have "room to grow." What about you? In what areas would you like to improve?
Well, hard to do being here in a small hotel room (for yet another two months! Ugh!), but when we move into our new home I really want to make it a point to get out of bed and at least circulate with the family downstairs, every day. I'm in bed so much, some days I don't see anyone but Hubs. And the dogs are getting entirely too used to cozying up with me all day. Something's gotta change, and I want to make the effort. I do not want the pain and fatigue from Lyme dictate what I do for the rest of my days.
2) He sings that when he hangs up in anger, she calls him back. Are you quicker to anger, or quicker to forgive?
Both! And quick to apologize, too. If someone apologizes to me, it's done, it's over.
3) "Ordinary People" was John Legend's first big hit. He originally wrote it for The Black Eyed Peas, but -- happily for him -- recorded it himself. Have you ever purchased a gift for someone else but then decided to keep it yourself?
Really? I love the Peas but I can't see them doing this song justice. As for me, I don't think I've ever done that, but I for sure have wished I had enough money at that moment for a second one. Several times!
4) Ordinary People is also the title of an acclaimed novel by Judith Guest and an Oscar-winning film. Are you familiar with either the movie or the book?
Of course, I definitely knew the movie - my mother was a huge fan of Barbra Streisand. I remember that just a couple of months before she died, she took 7-year-old me and 8-year-old Stacey (my big sister) to the movies to see Yentl. It's one of my last memories with my mom, so I cherish and love Barbra for it, too. As for the book, I don't think I had heard of it, but now it's on my "want to read" list on Goodreads. Thanks!
5) John is married to Chrissy Teigen, who gained fame as a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. When is the last time you dove in? Were you in a pool, lake, river or sea?
Atlantic Ocean in August and September when we first got here to Maryland from Idaho, but it was a while before that that I actually got in and swam. In the summer of 2017, I swam with the fam at the Boise reservoir. It was a good day, and we had fun, but then I came down with this horrid bacterial infection that left me wishing for death. I hadn't heard of that particular critter before; I guess it was a big enough deal for the county epidemiologist to call me up and interview me over the phone. Guess I lost my nerve after that!
6) John unexpectedly proposed to Chrissy on vacation, but he was afraid airport security would ruin the surprise when they went through his carry on very thoroughly. He worried she would see the ring box and he'd have to drop down to one knee right there at the airport! Tell us about one of your flights: your first, your most recent or your most memorable.
It was just really odd flying back here to the East Coast this past summer. The jets were sparsely populated instead of overcrowded, and there was no food or drink service, and we were all constantly reminded to pull up our masks here or that way or whatever. It was tense and scary on the one hand, but also just another adventure arrow to stick in our quivers, I guess.
7) John is currently a coach on The Voice. The other coaches are Nick Jonas, Kelly Clarkson and Blake Shelton. Of those four singers, which is your favorite?
Gotta go with my girl Kelly! I was nursing my first newborn Chloë when Kelly competed on and won the first season of American Idol.
8) In 2005, when this song was popular, Johnny Carson died. After he retired from The Tonight Show in 1993, he traveled extensively and discovered he especially enjoyed photographic safaris in Africa. If time and money were no object, where would you go on vacation?
I'd have all the money and the time, you say?! Well sure, I'd visit all the continents in turn, thoroughly and passionately. But I wouldn't stop there. I'd say hello to Moon and then head outward for a glimpse of Mars before I hovered out around my favorite planet, Jupiter. I'll end this story of mine there, though, since it's too far-fetched even for me.
9) Random question -- In your typical day, what's the longest you usually go without saying a word to another person: all day, a few hours, an hour, or five minutes?
Right now, maybe about an hour, possibly two hours. But I've always got this little guy and his chonky sister to talk to!
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All right, phew, I made it and hopefully will save it in time in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Hey, guys. This week, we'll be talking about Tony Bennett, a master at his craft who died a little over a week ago. But I couldn't let this go without also mentioning another master (won't call her a mistress of) her craft, who sadly died at only 56 just a few days ago: Sinéad O'Connor. (She later changed her name to Shuhada' Sadaqat after converting to Islam, but kept the original when performing.) I'm so distraught over her death. Please, if you or someone you love is struggling with mental health issues, know the suicide hotline phone numbers, text numbers, and any other available helps. Share them with that person. Watch them. Check in with them. Show them that yes, somebody does care about them. /PSA Thank you.
If you're playing along today, please link up here to have some fun with Anthony Benedetto and pals!
Chosen in memory of Tony Bennett, who passed away on July 21.
1) In this song, Tony sings that he recognizes his lover's insecurities because she's a lot like him. Are you unsure in social situations? Or do you meet new people easily?
I'm very timid and insecure, at least at first. Once I've gotten to know people and am comfortable with them, I can totally let loose. But at first? I'm super uncomfortable.
2) While singing was his livelihood, painting was Tony Bennett's passion. What hobby do you participate in with the greatest enthusiasm?
Well, let's see. I spend the most time on creating Paper Hugs for Mama Dragons, since it's such a constant need. The hobby for which I feel the strongest fervor would definitely be knitting, followed by crochet, both of which I've done very little of since we lived in Florida. Sad to say. But I'm thrilled to say I've got a project going right now. And the project I'd like to spend the most money on? Yarn-collecting. I could spend an absolute fortune at places like Expression Fiber Arts (some of whose yarns are shown here, along with link right here) and then just stroke and rub my cheek on the wool that comes to my house, before I ever start knitting. Heh. Yarn collecting is definitely a hobby, trust me.
3) Tony was a proud son of New Jersey. Many singers hail from The Garden State, including Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi and Frank Sinatra. What heroes, heroines or celebrities hail from your home state?
I'm from New York. Shall we say at least a good 30%? No? Okay, I'll put some work in. Stay right there. I'll be back.
Y'all. I got lost. That is a long list! I'm only going to post a small smattering of original-New Yorkers here, who are only names I know.
Semi-random draw from that subset: (a) Iron Man himself, Robert Downey, Jr. (b) Scarlett Johansson aka "ScarJo"
(c) the beautiful Kerry Washington (d) ooh! Claire Danes! I've loved her since her "My So-Called Life" days (e) oh, another one I love: Lucy Liu, who I admired on Kill Bill & Charlie's Angels, among other things (f) Diane Lane (g) Ahh, here's the one on this list I was waiting for, who I knew would be there: Alicia Keys (h) Julia Stiles, about whom they're always making false claims (random people online, don't know who or why) that she's out of work, out of money, homeless, you name it. Always liked her (i) another big crush: Lenny Kravitz, and finally (j) (so hard to narrow this last slot down!) Whoopi Goldberg
4) Though Tony dreamed of becoming a commercial artist, he had to drop out of school in his teens to help support his family. Looking back on your teen years, what did you want to do for a living? Is that what you ended up doing?
When I was a tween and a teenager, I wanted desperately to be a marine biologist. At 17, I was accepted to the marine science + biology double major Bachelor and Doctoral program at UMiami. I got the bachelor's degree in three years and always jokingly whined I got my degree before I was "legal." Anyway, by that point, the shark researcher I wanted to do my Ph.D. with had lost his funding for graduate students, which left me up shit's creek without a paddle.
I had to pivot. Since I was only 20, I had plenty of time, but I was always in a hurry for everything. I started busting my hump preparing for the GRE, on which I eventually earned nearly a perfect score. I wrote to several professors/labs saying I wanted work with them, etc., even there was really only one. That one wrote me back and told me what I needed to bone up on in order to get into his lab - and I got in. Long story short, I wanted to be a marine biologist, I was a marine biologist. Until I left to go be wife and mom.
5) During WWII, Tony served in Germany. The first time his voice was broadcast was during an aircheck for Armed Forced Radio. For the occasion he sang "St. James Infirmary." That was Tony's first. Let's contrast it with your last. What's the most recent song you sang?
Chloë, Noah and I semi-sorta-kinda sang "Nothing Compares 2 U," along with Sinéad O'Connor, through our Echo Pop last night. Also this photograph just nearly made me start bawling.
6) After the War, Bob Hope saw him perform under his real name, Anthony Benedetto. Hope told him that, no matter how great his talent, his name would hold him back because it was too long for a marquee. And so, Tony Bennett was born. Tell us about a marquee in your town. Is it announcing a movie, play, or concert performance?
Well, there are the movie marquees advertising movies, especially Barbie & Oppenheimer, of course. But I'm waiting for something new to come out, or a few things, because the family and I want to drive about 2½ hours to the nearest drive-in theater for a double-header, and they're not so interested in those two. Someone let me know when things change!
7) In 2006, he recorded his Duets album, partnering with a variety of singers he admired. Tony said he enjoyed working with Paul McCartney at London's Abbey Road Studios, where the Beatles created their classic recordings. If you vacationed in London, what would you be sure to visit?
I'm such a tourist! Among other things, I'd have to go to Buckingham palace to see the changing of the guard. That and seeing Big Ben would be on my must list.
8) "I've Got Your Number" was performed by Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore on The Dick Van Dyke Show. According to Dick, they were so believable as a married couple that he received glares from a hotel clerk while checking in with his real-life wife, Margie. What TV or movie couple do you feel had "chemistry?"
Hmm... what about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Whaaaaat? Too soon?
9) Special summertime random question: Would you have more fun at a pro baseball game or an art museum exhibit?
I could have a lot of fun at either. I love going to a baseball game, but it's kind of sunny and hot for me (bad for me to be out in for hours, with my autoimmune problems), so maybe I should stick with an art museum for now - like one of these 3D museums? I've always wanted to go to Lisbon, Portugal!
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Well, I hope you all have a tremendously wonderful weekend. If you have plans outside, stay safe and wear sunblock. TTFN! (Haven't said that in centuries, haha)
Hey everyone! I'm just back from a whirlwind 3-day trip to Philadelphia with my birthday sorta-twin, my eldest kiddo, Chloë. She turned 21, so yes, there was alcohol. She wanted more cocktails, but that will come in due time, I'm quite sure. Meanwhile, she's 4'9", so I gave her plenty of information on how to make sure she stayed safe while drinking!
I love this week's song and have since it came out. Perhaps because I identify, perhaps the beat, perhaps Merton's voice alone? Maybe everything. I think everything. Link up here if you're joining us today!
1) This song is about a woman who has moved a lot and is always packing boxes. Do you have packing materials (boxes, bubble wrap, packing tape, etc.) in your home right now? Do you have them on hand to ship things, or are you preparing for a move?
Yes to all of that: boxes, bubble wrap, and packing tape (bonus points for wadded-up newspaper?). Also yes to ship things, but mainly these items were from a move. No, moves. Probably at least three: Virginia to Florida, Florida to Idaho, Idaho to Maryland. There will be NO more moves.
2) She sings that she moves from place to place, collecting memories. Would you rather travel light and travel often, or put down roots?
YES.
3) She can recall all the gates and house numbers of all the places she's lived. Does your current residence have a fence and gate? Did your previous one?
The previous one did; the current one does not - yet. It was just built; finishing touches were still being put on it as we completed our final walk-through before moving in as the ink dried a year ago. Can we put in one like this, honey?? ("No." - HOA)
4) This week's artist, Alice Merton, moved often as a child as her father's job took the family from Germany to the US to Canada to England back to Germany ... She wrote this song to help her deal with feelings of loneliness and longing. When you're feeling overwhelmed, how do you work through the feelings?
They must've been Army. Relatable. We're Navy (were?).
Feelings. Well, I had a horribly traumatic upbringing with no healthy outlet for feelings, so I have severe mental illnesses (medicated well) like Bipolar 1 Disorder and C-PTSD, etc, and will be in therapy for the rest of my life. Inwardly I cry a lot, so I'd say that's how I work through my feelings, but my meds prevent the crying. So I try to use humor as much as possible. I write, I talk and tell funny stories and try to pester my people as little - or maybe as much - as possible with them, and... I'll be in therapy for probably the rest of my life.
I hope for a better outcome for my kids, but I also know bipolar disorder can be heritable and that trauma can change one's DNA.
5) Alice is still on the move. Soon she'll be performing throughout Europe. Have you ever had a job that required you to travel? If yes, did you enjoy it?
Yes, I did. I mystery shopped my way from hotel to hotel, resort to resort, high-end restaurant to high-end restaurant (and everywhere in between), in multiple states, back when the kids were much younger. It's tricky navigating that sort of job with three littles, pets, and a husband who usually who has to stay at home, but I did it and was really sought after until I got sick. I love traveling, whether by car, ship, or plane, so I think handling the kid end of things was easier on me.
6) "No Roots" is a favorite of Kelly Clarkson's, who has performed it on tour and on TV. When you think of Kelly, is at as a singer, a judge on The Voice, or as a talk show host?
I think of her - and love her! - in that order. I watched her win that first American Idol, so it seems natural that way.
7) In 2017, when this song was popular, Faye Dunaway made Oscar history by announcing the wrong winner for the biggest award of the night, Best Picture. It wasn't her fault as she was given the wrong envelope, but she's one who made the on-screen flub seen around the world. Have you recently had an embarrassing moment?
This was me in our hotel in Philly. It's called the Ritz-Carlton, you know it? Well, because of my illness, I usually take baths and not showers. I have issues with balance and fatigue among other things, so it's better for me to do that stuff sort of lying down. Well, my hair is freshly colored, and this brand tends to wash out and wash out until it's just time to dye it again. So I have to take a bath. In that. Which isn't great, but there it is. And then the tub. won't. drain. And we had to have an engineer come to the room and fix the now-pink bathtub. And because of my autoimmune/thyroid issues, I lose a lot of pink hair, too, so how much was in the drain? I don't even know. That wasn't the reason that it wouldn't drain, though, because Chloë and I tried to drain some multiple times before I even got in (it was too hot). Cringe!
8) Wonder Woman was 2017's most popular movie. She was originally introduced in a 1941 DC comic book. Comic books remain a big business. Have you ever been to a comic book store?
I actually have not, except as, y'know, transported there in shows such as The Big Bang Theory and other such gems we all ate up over the years. I should, if only because my oldest and youngest are both into manga, but I get most of what I buy for them on the used online book store, Thriftbooks. Check it out, you won't be disappointed. Everything is always in much better condition than I'd even hoped.
9) Random question: Is your skin itchy this morning?
My, that is random, Crazy Sam! No, it's not, but I'll be sure and report back if that status changes!
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Take care and have a lovely Saturday on purpose, y'all!
Hello, weekend friends. I deserted you again, yes, for health reasons. Ugh. Let's jump right in. For 9 interesting questions jumping off from Elvis' "Moody Blue," link up with Saturday 9 HERE.
1) This song was recorded in the special studio Elvis had built in the Jungle Room of Graceland. During the pandemic, have you made like Elvis and worked from home?
No longer applicable to me. I used to do various things to have multiple streams of income, but my health has depleted my ability to do any of that now.
2) Elvis sings that his girl is completely unpredictable. Which quality to you find more attractive: spontaneity or dependability?
Oddly enough, I find myself choosing "dependability." I suppose that was always what the answer was all along, but with me being Bipolar 1, when mania struck, I've always begged for a bit of spontaneity from everyone else, too. What, it's 4 in the morning? So? And?
3) He only performed the song once in concert. In February 1977, shortly after the record was released, Elvis sang "Moody Blue" live in Charlotte, NC, but had to rely on lyric sheet. Crazy Sam can sympathize because she seems to forget passwords as soon as she sets them. Do you often struggle with your memory?
I do, and it's killing me. I never did struggle, but now I seem to have no memory at all. Even what should be important things are lost in the ether. When I'm able to pull something out of my memory, even just a word, we cheer.
4) "Moody Blue" was the final hit of Elvis' lifetime, only getting to #31 in the US but reaching #3 in the UK. What's your favorite Elvis song?
Oh, man. That's a HARD one for me. I grew up with a dad who absolutely idolized Elvis. I have several and am finding it impossible to narrow down to one. May I please have two? My dad was always singing "Jailhouse Rock," so that must be a finalist.
And I'm sure "Hound Dog" must have been one of the first songs I learned to sing. With inflection and charisma and all that, even. But not with the hips and other dancing, like my dad.
5) We're focusing on Elvis this week because January 8 would be his 87th birthday. He enjoyed celebrating his birthday by renting the Memphis movie theater and watching the latest movie with an invited group of friends. What's your favorite way to celebrate your birthday?
On my birthdays, four months earlier than Elvis', I love at least dipping my toes in the water - even if it has to happen this way.
8) For his 11th birthday, young Elvis asked for a rifle or a bicycle. His mother deemed the gun too dangerous and the bike too expensive and instead gave her son his first guitar. Tell us about a memorable birthday from your youth.
I actually can't.
7) Elvis loved horses and kept them in the stable at Graceland. His favorite was a palomino named Rising Sun. To honor both horse and rider, Elvis' daughter has always kept a palomino in the stable whose name includes "sun." The current resident is Tuscan Sun. Known as "Tucky," he's lived at Graceland for more than 20 years now and is a favorite of Alene Alexander, who maintains the stable and reports he has "attitude and knows he's prettier than everybody else." Tell us about an animal who holds a place in your heart.
Shortly after we bought our house in Idaho, we adopted our kitten and named her Periwinkle. She loved to play and have fun with the other, grown, cats, but she had such a serious expression all the time! We used to say, "Serious kitten is a serious kitten." Well, as it turns out now that Peri has grown up a bit, "Serious kitten is a serious adult!" But she's sooo soft and sleek, with her extra-large frame and tail to match. Her outer shell is velvety gray, but her inner shell is quite white.
8) Throughout his life, Elvis had trouble sleeping. As a preteen, he was a sleepwalker. As an adult, he battled insomnia. Is sleep an issue for you?
It absolutely is. Has always been.
9) Random question: Do you wear your shoes inside your house?
Nope! We have a chest by the front door called the "shoe box," which somehow never actually gets used these days, but no one comes further inside the house than that with their shoes on.
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Hey, look at that! May be ten minutes 'til four (PM), but I finished! Let's have a party.
In the summer between finishing elementary school and going off to 6th grade at Ray Middle School, my dad and stepmother received a letter inviting me to participate in the Honors program.
I don't know where we were going at the time, but we were in the car when they told me about it. Linda was driving, Dad was in the passenger seat, and I was alone in the back. When I heard about it, I was thrilled! I really wanted to take part.
That excitement was short-lived, however, because I soon found my needs and desires up against their strident arguments that being in the Honors program was going to interfere with me being able to get all my chores done. There would be too much homework and studying, they reasoned. I'd fall behind.
On the damn CHORES.
I have always had a tremendously difficult time standing up for myself -- still do -- but I was tenacious and made a stand. I remember arguing and maybe a little begging and pleading - but no crying. That was a rarity for me! In the end, I had to make many promises and agreements in order to join the Honors classes.
Was it worth it? Absolutely, in my opinion. I thrived there, all the way up through and including my 5 AP classes before graduation. But as I suspected, it did come at a price.
I got screamed at every day of my life. That is not an exaggeration (nor was it new). Every single day. Many days it was multiple discrete sessions of her screaming, face twisted in sarcasm, while I tore up the tissues into which I cried. It was always just an issue of "what will it be this time?"
But sometimes, it was particularly cruel. And believe me, I always aimed not to do and be my best, but to do and be completely perfect, in an attempt to avoid the daily screaming session. But if there was absolutely no reason to yell, this didn't bother Linda: she would just make something up! Many days, she was tearing into me regarding some pure fabrication of her mind in front of other people who knew what she was saying to be a lie. They usually didn't stand up for me, though, and I didn't expect it, as this would make them the next target.
But when I started that Honors program at age 11, it was a lot of work. I put long hours into my homework, studying for tests, making projects, and writing papers. I was already up until midnight or 1AM at that point, and I had to get up for school at 5:20 AM every day. So between school and chores and homework and studying and more chores just in case and extracurriculars, I didn't get a ton of sleep.
Linda knew all this, of course, and she took advantage. A lot of times, she'd get up early when I did, to count the minutes I was in the shower (yes, I was timed; the screaming covered way more territory than just the chores, after all), or make me late for the bus, or just leave me a crying mess for when I did get on the bus.
Or she would get me up in the middle of the night, sometimes with my dad and once or twice with my sister until I became the sole hated one, to berate me for a job not well done. Like if I had cleaned their bedroom and bathroom, top to bottom including putting fresh sheets on the bed and getting all the dust bunnies out from underneath it, I might get screamed at for an hour at 3 AM because the heat registers around the baseboards were still too dusty. She especially loved to do this the night before a big test, and so I learned to develop more and more elaborate mnemonics to remember the material, even if I was too exhausted to think. When the predator evolves to be more cunning, so must the prey become more wily.
But my personal favorite was a punishment she used if she was feeling particularly villainous, I guess. It was no secret at that point that I loved school and was a total nerd. And she probably realized it was my escape from our pretty heinous home life (what I'm telling you here is only a very mild glimpse). So I guess she just wanted to mess that up for me? Why else would she frequently rip up the homework that I'd already completed for that night and sequester all my books and supplies, in my backpack, in her locked closet for two days, on average? Who punishes a kid by taking away their homework?
In the 6th grade Honors program, we had Mrs. Mogren for both English and Math. I remember so many occasions when I bent my head down to avoid Mrs. Mogren's sharp glare, because I had to tell to tell her -- for both classes that day! -- that I didn't do my homework. And I got another goose egg in the grade book. Honestly, I can't believe I didn't develop an ulcer then.
I'm telling you all this and writing this out not for sympathy but simply because it's pouring out of me right now, but it's after midnight, and everyone here is asleep. I needed a brain dump. Sometimes the mind gets overloaded with tricky thoughts.
My therapist in Boise and I were working on me being able to forgive myself for what happened back then, so that I could learn to love myself. My therapist wanted me to be the parent to the inner child me that I needed back then. I guess I'm finally getting started.
Hello, hello! Welcome to Crazytown. Since the last time I "saw" you, my husband, son, and our pets (kind of a zoo) have arrived in Ocean City. Househunting is still very much under way, but we've found a few favorites. Meanwhile, our realtor is still working on priming and prepping our house in Idaho for sale, which should go live this coming week. I. Cannot. Wait!
Let's get into Sat 9. Link up here if you're playing along today!
This week, we're inspired by The Divine Miss M's plea for a definitive answer. Here are nine random "yes or no" questions. Naturally you're welcome to elaborate, but if you want to zip through with a "Y" or an "N," that's fine, too.
1) Do you check your cellphone first thing in the morning?
Yes, I usually do. I always have a million notifications.
2) Are there dirty dishes in your sink right now?
There are five of us. Someone's always eating or just getting done eating. Like the laundry, the dishes are never fully done.
3) Have you laughed yet today?
Yep. I'm watching the appropriately-named Shameless on Netflix, and it causes me to erupt in all kinds of laughter and shock. Sometimes both at the same time.
4) Have you written a check in the last week?
No. That's so 20th century; I hardly ever write a check anymore.
5) If you met someone who shared all your strengths and weaknesses, would you like him/her?
I doubt it. I don't know anyone with the amount of neuroses I have, and I'm glad... And that's just for starters!
6) Is a bride ever too old to have a big wedding?
No? Yes? How should I know? Hubs and I happily eloped, and while it's sometimes fun to daydream about a big wedding I might have had, then I add up the bills of that wedding and am seriously glad we chose elopement all over again.
7) Do you put potato chips in your sandwich to make it crunchy?
Yes, but while I have been known to do so, I can't remember the last time I ate an actual sandwich.
8) Have you ever taken a nude photo of someone (not a baby)?
Now we're talking 21st century. Yes, of course I have. Ha!
9) On Monday, will you be playing Bud and Mimi's cool new meme,Monday Madness? (Our last shameless plug, I promise.)
I cannot commit to that. I might? I will try if I remember, but remembering is a weak point for me these days.
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Well that was fun, y'all! Thanks, Crazy Sam. ♥ Back to Shameless for me, while I contemplate Team O's next move. Over and out!
Fin.
12 September 2020
Hey there, guys and dolls. I'm still shacking up with my lady children (wait, that sounds wrong) in a fine hotel in Ocean City, Maryland, while our guys are still back in Idaho finishing up the packing and the minor repairs.
We have been suddenly hit with all the feels missing our menfolk and furfolk this week. Maybe it's because Chloë's 19th birthday was on Monday and my birthday was on Tuesday, but we really just needed those guys this week something awful. Rob is hoping to get on the road very soon and let the realtor handle things from there. Fingers are tightly crossed!
I have mad love for Whitney Houston, so I'm glad to see that she's the start of S9 this week. Link up here to join in the fray!
1) Whitney sings that she keeps her lover's photo beside her bed. What's on your bedside table?
Well, it's kind of a mess right now, since Chloë and I are sharing the hotel night table. We've got the hotel phone, my ubiquitous Diet Coke can and a toothpick (I'm never without), some Tree Hut Sugarlips lip scrub, both my Versace prescription glasses and my toric contact lenses for some reason, my noise-cancelling headphones, our UV sanitation bag/box/thingy, facial cleansing wipes, travel-size deodorant, cocoa butter lotion from Alba Botanica... you get the picture, right?
2) She's getting frustrated, waiting for the phone to ring. If your phone were to ring right now, who would you expect to be on the other end?
At this stage of my life, it would probably be either a doctor's nurse or a doctor's billing department.
3) The video was filmed at Stabler Arena in Bethlehem, PA. It seats 6,200. As the nation reopens from Covid-19, would you feel comfortable sitting knee-to-knee with a stranger in an arena like this?
Not a snowball's chance in hell!
4) This week's featured artist, Whitney Houston, appeared on the daytime drama As The World Turns. She played herself, performing with Jermaine Jackson at the Miss Cinderella contest in the fictional town of Oakdale. Have you ever been hooked on a soap opera?
Yeah, back in my youth my older sisters watched plenty of soaps, so if I wanted to watch TV, that's what I watched, too. And when no one else was home, I was "required" to watch and then update them when they got home.
5) Whitney had a sweet tooth, and her favorite breakfast cereal was Fruity Pebbles. Do you often eat cereal for lunch or dinner?
I very rarely eat cereal at all anymore, even though I love it. My GI tract rejects it entirely. My favorite cereal is Frosted Mini Wheats, and I miss them!
6) At Whitney's wedding to Bobby Brown, her bridesmaids all wore lavender dresses and the groomsmen had custom made alligator shoes. Have you ever "stood up" for a friend or relative? If so, do you remember what you wore?
I wore a little pastel pink dress when my dad married my stepmother. I forget what I wore when my sister got married. (Sorry, Sis!!) and I wore a silver gown for my best friend Lisa's wedding. I remember the bosom area had to be let out, because I was breastfeeding 9-month-old Chloë at the time.
7) In 1987, the year this song was popular, Cher won the Oscar for Moonstruck. Her most famous line was, "Snap out of it!" When you think of Cher, do you first think of her movies, her TV show, or her music?
When I think of Cher, my first thoughts go immediately to her music in the 80s and 90s - and the costumes that went with it!
8) Michael Douglas won the Oscar that year for Wall Street. His most famous line was, "Greed is good." His character goes on to say that, "Greed in all its forms -- greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge -- has marked the upward surge of all mankind." Do you agree?
No, absolutely not.
9) Random question: When you woke up this morning, were you ready to get out of bed? Or do you wish you could have snoozed for a bit longer?
No, I was glad to finally wake up today. Chloë had been trying to wake me up for a while, and I was stuck in night terror the entire time. Guess I gotta up the PTSD meds tonight to keep that from happening again. #OverIt!
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It's weird, because I haven't even been awake all that long, and yet I'm already exhausted. Really had wanted to go to the beach today! We'll see. Take care, folks.
If you were anything like us on Saturday, you were transfixed by the NASA astronauts' launch into space by the SpaceX rocket, Dragon. I swear I held my breath for a very long time (by an asthmatic's standard's, I suppose), thinking of the Challenger and the Columbia. I've always wanted to go to space. What an exciting day!
Link up here if you want to join up with the rest of us thieves this weekend!
1) What do you think is the greatest television show of all time?
Oh, I couldn't say that. People like what they like. I myself like something one day in one mood and an entirely different thing the next day, maybe. But I tend to lean toward more subtle, cerebral humor. I've long called Larry David from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" my 'boyfriend,' if that's any indicator!
2) Would you rather win a Nobel Prize or an Academy Award?
Oh, I would absolutely love to win a Nobel. I use to imagine that I would win one in science by age 30. I was foolish, haha! But I guess it's not too late. Maybe I could win for Literature, and join the ranks of Pearl Buck, Ernest Hemingway, and Bob Dylan, to name a few.
3) What one food would you banish from this earth if you could?
I mean, there's haggis, there's foie gras, balut... you name it! If you want to look at more disgusting foods, have a look here or here.
4) What’s the scariest story you’ve ever heard?
This one!
5) Who is the most famous person you have ever met?
Well, I typically say Dave Barry, but this time I'm going to say my daughter Chloë. She's seen here in the short SAG film, Boom, and has acted on TV, modeled in national ads, and so on.
6) What’s something you’ve done that most people wouldn’t know or guess about you?
When I was nine, I started dance lessons in central New York. After my first year, I was invited to attend Dance Olympus in New York City for training from some famous, international choreographers. Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul were supposed to be there that summer, but both had family matters keeping them from going. But I did get some great training from Jimmy Locust, who was my favorite choreographer there. Lots of fun!
7) You’re strapped in a rocket ship about to go to the moon. Are you thrilled? Or terrified?
Oh, I'd be thrilled. I wouldn't need to accomplish anything else. That's the ultimate.
8) What is the correct way for toilet paper to sit on the roll?
Hubs and I both agree it's the way on the left, above. I think we're in a very small minority of couples who agree on that!
9) Talk about a mistake you made, or something you regret.
Um, well, I guess I don't know that I truly believe a "mistake" is a mistake unless you learn nothing from it. But after I got my bachelor's degree, I was recruited by a researcher at RSMAS to do a Master's degree on copepods, but after a few weeks in her lab I rejected the idea because I'd always planned to skip the Master's and go right for the doctoral, and I wasn't ready to give up that goal. And then, I wanted to do my internship at Mote in shark fisheries, but they were pushing hard for me to do the internship in chemistry. I have a strong chemistry background (that was my minor), but I just couldn't see myself being a chemist for life. I held out, and I got a fisheries internship. Sometimes my bullheaded, stubborn persistence has paid off, and sometimes my insane, rash, spontaneity has paid off. And sometimes they haven't. I've tried to learn which way to be in which situations.
10) What would be the best gift I could give you?
Inner Peace
11) What makes you feel better when you’re sad or stressed?
These guys. They're it. They're everything.
12) What is the most romantic movie you’ve ever seen?
Oh, there's so many. One of the first rom-coms that has really stayed with me all my life is Splash. I love those two!
13) What is the worst date you’ve ever been on?
Back in Miami (the first time, not the second time with my family), I went on a blind date in Coconut Grove with a guy who was really weird, really not my "type" appearance-wise, and then he told me he was a devil worshipper. No second date, obvi.
14) What is the glue that keeps couples together?
Communication is absolute key.
15) What was your first crush?
When I was really young, about five years old, I had the biggest crush on Matt Dillon. I think my parents were watching The Outsiders, and I saw him and was just in love. ♥ Ha! Then much later on, I saw him in an interview with Dave Letterman, and he sounded like such an idiot. Illusion shattered.
16) When did your parents talk to you about the birds and the bees?
They did not. Ever.
17) What is your greatest achievement?
Still being alive. Still being married. Having all my children truly love me as a mother. I've been knocked around, taken a lot of shit in my life, wanted to be dead many times, self-sabotaged a lot of things that were good for me... and yet I'm still here, things are still clicking, and it's hard.
18) Were you close to your parents growing up?
I was raised in a cult. "A cult for the cultured," they called it. So, no. No, I was not.
19) What was the most life-changing event you’ve ever experienced?
There have been a lot of, like, BIG things in my life that I could pick, and I wish that I could say something else... but it was when my son died. That was pivotal. And it was definitely what kicked the bipolar disorder into becoming clearly evident, I believe.
20) Have you ever had a falling out with a friend? What happened?
Oh, of course. I'm hot-headed, I have a fiery temper, and I do a lot of really stupid things without thinking first. This one time in 1994, when I was a freshman at Miami and when my BFF Lisa was a freshman at SUNY Geneseo, we were both getting into and getting used to email and the internet for the first time. Her school used LINUX, and mine used something else. I don't even remember what else... but they were completely different systems. We were trying to describe and explain to each other over email what our systems looked like, and I didn't understand hers - and all our other friends who had also stayed in New York and had LINUX-based email systems - at all. So they teased me and dared me to try to hack into her account and read her email, because I "couldn't do it." Only, she and I had some code words, and I got right in and figured things out. She and everyone were so pissed at me, but I was only fulfilling a dare! I still feel bad about it to this day. Silly way to end the post, right?
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It's 0522 on Sunday morning, the last day of May. I can't believe we're entering the 6th day of 2020 tomorrow. This has been the strangest year...! Can we maybe have a redo?
Enjoy your Sundays. I hope it's sunny and warm where you are!
Hey, everyone. Bit of a somber mood here in the Odette household, as my father-in-law passed away yesterday. I wasn't going to join in at all this weekend, but then I decided my mind could use a short respite.
I hope you'll all kink link(!) up here if you're joining us this weekend.
1) In this song, Lady Gaga sings about the Arizona sky and California gold. Have you visited many of our western states?
Yes, well. We live in Idaho now, so there's that. I've been in and out of Utah, California, Oregon, and Washington several times. This is Chloë hailing a cab in downtown Hollywood, in the middle of an acting convention we were out there for her. I have been to Vegas. But I have not yet been to Arizona or New Mexico.
2) She sings that she's overwhelmed and can't find the words to express herself. Do you find it easier to share your feelings verbally or in writing?
Oh, definitely in writing. I am very like the Oxford professor William Archibald Spooner, constantly, absent-mindedly, and unintentionally mixing up the consonant sounds in a phrase or sentence to make rubbish. This is also like Shel Silverstein and other comic writers, although theirs were intentional.
3) Her real name is Stefani Germanotta. She took her stage name from the Queen song, Radio Gaga. Do you have a favorite Queen song?
Oh, I love Queen and enjoy, I think, their entire catalog, so it's very hard to pick! I do remember one of my BFFs, Shana and I were in her family's canoe on the Seneca River, and we were just kind of drifting along and using the oars to do the three-beat riff of "We Will Rock You." That's always been a fun memory. Probably not for the fish.
4) Her dad is Joe Germanotta, president of GuestWifi, a company that enables hotels and restaurants to offer high-speed wifi to their customers. Do you consider yourself tech savvy?
I read something recently that said those of us in Generation X (that's me!) were probably the best-prepared to handle tech issues, as a general rule. That's because older generations often don't want any of it and refused to be bothered with it - now, mind you I'm saying some, not all, and just reporting on what I read. And the younger generations never had a time in their lives when there wasn't an internet, and everything has been easier and easier for them as time went along. Think "smartphones." But my generation, we grew up largely without computers and the internet, and so in order to function online, we had to rely on ourselves a lot - and yes, sometimes those maddening IT phone calls - to figure things out. I would say for myself and those I know personally, this is pretty accurate.
5) Early in her career, Lady Gaga performed songs for a children's audio book called The Portal in the Park. Tell us about the last book you finished -- did you listen to an audiobook, or read a download to an electronic device or a bound book with pages?
I've been listening, here and there, to the audiobook of Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult, but honestly it's slow-going for me. I never, never could stand to be read to in my entire life, and so over and over, I've tried and failed to get into the trendy audiobook thing. I think I'm just going to abort and read the bound book instead. I can't handle it.
[Speaking of books, I read Wally Lamb's book I Know This Much is True somewhere between doing my bachelor's and my doctoral degree. It's a humongous book, with over a thousand pages, but I dove in and loved every minute of it. I just saw in Us Weekly that there was to be a miniseries based on the book on HBO on Sunday - this past Sunday. It's last week's issue of Us. Aw, mannnn! I hope it's being replayed, so I can watch it. It would be a must-see for me.]
6) She prefers dogs to cats and tea to coffee. Do you agree with her?
Largely I do, I think yes. I mean, I'm an extreme animal lover, married to another animal lover, and we've raised a houseful of more animal lovers. I honestly do love them all - with ticks and mosquitoes possibly loved the least. And I do prefer tea to coffee, though I rarely drink either. Of animals, I'm a dog person first, but I'm hard-pressed to turn down any animal. The zoo we've had over the years... it's ridiculous.
7) Back in 2015, she appeared at the Academy Awards, performing a medley to celebrate the 50th anniversary of The Sound of Music. The movie's star, Julie Andrews, graciously came onstage to thank Gaga for her showstopping performance. Whom did you most recently thank?
I think maybe it was this girl, Sophia, now 15. She brought me my medicine earlier.
8) In 2018, when this song was first released, retailer Toys R Us closed all its stores and went out of business. What's the last toy you purchased?
I bought two packs of these cat-nip filled mice "Skitter Critters" from SmartyKat, for our four cats. They were on sale for less than half-price, and felines everywhere give them rave reviews. That counts, right?
9) Random question: How has social media made your life better?
Well, in multiple ways, I've benefitted from social. I was a young newlywed of 24 when I really started getting going on message boards. I started out on the one for now-defunct Jane magazine, formerly called Sassy when I was reading it in high school. Those were not my community, so I left after being told how to make my own hummus. Then I joined the Twins e-List when I was pregnant with our twins, after our older daughter was born. When we were living on Guam, I asked the TwinsList a million and one questions during my pregnancy. Once we moved to Virginia Beach, I kept them posted here and there. My last post was to say good-bye to the list after they were born and one twin passed away; staying and hearing all about what their twins were doing was far too painful. I stayed friends with one of the moms, though, and met her and her kids in Norfolk, Virginia. We're friends on Facebook to this day. I joined the message board for Parents magazine a year after the twins were born and stayed through trying to conceive our younger daughter, that pregnancy, and maybe half of her first year. Eventually I joined MySpace when it was new, before skipping over to Facebook. I'm all over now; such a social media whore darling.
So one thing I gained from all of that was the power to be more discerning about who my "real friends" were. Through the ups and downs of our roller coaster life, people have come and people have gone. The ones that have gone, sometimes that hurt. Sometimes. But I did become, I think, more resilient because of that and figuring out how to "act" online. It's hard for me, both online and in real life, since I have absolutely NO filter. And people don't always want or need to hear my every thought!
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Thanks Sam/Gal. I appreciated this week's questions immensely, and like I thought, they provided a stellar diversion.
Hi everyone! Welcome back. I'm seriously not feeling well right now, so it's anyone's guess whether I'll be able to finish this post. Worth giving it a shot!
Link up here if you want to play along this weekend.
January usually has ample amounts of snowfall in parts of the world. Did you ever make snow cream as a kid?
The only time I ever did was in my senior year of high school, when we made it one day in my AP Biology class (must have been right before Christmas break, or something). I've made it with my kids, too, while we were homeschooling.
January is one of the months with 31 days. What are you going to do with that extra day?
I've never really considered that an extra day. That day is payday, so I'll be looking at the budget and checking off boxes that day, I guess.
What is your favorite magazine?
Growing up, my grandmother had a stash of Reader's Digest back issues here, there, and everywhere. Eventually, I think I read them all during visits. I think I have the current issue on my night table right now. She also bought the Star, Enquirer, and I think a third tabloid every week, too, and People - all of which I also read when I was there. I still read People, but Martha Stewart Living is currently my favorite. I love her!
If you live to be 99 years old, what would you like your life to be like in that last decade??
With Lyme, I really don't think I'll live that long. But if I do, I'd like my mental faculties to be intact, and I would like to be free of this constant, agonizing pain.
The great world of Wikipedia tells me that scientists claim 99% of all documented species are extinct. Which remaining species in the 1% category would you really like to see extinct? And which species in the 99% category would you like to bring back?
I would love for ticks and mosquitos to be eradicated - but that would also be a bad thing (at least the skeeters). I would love to see a mammoth! (Also I had the The Far Side book this particular cartoon was in; and also, I had the weiner dog one. So funny!)
On January 14, 1986 motorists were required for the first time to wear seat belts? Do you always buckle up? Why or why not?
Man, I remember when that changed. My father pitched a fit - and he still doesn't wear them! I always wear them, and if I'm driving, the car doesn't go until everyone is buckled up. Why? Because I appreciate their purpose and also the data that backs up the fact that they save lives.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
I don't know - to get to the other side?
Have you said anything in the last 24 hours that you regret?
Not this time! Ask me tomorrow. Have you ever written anything on your blog that you wish you could take back?
No... There have been some interesting moments after a few things I've posted, but I wouldn't take any of it back. All of the past stuff has been mostly written and forgotten. When we lived in Miami and Chloë started reading it, she would exclaim over this or that that I wrote. It was fun reliving some things!
Are you the blabber or the blabbee? Tell us your most embarrassing blabbermouth moment.
Oh, I'm definitely a blabbermouth with NO filter. I've had a ton of "oops, I shouldn't have said that" moments. Probably a lot of them happened with my mother-in-law. I've always been certain that our baby, Sophia, who looks just like me and nothing like Rob - unlike Chloë, Jack, and presumably Robby (Jack's identical twin) - has been suspected of having a different father by my in-laws. I've always wanted them to request a DNA test, because I KNOW he is the father. No one else could be. Once, on the phone with my MIL, I joked, "Just do a DNA test! I have no fears! Besides, she's the wrong color if she did have a different dad!" ...crickets...
How important is a cell phone in your life?
Once upon a time, there were no cell phones... Yeah, I depend on it pretty hard. Right now my phone isn't holding a charge, and I can't get it above 8% or so. It's frustrating because most of what I do is on that phone! I've got to trade up PDQ, I guess.
A "cuisine" is typically influenced by and named after geographical regions and cultures. Pretend your blog is a country. What is the name of your cuisine?
Crazy Fusion cuisine
You are the Blog Paparazzi! Which blogger's real photograph are you most interested in getting?
Hmm. Well, all of you, since we've been doing this thing together for so many years, but I think I've been following the blog 5 Minutes for Mom the absolute longest. I'm "friends" with Janice and Susan on Facebook, and Janice and I have chatted a few times. Maybe when we sail out of Vancouver, B.C. for our Alaskan cruise in September, she'll meet me at the airport for a selfie?!
Are you always on time or just a tad late?
I'm usually early. Before I got married I was always very prompt. I still abhor being late. In the Navy (and I presume with every other branch of the military), being 15 minutes early is "on time," and being on time is considered late. So with that in mind, and having four kids in 3½ years, we learned to s.c.r.a.m.b.l.e. for appointments!!
Can you think of a time when you were late for something and it was REALLY a big deal?
Well, yeah. Lots of times. For choir, we obviously had to be at the school - or wherever our performance was - dressed and ready to go well before showtime. My stepmother made it a point to screw with me, trying to destroy everything in my life that was important to me. She screamed at me every single day for something - even things she had to invent if there was nothing she could see. On concert days, she screamed about three times as long, to make sure I not only walked in extremely late, but I'd be a mess from crying, and everyone was staring at me. And I hated attention.
If you were on your way to work and had five minutes to get there, would you stop in the road to rescue a crossing turtle?
Sure, and I have done this many times - especially in Tampa when I was on my way to one of my grad classes or teaching the lab.
When you are having a really good day, what usually makes it good?
Hmm. Usually it's a productive day, with many things crossed off my to-do list. (By the way, here's the rest of that list, above; it's worth a read.) Maybe I got a nice compliment that carried me through the day. Or maybe a good package came in the mail. But productivity is pretty key!
What is the most annoying Christmas song?
Growing up, my dad always got a big kick out of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." Now I hate it.
You are Snow White. Which dwarf is your favorite and why?
I hate to be cliché, but I think Dopey. He's sweet, and he tries really hard!
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Well, y'all, speaking of productivity, I have a few things I'd like to do before my brain shuts down and tells me it's time for the first nap of the day.
God! You know, at my age, I still feel like such a child, a complete idiot, for not being able to just "get over" things that hurt me to my core, even if it's been years and years since the thing happened.
Everyone, especially those from the Boomer generation (is it offensive to you if it's true?), scoffs and says that to me about everything that still hurts me. These are the people - the scoffers, not all Boomers - who know nothing about child development, of course. Deep wounds that are cut early sometimes never heal.
But, like lovely Jewel, I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way.
Last night, I was doing some research for a so-far-secret new project and was peeping at an Instagram account I didn't even know I was following. (By the way, I mean no harm or negativity to or about the people involved, whom I will mention momentarily, but as it's the current vogue trend to say, I was absolutely "triggered."
So, like I said, I wasn't aware I was even following this verified blue-checked (for whatever that's worth) @Tripp dude on the 'gram, and I know virtually nothing about him, but I probably got there by going down yet another rabbit hole. (Probably, my arse. I just figured it out, but never mind.) Irrelevant. I was doing that research and landed on this particular post about his second night up with his new son @TazTripp, who is darling, of course, so that Mr. Tripp could let his wife Sarah aka @sassyredlipstick (whom I now also follow out of temporary heightened curiosity to see whether I like or am not fond of their overall presence on the platform. I'm leaning toward the latter, but like I said, it isn't personal, just research) rest from giving birth.
Kudos to him for that. Hands-on daddies are the best. I know this because I watched Rob do it multiple times, and yes he was definitely the best.
[Can you follow all my punctuation plot-changes? Because I've always done that. I've also always had to re-read each thing 30 times to make sure it made sense, at least in that instant. My mind is so annoying.]
Okay, that's great! I'm all about babies; I've said endlessly over the years that I would have had a hundred more if I could have, and just spent all my days picking up one and loving on him or her, then putting that babe down and picking up the next one, and so on. Sarah's breastfeeding, and I'm 100% supportive of that, too. Full-on love affair with breastfeeding, nature's perfect mammal baby food. She's also curvy, confident, and they're both very body-positive, which is still incredible even as we head into 2020. So I mean, while I don't get their "desert fortune" vibe even a little bit, just from what I've seen after a somewhat brief perusing is genuine, sweet, true love. And I applaud them for that.
But this was n.o.t. really about the Tripp family at all.
In the post above, when I got to the line where Tripp writes, " just days ago she pushed this nearly 9 pound, broad-shouldered boss baby out of her body unmedicated and is still healing from that," I was suddenly hit with an emotional grenade. My lungs suddenly forgot how to breathe, and I don't think I was aware of anything my five senses were doing at the moment, either. I remember I got up out of my chair in the office here, brought something that needed to go downstairs out to the ledge in the hallway, and then I just didn't move.
Or couldn't move, I really don't know.
And then I became aware that I was about to start sobbing the cries of a woman who desperately wanted this thing, this one thing in her whole damn life, to go even remotely according to her plan... and it didn't resemble that plan at all. Not the first time. Not the second time. Not the third.
It was so long ago now - after all, Sophia is 14½ years old now! - that I didn't want anyone to hear me. I didn't want to have to explain that yes, I am yet again crying over something from the past.
Silly, stupid fucking me.
Except, I'm the only one in this house who feels that way. Why? Because I've let so many elders in my life get inside my head and tell me that that's how I'm supposed to feel. Ashamed of my pain, dumb for not being able to just grin and bear everything. Boy, for being part-English, I did not ever have that stiff upper lip.
So, I stood there and hurt without making a sound. I don't know for how long. Maybe it was 45 seconds, or maybe it was five minutes, but for me it didn't matter because once again, time had stopped. I felt the sobs coming from the core of my being, so deep inside there that the origin isn't even really substance or matter but rather an energy of pain and the most profound disappointment one can imagine. I could feel myself shaking, but it was still early enough in the evening and the rest of Team Odette were still up and about, so I kept it in.
Sometimes, my private pain is just that. Meant only for me to pick up and feel and then be able to put down for a while.
Except, irony is the master mother here, and as I should have expected if it wouldn't have made that oxymoronical, that isn't what happened.
Just as I was trying to gather myself, go back in the office, get my tissues to dry my face and blow my nose, and sit back down to do more research... I don't know. I must have lagged one split-second too long.
Just then, Rob came walking up the stairs at the precise moment Chloë came out of the bathroom right behind me.
I was not in my usual location, I wasn't in a usual position, and I knew the jig was up.
I kept absolutely still - except maybe those silently quaking sobs - while I tried to think real fast to come up with a lie. A quick, harmless story about what I was doing, what might be wrong beside what actually was wrong, and then back out of the situation.
Pfft. Nah.
These people, these two, do know me best in the world, after all. One lived in me; the other put her there. Ha! Sorry. Even in sadness, my mind is half in the gutter...
They both asked, "Honey/Mom? What's wrong?" at the same moment, and all hope for an easy exit was out the door the way I wish I was.
I turned around and then the hopeless, helpless blubbering began. I rushed into the office to get my tissues.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know where to start! It's become quite the cliché to say, "I have all the feels" or whatever, but that's legitimately what I had right then. ALL the feels, none of the words. (Shocking for me, I'm aware.)
Where do I start? When do I start? What do I say?
I sat there and poured my heart out for a good long while, unable to stop the competing flows of words and tears, as Rob and Chloë sat next to me on the floor and empathized with what I was seeing, reliving in my mind as I tried to explain why I was crying.
And maybe tomorrow, or... maybe in my book that I'm starting on November 1st for NaNoWriMo 2019, I'll try to explain it to you, too.
For now, though, the takeaway is: I'm keenly aware that while my heart has been broken into smithereens a thousand times over the span of four-plus decades, and I've experienced sorrows I may never share with another soul, I'm also beyond fortunate to have the love that I do in my life - Rob and the kids, and some other family, and my friends, and my tribe - here to put it back together again a thousand and one times.
Call me lucky, call me blessed, call me whatever you want, but I am, and I know it, and when that pain is eased by their love and caring, it can't possibly compare with the amount of gratitude I feel when it happens - and long after.
If you could instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would you give?
I'd whisper into her ear, "Hey, little baby. If you could drop the nipple and let mama sleep once in a while, I promise you she'll be a much happier mama." (At least it was true for me!)
What is the most desirable trait another person can possess?
☼☼☼ kindness ☼☼☼
What are you most grateful for?
When our son Robby died, suddenly and unexpectedly, in 2003, I was lost. Like, my mind was completely elsewhere. It was gone for three years. For those who haven't heard this story before, I liken it to this: When I was a small child, we spent summers at the Jersey Shore. My parents, in large part, were neglectful. If you've ever been to the Shore, you know those waves get humongous, and they will knock a toddler down in nothing flat. For many long seconds - a full minute, maybe - I would roll along the bottom of the seafloor, tumbling and tumbling along underwater, until the ocean finally saw fit to spit me out up on the shore. (No parent of mine ever came running.)
For those three years after Robby died, that's what I felt like. Just underwater, tumbling, not coming up for air. Somehow I managed to mother Chloë, who was 18 months when the twins were born; and Jack, who was Robby's identical twin (this was perhaps the hardest aspect); and Sophia, who we decided we needed to complete our family and fill the hole left by her older brother.
But it was on this day, pictured above, that woke me up. It was the exact day of Sophia's 1st birthday. She was playing and tumbling around with the four bigger kids where we were, but when it was time to do the cake, I dressed her in her very special birthday dress that I'd bought off of a friend of mine. And when I was done, I stepped back and looked at her. And seeing her, I don't know what it was about that scene, woke me up. The ocean finally spat me out on shore. And I'm so thankful.
Is stealing to feed a starving child wrong?
Is not feeding the starving child wrong?
What do you want most?
I want to live to see the future for my kids, maybe their kids, the world... perhaps not suffering in agony every second of it.
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
I'm usually equally worried about both things, with some variety in there for things of greater or lesser import.
What has life taught you recently?
Life has taught me to DO SOMETHING about those things that have mattered to me - and about which I've been vocal but less active - my entire life. Age and health issues have taught me that I'm running out of time, so that time is NOW.
What is the one thing you would most like to change about the world?
So, humans have fucked up the world. Everything we did in the name of money, greed, and power, has fucked the world. Everything we've tried to do to unfuck the previously-fucked things has fucked the world. Now we're on a desperate timeline. What would I do? I would drastically slow down that timeline so that the right people can do the right things to try to help fix it.
Where do you find inspiration?
Right now it's her, and youth like her the world around. Including my own. ♥
Can you describe your life in a six word sentence?
I had to come, but stayed.
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
I think a lot of that comes from the fear of criticism, whether from within or without.
What impact do you want to leave on the world?
I used to want to be known - like, Nobel Prize-known - for some great scientific discovery. Now, if I'm remembered at all, I'd like to be remembered for giving a big enough damn to make as big a difference for the future as I could, sick, in constant pain, and in a wheelchair and all.
What is the most defining moment of your life thus far?
Oh, that's always an easy one. Running tail-over-teakettle to get to the courthouse in time to elope with a guy I'd known for two months, laughing the whole way... that's the moment. That takes the proverbial cake.
In the haste of your daily life, what are you not seeing?
Bruh. I have late-stage Chronic Lyme Disease - amongst other debilities. There is no "haste of my life" anymore.
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I suspect the former question has to do with the snowball effect. Take the road less traveled.
Well, of course I can't answer for everybody, but for me, not doing so many things I love to do (read: travel) comes down to not having enough money to do it.
What lifts your spirits when life gets you down?
Family, obviously. Beauty in nature. And music. Right now I'm blasting Ozzy's "Crazy Train." Bet you didn't expect that from me...
Have you ever regretted something you did not say or do?
Of course. But right now, I don't have the energy to dwell on them.
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes. My child, my son, one of my identical twins, died after three days. Every time I hear the word "twin" - even if it's about beds!! - or every time I see paperwork listing him as having been "stillborn" (he was not) or that Jack was the twin who died... and understand, I could go on and on... I go back under those waves for just a moment.
And it's a fucking wonder I didn't murder all the people who told me, "Everything happens for a reason." I swear to God.
Why do we think of others the most when they’re gone?
Well, of course, I can't speak for you, and I don't want to. My mother died at age 33 (I was 7). I'm a motherless daughter, and my mother never got to see her grandchildren. And I'm a bereaved mother. I have some very empty arms. Mostly, over the years since Robby died, I've wondered if he stayed an infant as an angel, or if he grew up like his twin brother Jack. And I wonder if my mother rocked her grandson when I couldn't. And if she helped him toddle in heaven. And if, when he was a young kid, she held his hands while the explored. Stuff like that...💔
What is your most beloved childhood memory?
I don't have very many good memories from my childhood. And I have very few memories of my mother at all. I cherish every detail I can remember about Mom, even this one. She was putting curlers in my hair for me to sleep on that night. I hated those curlers; sleeping was impossible. But did I look adorable in my First Grade picture the next day? Yes. Yes, I did. 😍
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Welp, you can probably guess this post took a lot out of me. There have been tears. But remembering is good. It means I can still do it. Sometimes I can't!
Thank you, Bev, for running this thievery. Love to you. ♥
I'm still coming down from the high off of organizing - and attending - the #ClimateStrike here in Mountain Home, Idaho. What a moment this is! Did you go? Did you strike? If not, WHY NOT?
And now back to our regular questions, brought by the lovely Crazy Sam:
1) This song is from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder. The movie was remade as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka. Which Wonka did you prefer?
I guess I'm old-school on this one. I love the inimitable Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka!
2) In the movie, this song is sung by Bill, the candy store shopkeeper. Think about the last counter person you dealt with. We know that he or she likely didn't break into song, but did you two engage in conversation?
Yeah. Well. Last night, Chloë and I attended the "Sweater Weather Get-Together" at The Twisted Ewe, a yarn shop up in Boise. I engaged with several of the shop staff, and especially introduced myself to the young woman who runs their social media stuff, because I engage with her frequently, and I'd never met her in person. I also signed up to be a test knitter.
3) The lyrics tell us that The Candy Man can make the world taste good. What's the last thing you ate? Was it delicious, or just OK?
I ate oatmeal with raisins. As you can probably guess, it was just okay. This morning I had oatmeal with flax and chia seeds. That was actually better - even though it was cold by the time I ate it. 4) The most popular recording of this song was by Sammy Davis, Jr. Sammy was in a horrific car accident when he was 29 years old. His cheek and nose were broken and he lost an eye. That he survived at all left him reflective and after his hospitalization, he converted to Judaism. Do you still worship in the faith you were raised in?
No. Not only no, but hell no. No, no, no, no, no.
5) Sammy was proud of the honorary college degrees he received because he never formally attended school. As a child, he performed on the road with his father and uncle. In addition to depriving him of an education, that lifestyle kept him from kids his own age. He would later describe his childhood as, "in a word, 'lonely.'" Give us a one-word description of your childhood.
T R A U M A T I C 6) Because he spent so much of his youth on the road, living on buses, trains and hotel rooms, he loved eventually having his own kitchen and being able to cook his own meals. This weekend, will you spend much time in the kitchen?
Probably not. Chloë and I are going to be in Boise all day tomorrow at the ACLU's Activist Academy, and then on Sunday we'll be watching Sophia at an equestrian competition. So maybe we'll have time to cash in on some more birthday freebies (like these delicious chocolate-covered strawberries from The Melting Pot) while we're out and about!
7) Sammy enjoyed experimenting with clothes and jewelry. What about you? Do you consider yourself conservative in dress or are you fashion forward?
Eh. Neither, maybe? I'm just me.
8) When he died, Sammy was in debt to the IRS. Do you handle your own taxes, or do you use the services of an accountant?
I do 'em. Not worth much since Rob retired, though! 9) Random question: If you had to tell nothing but the truth (not even the tiniest white lie) for 24 hours, do you think you'd get yourself in trouble?
Very much so, yes. Who wouldn't?
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Arrright. I gotta prepare for the next thing. And then the next. Gotta remind myself of what my physical therapist, Susan, tells me: "Pacing, Melanie. Remember to pace yourself."
I'm not good at it, y'all!!!
♥ Take time for yourselves, and thank your hostess, Gal - er, Sam - she works hard for us. (I'm still sorry.) (P.S. I did know the song, of course, but I clicked the link and listened again, and then more of Sammy, and then on to some other stuff. Really light-hearted comedy and Adam Sandler and things I just truly, honestly needed right at this moment in time.) ♥
Hello, hello! I don't have a lot of pre-meme prattling for you today, so link up here if you're playing along this weekend, and then let's jump right into it!
And BTW, Happy Birthday to Lori, whose birthday is the 9th!
Happy birthday, Lori!!
What is the most fun thing you have ever done?
I don't think there's been a more fun moment in my whole life than when Rob and I eloped. That moment, running hand in hand together to the courthouse, laughing, hearts pounding... it was absolutely exhilarating!
Are you left-handed or right-handed?
Yes.
What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
Oh, various things. The specifics don't matter, such as the concept: each of us has, within us, the power and wherewithal to do good, to make this world a better place. Every day, every moment, every interaction is a choice to make that good happen, or not. And then those on the other end will hopefully go forth and do the same.
What is the biggest animal you’ve seen in the wild?
Probably a bear, in the woods, driving through West Virginia on our way from Missouri to Virginia
What is the smallest animal you’ve seen in the wild?
I mean, mosquitos are pretty tiny animals, right? I'll tell you one I wish I'd seen: The deer tick, Ixodes scapularis, that infected me with Lyme Disease. I believe that happened in the summer of 2014 in central New York. I didn't get diagnosed until January 2017. That was plenty of time to do substantial and permanent damage.
Do you ever have funny dreams at night?
Yeah. I dream very vivid, realistic dreams that always confuse the shit out of me when I wake up, too. It always takes me forever to suss out what really happen and what was just a dream.
If you could make a law for your country, what would it be?
Easy: I would ban single-use plastic. But that would just be the beginning.
What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
If I were invisble for a day, I'd go around and cover up and bring warmth to the people who are homeless. I'd steal food if I had to, to feed the hungry. I'd find a way for the light to shine on those who are struggling to feel beautiful and loved. I'd use my day to find a way to let others know that even though their day-to-day lives are a constant struggle, they are not forgotten, and they matter.
If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?
I'd be Oprah and feel FABULOUS!
What would you like to change about yourself?
I'd go deep inside and tinker with my soul, until whatever is inside me telling me I'm not worthy of love, of joy, of contentment, and that I deserve pain... is gone. I would change that.
What is your daily routine?
I don't have one at the moment. It's kind of depressing!
What would your perfect day be like?
This may sound inane, but I would accomplish everything on my to-do list, precisely the way I'd hoped. I'd get in some yoga and do some poses that I've been working toward. Whatever I'd do, I'd want to impress myself. I haven't impressed myself in a long time.
How old were you when you learned to read?
I learned to read when I was three. I started reading out loud off the back of the cereal box during breakfast one morning, and that's when they realized I could read. Everyone took credit for it, but no one gave it to me. Story of my life.
What is the most interesting thing you know?
Oh, gosh, I don't know. I know when a toddler has been eating and offers you a bite, it's not always of their food...
What makes you nervous?
Uncertainty. And life's full of it! I'm an anxious person. But I don't shy away from it. I jump in with my eyes open quite a lot.
What is your favourite flower?
Bright, surprising bouquets of irises, lilies, and tulips are my favorites. I love the bulb flowers, the monocotyledons. Look at this "Dragonfly" bouquet from the Bouqs! 😍😍
Have you ever ridden on a horse or any other animal?
Well, not like Sophia (my 14yo daughter, here)! But I've ridden on a horse, an elephant, and a camel. And a dog. And a human. 😂😂😂
What time do you go to bed?
I don't even know. Goes along with that 'routine' thing we previously discussed.
What time do you get up?
Whenever I can. As soon as I can. For as long as I can. #spoonielife
What is something that is always in your refrigerator?
A package of tofu. I actually love tofu, really and truly. In fact, tomorrow for my birthday, I think I'm going to forgo any kind of cake and have tofu instead. Not even kidding.
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Great. Now I want tofu, and I don't think we actually have any right this second! I don't even know what we do have. I haven't been grocery shopping yet this month... #FeedMeSeymour
Thanks for all the well wishes about my eardrum rupturing Friday. It definitely wasn't fun, but I've had problems with that ear since we came up from 0' above sea level in Miami to ~2500' above sea level in Boise over two years ago. That ear just did not want to make the trip! The constant Val Salvo maneuver is my life now. When I do it now, the air screams out of that hole in my eardrum so loudly that Rob and the kids can hear, too. It's weird.
Anyway!
Link up here if you want to play along with the rest of us this weekend.
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Swap-Bot asked people to post questions they would like to answer. Bev copied them all and put together this brief selection.
What do you enjoy about summer?
I like the carefree, mostly-unscheduled nature of it, the freedom, the warmth, everything. It seems like the most "come as you are" season of the year.
Do you like snow? Why?
I haaaaate snow. I grew up in Syracuse, New York, the lake-effect snow capitol of the world. I've done my time! If that isn't 'nuff said, then also, it means I'll be c-c-c-cold, and being cold causes me intense pain nowadays. Then there's the blackish-brown crap that gets all over everything after the street cleaners come through the place. That's three reasons, but I could go on.
What do you think about dogs?
I am a dog lover, through and through. (But then, I love all animals!) Have you ever gotten lost?
Oh, I'm the genius who perpetually gets lost outside her own driveway - especially if she tries to "wing it" and turns off Google Maps to get there. I have no sense of direction!!
What are your favorite type of socks?
This is gonna sound like I'm joking, but I promise you I'm not: Most of my socks are hospital socks. I have texture issues, and the socks from the hospital don't bug those at all. In fact, my friend Gwyn sent me a boatload of her husband's old hospital socks upon hearing this, and I love her for it! I always keep my hospital socks when I've been there.
What is your favorite style of shoes?
Crocs.
I used to wear these Crocs Cypress heels a lot, but I can't wear heels anymore now that falling is a constant risk for me.
Now I wear almost exclusively Crocs, but it's more like these Patricia sandals, which I have in several colors. I had to give my Navy ones (above) to Sophia, though, because they stretch out over time and were no longer snug enough on my size 5½ feet.
What would you name your boat if you had one?
It would be the Sweet Pea. Didn't even have to think about that one.
What common misconception do you hate to hear repeated as fact?
I worked on the concept of "novice theory" for my graduate thesis, especially as it pertains to the Theory of Evolution. Note the caps on the latter presentation of the word, versus the former. And that's the crux of it: Most people don't understand the concept of Scientific Theory vs. the theories we bandy about day-to-day, in our normal, non-scientific lives, and suppose are correct. That of Evolution is well-founded in example after example, able to be observed by the human eye in a short time period, and is well-replicated inside and outside the lab. This is true whether it agrees with our own ideas of what religion should dictate or not. Sorry if you don't like it, Joe Schmo, but that's just the way it is.
What was the last shop you went into and what did you buy?
I've been a couponer since birth. My mother taught me. After she died, my sister Stacey would cut all the coupons, and I would sort them into their respective categories. I continued doing that as I went to college, and on into adulthood. Now, things have gone high-tech, and I could teach Mom a thing or two! Chloë is a girl after my own heart: she loves to save a buck and cringes when she sees someone needlessly paying full price. I love to give away our haul to battered women's shelters, the families at the Ronald McDonald House, etc. So we thought we'd take $150 and see what we could get from Walgreens, Rite Aid, and CVS. I'm not sure which one was the last one we went into, but we ended up with well over $1,000 worth of merchandise.
What's your favourite thing to do to pass the time?
Back in the day, I easily could've said "read." Now, I don't know... waste time online? When I was pregnant with Chloë, my aim was to spend the time, having hyperemesis gravidarum, catching up on the classics. Except, I stumbled across Sidney Sheldon works in the library and read all of those books instead. Quite a different thing! Since motherhood, I haven't exactly given myself permission to sit and read. I really need to re-learn how to allow myself that.
What is a way to die that scares you the most?
I would not like to suffocate or drown. The thought terrifies me.
Travel or homebody?
Oh, I may be trapped in my body, but my body is not one to be trapped in Idaho. Plenty of World left for me to see!!
Have you ever gone to a Bingo hall?
I have not.
What is the longest plane trip you have taken?
Listen, you've never flown long-haul until you've moved from Panama City, Florida, to Guam whilst pregnant with twins, with a one-year-old child. And then flown back four months later... 🙄
Do you text more or call more? Why?
I much prefer to text over calling. I have severe phone anxiety. So do several other members of my family. It's a thing. If you don't have have it, lucky you, but please don't let that diminish your capacity to understand that others do. (I'm a "yes" to all, btw.)
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Well, on that cheerful note, I'll say buh-bye! LOL Tonight, after all, is the Matador dinner with Hubs, finally, after I felt like shit all day Saturday. Tequila!
Hi everyone, and welcome! Yay, a song and an artist I actually know! (Often I don't, but Sam's questions are always thought-provoking for me, which is why I love to join regardless. Thanks, Sam!) Link up here if you want to play along with the rest of us this week!
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Saturday 9: If I Could Turn Back Time (1989) Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) The official video for this song was filmed on board the battleship USS Missouri. When is the last time you were on a boat or ship?
Oh, gosh, it's been a while. Far too long for this sea-going girl; I'm turning into quite the landlubber! It would have to be February 2015, when I was on assignment at the Miami International Boat Show. Lots of nice boats there! We wouldn't mind owning one...
2) This song was written by Diane Warren. Ms. Warren has written love songs recorded by Celine Dion, Toni Braxton, LeAnn Rimes and more, yet she's never married and has really only had one serious romantic relationship. She acknowledges this makes her an unusual spokeswoman for the glory and pain of love. When you have a relationship problem, who do you go to for advice?
I'm going through a lot in my psyche right now, so generally I turn to my outstanding therapist.
3) In this song, Cher wishes she could turn back time and have a different conversation with a former lover, changing what she said to him. Here at Saturday 9, we're not so ambitious with our time travel. We're only going back to yesterday. Is there anything you'd do differently?
Not really. We were quintuply-booked yesterday and even with only one car and two drivers, we managed to get it all done! The one thing I'd change is that I'd insist more strongly that our two fish, Poppy and Sage, get their tanks clean. That will happen today, dadgummit.
4) In 1966, Cher and her then-husband Sonny sang at a private birthday party for Jacqueline Kennedy. At first, Cher didn't want to do it, thinking that performing to a small gathering would be awkward. But it turned out to be a wonderful opportunity for her. That night, she met Diana Vreeland, the editor of Vogue. Vreeland liked Cher's look so much she set up a photo shoot. Cher, who always loved experimenting with hair and makeup, enjoyed the shoot immensely. Tell us about a social gathering where you had an unexpectedly good time.
I was really nervous to go to my last high school reunion. Drinking more than I probably should have helped, but everyone was so nice, and generally we treated each other as adults, not sophomorically. It was great!
5) At that same party, Cher said she was surprised by how big Jackie's hands were. Do you like your hands?
Sure, they're all right. (I'm modeling that navy blue druzy ring from Rocksbox in that recent photo.) I have the smallest hands in my house! And I tie 17-year-old Chloë for the smallest feet in the house. I wish I could say that about the rest of me! But alas...
6) One night, before a performance in Detroit, Cher saw a little furry something under one of her tour buses. It was a kitten that that she named Mr. Big, hoping he would grow into the name. He did, and the tomcat was her constant companion for four years until he died of a congenital heart ailment. She has said that she will "never not miss him." Is there a furry companion who has a special place in your memories?
Oh gosh, yes, definitely. Countless furry babies have come in and out of my life, and I miss them all. This one is Tinkerbell, our mama kitty who got out of the house before her spay appointment and ended up needing my help as her kitty-doula (!!) to birth her kittens. We nicknamed them the Seven Dwarves. Tinkerbell was the best, sweetest cat, and I miss her every day. After Rob retired from the Navy and we moved to Miami, we both had trouble finding work, and then almost immediately had that brain tumor drama start. This took two years out of our lives and he's still not recovered; meanwhile, we lost our Virginia Beach house to foreclosure, and several cars were repossessed. It was a tough time in our lives, but the most heartbreaking was having to rehome Tinky-winks and a couple other kitties we had. We just had too many mouths to feed and not enough money to do it at that time, and it was an awful decision that I wish I could change every single day.
7) Cher recently appeared in Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. It's the second movie based on the music of ABBA. What's your favorite ABBA song?
It's cliché, but it's gotta be "Dancing Queen."
8) In 1989 - the year this song was popular - Mattel released a series of special "Scarlett O'Hara" Barbie dolls to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Gone with the Wind. Did you enjoy the classic movie? Have you read the book?
I did like the movie, but I have not read the book. Judging by my current reading happens, I probably never will.
9) Random question - Check your spam folder and tell us one of the subject lines.
Nothing too interesting, honestly. This is the best I can do: One subject line read, "Please, Melanie." A short scroll down, another subject line was, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I don't know what I did for them, but uh... you're welcome?
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Check me out, it's still only Friday morning at 0630, and I'm done with my Saturday 9 post. I'm nothing if not inconsistent!
This post is a very personal one for me. It may be long.
I've experienced a lot of pain, abuse, and trauma in my life. My beautiful mother died of untreated diabetes when I was a little girl of seven years; she was just 33 years old. Prior to that, until I was 20 years old, I was raised in and under the brainwashing influence of the cult known as Christian Science. (Which is neither ChristianNORScience, if you know anything about it as I do, and which cult status has been confirmed many times over since then.) There was nothing I could do to get out. I was trapped.
After my beloved mama died, I endured a decade of abuse of every possible kind - all of which has been denied by the perpetrators and also my fellow survivors- but I think the worst of all was the psychologicaltorture I was met with daily, 24/7/365/10, mostly under the careful, menacing eye of my stepmother. (I have long since dubbed her TBFH, or "The Bitch From Hell.") The secrets my brain holds from that decade and beyond - some of which are still hidden even to me, because of the brain's wonderful ability to blissfully shield oneself from the worst scars inflicted by one's tormentors. I was 17 when I finally fled that House Of Horrors and went to college, but like I said, it was another few years before I fully escaped.
That was over half my life ago. That damage has long since been done, but it was far, far too painful for me to touch in therapy. I'd done EMDR (Eye Movement Densensitization & Reprocessing) therapy when one of our identical twins died nearly 16 years ago, along with acupuncture, acupressure, and music therapy, but I had not done EMDR since graduating from that course of treatment.
"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly,
but rarely admit the changes it has gone through
to achieve that beauty."
Maya Angelou
I've had half a dozen therapists since then, but it was still much too soon for me to be able to handle what happened in that house in Baldwinsville, New York. (If it burned down tomorrow, I would not be sad.) Finally, at 42 years old, as of just yesterday, my wonderful counselor and certified EMDR practitioner began this treatment with me anew. It wasn't even what we were planning to discuss. I had admitted last week that I was terrified to get started and didn't know if I was truly ready yet.
We began "tapping" via EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on the idea that I am valuable, and worthy, and could love myself... because for all those years, it was taught, and shown, and demonstrated to me time and time again that those things were not true. And I have believed it ever since. I am kind, and compassionate, and caring, and empathetic to all the world... except my own self.
This suddenly opened the floodgates. I didn't even know it was coming, but suddenly the dam burst and I just started sobbing uncontrollably. My therapist, "T," was encouraging me to speak, and at least try to repeat after her about my own worthiness, but I could not get the words out. I could barely breathe. I am not able to believe that those things - that I am not only worthy of love but that I might be worthy of my own love! - can be true. Not yet.
We filled the hour much more quickly than I had expected, with me doing a lot of crying and T just encouraging me to tap via EFT and her own EMDR work on me, helping me to go to that 7yo little girl whose mother had just suddenly dropped dead, whose world was ripped out from under her and turned upside-down, who already couldn't believe at that time, by 8 years old, that life would ever be okay and, for fuck's sake, safe again. And she was helping me to go to the older me, the teenager inside, and comfort her as well. And show her the love that no one else had.
But. Neither 7-year-old nor 17-year-old me is ready to trust 42-year-old me, and believe that I am safe, and loving, and will be kind and trustworthy to her. We are not there yet. There is still a long way yet to go. But we will get there. We will.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued,
is always just beyond your grasp, but which,
if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Welcome back, homeslices! 🤣 I woke up sick as a DAWG today 😞😭🤧😷, so I'm not feeling the (self) love. I know just being "here" with all of y'all will cheer me up, though, so let's bring it! 😍🤩💗💖 Link up here if you'd like to play along with us this weekend, or want to check out all the other amazing thieves among us!
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What did you do last year that you had not done before?
Well, since two of my kiddos came out late last year as gay or bisexual, the three of us attended the Boise Pride Festival this past summer. It was SO fun, so loving, so joyous, and so inclusive. I loved every moment of it, and I am so proud of my girls for having the strength and courage to embrace their true selves. ♥
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Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions/goals for the year and will you make/set more for next year? What are they? What are your new ones?
I'm sure I set some, but I don't remember what they were! I'll probably set more for next year, but I haven't done so yet. I'll keep ya posted! 🙃
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Did anyone you know give birth? Or become pregnant? Or adopt?
My good friend Stephanie, who first was my kids' babysitter in Virginia Beach, when they were itty bitty, is pregnant with her fourth son!
And my high school pal, Lora, gave birth to her second son this year. Her kiddos are so cute! It's the year of boys! ♥ (I'm sure there are plenty more, but I'm forgetful.)
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Did anyone you know die? Or have a serious illness/injury?
Gosh, I can't think of anyone who died - I hope I'm not forgetting! Aside from myself, Hubs was diagnosed with prostate cancer earlier this year and had surgery to remove the prostate. The recovery was heinous for him, and he had another surgery after that to repair the perforated bladder and fix the internal bleeding happening after the first surgery and on and on... it was just terrible for him. 😢
Also, someone on his side of the family is in a serious breast cancer battle right now, and we are thinking of her all the time, wishing her well.
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What places have you visited?
Well, the hospital for one - a LOT! heh heh
We visited the Boise Ronald McDonald House on multiple occasions to make donations and take tours. This is a cause that's near and dear to our hearts (Dammit, Gal, I left it off your annual charity round-up post! DUHHHHHHHH!!) because we stayed in one while Chloë was in the NICU in Pensacola for 10 days. It's an amazing place. Visit one and I guarantee your heart will melt.
We drove out to Wasatch Sport Horses in Eagle, Idaho, many, many times for Sophia's riding lessons. Our new second home!
We went to many lessons at Chloë's fencing club, until she decided not to continue at the end of the season.
Listen, y'all, I could go on and on. And on!
Any new pets? Lost a pet?
Yes; critters we've lost this year:
We lost Rob's gentle giant, Henry, to a suspected sudden asthma attack. It was very sad.
We lost both of Chloë's beloved guinea pigs, Alexander Sirius and James Theodore, on the same day to unknown causes. She feels devastated and blames herself. 😢
Jack's old gerbil, Lucy, who lived a good, long, loved life with him, passed away peacefully. She is missed.
And finally, we lost all but one of our 2017 chickens, our White Silkie Athena, to a predator massacre. I was so crushed!
Critters we've gained this year:
We got 21 new rare-breed chicks in September. There's Athena keeping watch over the new babies. Two of them have since died, so we're at a 2018 flock of 20 chickens, currently.
Jack adopted this bunny-buns, Fudge, for his 4-H project this year. He's ridiculously soft!
And very shortly after that, Jack - an extremely conscientious pet owner - adopted Rocky so that Fudge could have a playmate. The two are still in separate cages, though, awaiting their neutering so they don't fight. Rocky's such a love! ♥
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What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year (doesn't have to be a physical thing i.e. love, job security, peace of mind...)?
Well, aside from improved health, obviously, I would love to buy and move into a house of our own once again - like this one!. I yearn for it!
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What date from last year will remain etched in your memory and why?
April 16th, 2018 - that's the date of Hubs' prostatectomy that sucked big ass. He's still recovering.
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What was your biggest achievement last year?
I try to keep it lighter in my SS posts, but that's not always possible for me. So to answer this question: I realized and acknowledged that I was raised in a cult. I was an unwilling member for almost 21 years. And I went back to therapy, where I am finally in "intensive care" to undo the effects of the trauma, abuse, and brainwashing I've endured.
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Did you get sick or injured?
Well, yeah! I have a lot of new diagnoses from this year. Mast Cell Activation Disorder, ME/CFS, and (possible, waiting to be genetically tested) Ehlers Danlos Syndrome among them... and since I'm now stumbly-bumbly all the time, lots of injuries from falling. I rely on my walker or wheelchair most of the time when I'm out of the house now.
What was the best thing you bought?
Well, I don't know! Lots of things, I guess, and I'm sure I'll get this wrong. I won, this week, a photography contest, wherein I was stacked up against several professional photogs, and for the prize I could get a $50 gift card to anywhere. I opted for P.F. Chang's, which we never get. I don't know why. But I snuck a slice of cheesecake in there, and WOW! That shizz was the bomb! And this is coming from a New Yawka who knows her cheesecake. Two thumbs up!
Oh! And I signed up for Grove Collaborative to get all kinds of good-for-us and good-for-the-earth stuff, and I'm really happy with our membership thus far. Their customer service is outstanding, and the products and prices are great! I'm a huge fan. If you want to sign up here, you'll even get a free 5-piece gift set. I loved mine!
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Where did most of your disposable income go (money leftover after you pay for food, medical care, basic clothing, transportation and shelter)?
You say that as though there is any disposable income! 😂😂😂 Have you never tried to raise three hungry teenagers, 20 chickens, two dogs, three cats, and two bunny rabbits - not to mention the four score and seven prescription medications I take daily - on an enlisted veteran sailor's pension? BWAHAHAHA! But if so, we tend to spoil the pets. Especially the doggos. I mean, I love to get the chickens toys and chubby mealworms and stuff, watch the cats go insane on new catnip toys, etc., but the dogs! Nothing makes me happier than watching two butt-wiggling pooches get their BarkBoxes in the mail!! And oh, they know that that box is theirs, long before it gets opened. They just know. (I highly recommend it!)
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What song will always remind you of last year?
"Girls Like You" by Maroon 5, featuring Cardi B (Gal, can we please, please, pleeeeeaaase do this song on Sat9 sometime?) is a song my 13yo daughter Sophia and I have played on the radio, YouTube, or whatever umpteen million times over and over. We sing along to every word and then, when Cardi B's part comes on, we blast it even louder and rap along to every word. I don't care how white we are, we rock that $h!t!
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What do you wish you would have done more of?
My husband! 🤪😂😈
What do you wish you would have done less of?
Crying in pain (this photo is from Friday night, just hours ago, but represents many nights)
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What was your favorite new TV program? Movie? Album/Songs? Or if you didn't pick up any new ones, what are you still watching/listening to? Any recommendations?
Well, I've finally really gotten into Bob's Burgers this year, and it's a good thing I did, because that $h!t is fookin' hilarious! I like to pretend I'm just like Linda, which I am, and I do both Linda's and Bob's and sometimes Tina's voices. If you're not watching it yet, why not?! You oughtta be. I DVR every episode. We all love it. Yeah. So.
Also, I recommend Ellen De Generes' new stand-up special, Relatable, on Netflix. I love her talk show, so I finally queued it up and am watching it right now. She swears, y'all! That's relatable!
What was the best book you read this year? How many did you read?
I'm reading Recipes for Repair right now, which I just started but bought about two years ago, to see if it will help any of my autoimmune disorders. It's hard. I'm having allergic reactions - sometimes anaphylaxis - to every single thing I eat lately, so I've just gotta do something! Plus, my therapist recommended I read something along these lines. I don't think I've read any other books this year! Shocking!
What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? Did you feel differently?
Well, first of all, I turned 42, and Chloë made me these birthday cupcakes. She baked Hubs' chocolate bundt cake - his favorite - too, and was really excited about doing both. Only, I was looking at these photos recently, and I just don't remember these cupcakes. I mean, I know I was there and must have taken the pictures and blown them out, but I cannot recollect them for the life of me. This is very distressing. My short-term memory has been stolen from me since I became ill in 2015, and I hate it!
Also, Hubs gave me a pedicure, which he often did during my pregnancies when I couldn't reach and now often does again since my joints are so stiff and painful. Yeah, he's a keeper. (Also, pssst! Robert! I'm due for another one!)
Chloë's birthday (9/7) is the day before mine (9/8), so we usually celebrate together by running around collecting all the billions of birthday freebies out there. Here are some from this year:
[click to embiggerate]
I'd list them out for you, but as you can see, um, it's kind of a lot.
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What political or social issue stirred you the most?
I will always, first and foremost, be an environmental activist. Now, more than ever, it is crucial for denizens of Planet Earth to become acutely aware of what we as people are doing to harm the planet and what we as humans can do to remedy that.
Additionally, I am a Global Citizen, and I am dedicated to working for the causes of education for all; those that promote equality for women and girls; ending world hunger; and, bettering the health and sanitation practices around the world. I even get points for sharing the information I learn, and I've used those points to enter contests. This year alone, I've won two concerts: Amy Lee (of Evanescence) and Lindsey Sterling, which I'd entered for Chloë's sake - but I ended up winning the one in Phoenix, Arizona, and we could of course not make it there. The other concert was just recently, here in Boise: Metallica, which I sent Rob and our 15yo son Jack to. They had a blast!
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Who was the most interesting new person you met?
Hmm. I don't know; I've met a lot of interesting folks. I'll say my new orthopedist, Dr. Alex Homaecheverria. Not only is this doctor smoking hot (I'm married, but I mean, c'mon! I'm not dead!), but he's relatable. Great bedside manner. And he genuinely seems interested in truly helping me improve.
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What changed at your job?
Well. For one, Chloë, Sophie, and I started a specialty candle company called Every Wick Way on November 1st! I'm so excited about this! Most of our items are listed in our Etsy shop, but I'm still working on the website for Every Wick Way. Check it out! ;)
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What changed in your home?
Well, we got those 21 baby chickies from the hatchery, so they would need a place to live, right? After forever and a day (seriously; we're talking over a year), Hubs and another military vet friend got together and built it basically in a day. It's not perfect, but it's pretty great, and so far we've avoided another slaughter. Whew!
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Describe how a relationship changed.
Well, I'm like this ^^^ so it's completely surreal for me to read things like this. Anyway, I've been distancing myself emotionally from my father more than I ever have in my life. It's been hard. He's noticed, too, and wrote a note to me about it in our Christmas card. Such tomfuckery. I'll not have it!
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Do you think you are still the same person that you were at the beginning of the year? How so?
No. Of course not. At the end of every year I hope I have grown and learned so much during that year that I am a completely new and more enlightened person by the end.
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Summarize the year in three words or less. Bonus points for doing it in one word. Explain.
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How have people around you changed?
Well, I don't know about everyone's internal dialogue or whatnot, but I feel like this year, as I've become even more self-aware and adulty than ever, I feel that people are changing the way they respond to and interact with me. I feel it every day. It seems like some people actually like me, which I never really thought could be true. It's delightful.
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What have you learned throughout the year?
Well, I've definitely learned that I do, in fact, have limitations. And also that getting older sucks, and I do not care for being forty-freakin'-two!
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What was your favorite outfit for warm weather? Cooler weather?
Warm weather:
Something cool, comfortable, and hopefully, cute!
Cool Weather:
Anything remotely warm, comfortable, and hopefully cute! ;)
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Did you learn any new crafts or techniques? What was your favorite thing you made?
Oh yes, of course! For Every Wick Way, the girls and I jointly learned how to make soy and beeswax candles and melts, and we're taking very explicit notes so that we can duplicate everything that turns out great. And most things do, because we're just amazing like that. ;) I'm always learning something new in the craft world. Every year, I've got a new thing going. I embrace change. Love it. Adore it!
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What changed about your physical appearance? (Hair? Wrinkles? New makeup style? Etc)
Well... Before:
And now:
So let's see... Since the top picture was taken a couple of years ago, I've gained a little (read: not a little) weight, my eyes are getting greener as I get older, I've at least temporarily stopped coloring my hair auburn (which I've been doing since my freshman year of college!), I started growing out my bangs for the first time ever in my live (but just got sick of it and trimmed them back to 'normal' this week, heh), pierced my septum, and pierced my tragus. Dang, when I read it back, it sounds like kind of a lot, no?
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What are your hopes and dreams for the new year?
Well, I'd love to say I wanna buy a house (but I said that already) and that I want to lose weight (but when don't I?); however, instead, I hope to bring awareness about and then somewhat defeat the health struggles constantly plaguing me:
I have multiple Autoimmune Diseases, including: Raynaud's Syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Disorder, Chronic Spontaneous Urticaria, and Anticardiolipin/Antiphospolipid-Antibody Syndrome, for starters - but now I'm blessed with a medical expert in Asthma, Allergies, and Immunology who is doing the right tests and looking at the right things.
I struggle with Fibromyalgia, but now I'm blessed with a medical expert who brings me in and gives me Trigger Point Injections whenever I call up and say I need them.
I have Bipolar I with Psychosis, but now I am blessed with an expert psychiatrist who listens to me and knows what to tweak when I tell her what I am experiencing, as well as an incredible therapist who is helping me navigate the intense, childhood-long traumas that (I believe) led to the bipolar, along with severe PTSD, OCPD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I have Chronic Lyme Disease and am daily trying to manage the extreme pain in my bones and joints from that, while trying to explain to every medical professional under that sun that just because I was treated with antibiotics for two weeks after I tested CDC-positive for Lyme, that I am not "cured." Some listen. Much, much more education is needed on this subject, and it is intentionally being squelched. Very frustrating!
I probably have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but I'm waiting for genetic testing to rule it in or out, which takes up to a year for the appointment in these parts. I have hypermobility and am constantly having dislocations and subluxations, along with just about every other symptom up there - but fortunately, I am now blessed with a knowledgeable physical therapist and a stellar (and hot - see above) orthopedist who have many tricks up their respective sleeves to try and help a girl out.
And now, I also have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, but I'm now blessed with an ME/CFS specialist in Salt Lake City, whom I now see every other month or so, who has made it her life's work to care about those of us with this devastating illness.
And that's not even my whole list. So when someone (I believe from here, but I'm certainly not going to name names) tells me to "snap out of it," or when I get letters from my fng father telling me not to be a drain on society and make something of myself... well, it kinda breaks me. That is so soul-crushing. So, you guys, just don't do that to chronically ill people, okay? That is just not cool!
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Whew! That took me hours upon hours to do! Well, okay, I watched the Ellen DeGeneres Netflix special Relatable. And then the whole family sat down with me to watch the Netflix documentary What The Health? which everyone should totally watch, and they all - even JACK!!! - decided pretty much on the spot that we're all gonna be vegans now. I'm so excited about that. Okay, and then Chloë and I stayed up all night watching Titanic, and finally the girls and I just wrapped up Crazy Rich Asians, both on Amazon Prime Video. So I was a little distracted... Hee.
Long ago, after we first moved to Idaho in March 2017, I read that a lot of people with Lyme disease and autoimmune diseases - as I have both - find that their pain is the worst when there is a full moon. I have since found this to be true for me. But I have not kept track of the moon cycles or the rising tides since then... ;) I do keep track of my Good vs. Bad (and everywhere in between, including extremes) on Patients Like Me, and for the first time in eons, I've had three "good" days!! So I was thinking about that in the shower tonight, when I had a thought. "JACK!" I yelled to my son, the only other person home. I asked him to ask his phone ("Okay, Google...") what phase the moon is in right now. He told me it was the new moon. "I KNEW IT!" I shouted. So, there's that.
Saturday 9: I'm Gonna Put Some Glue 'Round the Christmas Tree (So Santa Will Stick Around All Year) (1954) Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) This week's featured songstress, Peggy King, sings that she'd like to extend the Christmas season all year. How about you? Do you wish the season was longer? Shorter? Or do you think things are fine as they are?
I think things are definitely fine right now. Our tree is up, but it's a new artificial one, and the branches haven't been completely "floofed" yet, as I say. The girls have tried lighting it, but it's all a big fail. For Team Odette, Christmas decorations can't go up until Thanksgiving is OVER, and I like them down by New Year's Day.
2) She specifically mentions toys. Have you purchased/will you purchase any toys as holiday gifts this year?
Well, since my kids are all teenagers, I thought we were kinda past the toy phase. But 13yo Sophia, who sold and/or gave away here entire (huge) Littlest Pet Shop collection in Miami, came to me recently and said she wanted to start collecting them again. Sheesh!! Kids! (She'll get a few.)
3) Search for "glue" on The Home Depot's website and you'll get more than 3,000 results. There's heavy-duty adhesives, all-purpose glue, clear epoxy, wood glue, and more. Do you currently have glue in your home? If yes, how many kinds?
We have about 50 Elmer's glue sticks, probably some Office Depot glue sticks, a couple bottles of regular Elmer's white glue, maybe some purple Elmer's glitter glue (crafty house, lol), some glue sticks (both big and small and for both warm and super-hot use), and several cans of spray adhesive. No "man glue," according to Rob.
4) What's the last thing you used glue for?
Personally, I used the spray adhesive in Miami for some art projects the girls and I did for our homeschool, Sweet Pea Academy. But the girls use it all the time. I could've sworn we had Gorilla Glue, but Rob still says no. lol
5) This week's featured artist, Peggy King, was a TV staple in the 1950s. With her perpetually upbeat persona, she was known as "Pretty, Perky Peggy King." Do you consider yourself upbeat, aka "perky?"
I mean... I have diagnoses including rapid-cycling Bipolar I with Psychosis, PTSD, OCPD, and severe Anxiety Disorder. So, I'm nothing and everything all at once?
6) Ms. King got her start singing radio jingles for Hunt's tomato sauce. Prepared tomato sauce, properly stored, can safely be kept in the refrigerator for days. Do you have any leftovers in your refrigerator right now?
Oh, gosh, yes. There are always leftovers in there. Speaking of which, I have to yell at Rob for not repackaging the two family-size things of chicken legs and several other packages of meat and freezing them. It's happened before that he's left them in the fridge too long, and they went bad. Gah!
7) Her biggest movie role was in Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955). Do you watch scary movies and shows all year around? Only at Halloween? Or not at all?
Not at all! I hate scary movies. My kids love them. They have to wait until I'm not home or sleeping to watch, though. ha!
8) In 1954, the year this record was released, President Eisenhower dedicated the Marine Corps. Iwo Jima Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery, just outside of Washington DC. If you were to play tourist in our nation's capital, what site would you be certain to visit?
When we lived in Virginia Beach, we visited Washington, D.C. multiple times. The first time I went, I was extremely pregnant with Sophia, and we did all kinds of touristy things. Chloë was 3½ years old, and Jack was 2, so they don't remember all that. My favorite thing was visiting Arlington National Cemetery, and the most meaningful moments there for me were when we sat for a while and watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns. Such incredible meaning goes into that whole monument.
9) Random question: Which of these common household items would you miss most if it suddenly went on the fritz -- your bedside lamp or your hair dryer?
I don't even know the last time I've used the hair dryer. It's probably in the girls' bathroom right now. Of course, I don't have a bedside lamp right now, either. The above lamp, from Target, is in the living room currently. I have no night table, either. Hate it!
~*~*~*~*~
So that's it for tonight. I'm watching Bob from Bob's Burgers fight with Jimmy Pesto right now, so forgive my crappy answers. I'm distracted! Blame the kids again. ;)
Hey, guys, welcome back! Between my computer continuously shutting off (and not saving my post) halfway through writing this, and not realizing all your beloved Typepad comments were going straight to Spam, I gave up on writing this last night and then forgot I didn't post. So this one will be a rare quickie from me, I think.
Link up here if you'd like to play along with us this week!
I like a nice, flowing boho skirt (I'm wearing a plum-colored one now, actually), and a flowing, loose boho top the best. I think I'd have made a great flower child. ;)
2: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
Rarely, unless I'm spending the night in the hospital, since everyone I'd get one from is usually right here with me
3: Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?
The last person I texted was Hubs, and we have done quite a lot of kissing. None yet today, though
4: When did I last hold hands?
Hubs and I hold hands whenever we're tooling around in the car anywhere. I'll probably hold his hand when I'm driving us to our family Seton Spot visit in a little while.
5: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
I like to start getting ready to go about an hour beforehand. That way I don't have to rush and can take my sweet time, because I tend to get dizzy, lose my balance, and fall. Last time I fell in the shower. I don't wish to repeat that experience!
6: Have I shaved my legs in the past three days?
It was probably three days ago exactly, but yeah.
7: Where am I right now?
I'm sitting on the couch of the living room, watching everyone get ready and the dog bark at the cat who thinks it's a good idea to run through the living room every now and again. This is a mischievous cat; my guess is she does it specifically to get the dog all riled up!
8: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
Hubs is really my very best friend. Everything I have to tell, I tell him. There are no secrets.
9: How often do I wear a fake smile?
I'm really horrible at inane small talk, so in a forced interaction like that, I probably do have one.
10: When was the last time I hugged someone?
Last night, Sophia (my 13yo youngest) put me to bed and then came in for a good squeeze. I usually stay up until I'm drop-dead exhausted, and by that point I'm usually well-confused and don't know well enough to get to bed on my own. It's a frustrating existing, but there it is. Anyway, Soph got the last hug.
11: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
Probably. I usually trust easily and often until it's obvious I shouldn't have. For a person of my age, I'm still quite naïve.
12: What is something I disliked about today?
I've been in physical therapy for three weeks, and I've now learned from it the reason why I've dealt with all my joints popping in and out of place my whole life: I have hypermobility/extra flexibility, and all those joints are loose. So the PT and I have been working on stabilizing the worst offenders: left shoulder, knees, ankles, and an upslip in my pelvis, and then strengthening those muscles. We've been using a variety of tools, like various stretches, kinesiology tape, cupping, ultrasonic massage, etc. Anyway, long story short is that the left shoulder has been dislocating all weekend, and I've been unable to get it to pop back in long enough to stabilize it with the KT tape.
13: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
I'd love to meet be Barack Obama and ask him a billion questions. It would be a pleasure and an honor.
14: What do I think about most?
Oh, God, I don't know. I think about anything and everything under the sun! My mind never stops racing, and then you had mania and caffeine to it - wow!
15: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
It completely depends on how much I weigh, which is sad.
16: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Oh, God, neither. I'd much rather text or email. Facebook Messenger is fine, too.
17: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Both are firmly in the realm of "I'll believe it when I see it" for me.
18: Do I believe in magic?
I don't think so.
19: Do I believe in luck?
I'm not sure. I think I lean toward "we create our own luck."
20: What's the weather like right now?
On this September 30th, it's a clear and sunny 81ºF here in Boise, Idaho.
21: What was the last book I've read?
To be honest, I haven't read a book in ages. I've got all kinds of books - even some I've borrowed and returned to the library without reading! - and my Kindle app is full of them... I just never give myself the permission to relax and read.
22: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
Yeah, I kinda do.
23: What was the worst injury I've ever had?
They're all emotional; I'm working through some deep stuff in therapy right now. Externally, it would probably be either opening up my last C-section incision two weeks later while doing Pilates way too early, or the time I fell through a bunch of mangrove prop roots on a Biology expedition in Miami and blamed it on a shark bite to my friends. It was really bad; some people even believed me!
24: Do I spend money or save it?
I'm very undisciplined when it comes to finances. I'm horrible at saving.
25: Can I touch my nose with my tongue?
Almost but not quite. Sophie can, though.
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Thanks for stopping by! I've got to run off to our Seton Spot, now.
I'm not saying this just to be heard. I'm not saying this because I need attention. I'm saying this because I need some personal, private space to put my thoughts sometimes, and this is my space.
I'm going through kind of a crossroads mentally right now.
I've been through many different therapists across, oh, four different states. But I'm finally at a place here in Boise, at this point in time, where I feel ready to carefully navigate my way through my awful past and maybe come to some sort of terms with it.
Right now, I have a great therapist. She's really amazing. She gets me, she understands me, she's comforting and soothing - she hugs me after a painful session! - and I think she is the one who has the right tools to get me through what I need to do, without completely driving me over the brink of insanity in the process.
Because that could definitely happen.
I've seen my psychiatrist at least a dozen times, probably more, in year and a half we've lived in Idaho. At every single visit, she's changed and tweaked my psychoactive meds, so that they're carefully in tune with what I need. She's still doing that, even just today, so we're treading carefully in my therapy sessions.
Anyway.
As of yesterday, we're using a tool called EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy.
It varies by therapist, but they basically do something to (with?) you that allows you both to work through some difficult and painful memories and then translate that to a better thought, a better idea in your head, that is much more peaceful to live with than the harmful You can visit that site I linked for a much better understanding, I'm sure, but that's kinda how I describe it.
My therapist, Terrie, asked me at the beginning of yesterday's EMDR session to tell me what it felt like when my mother had just died.
I told her that it felt like I was alone in a long, dark, empty corridor, calling for help.
And no one ever came.
They never did. No one ever came to help me, to comfort me, to love me, even to tell me WTF had just happened, to make any kind of sense of things in a way that a 7-year-old kid could begin to understand.
They still haven't come.
So fast-forward to just now. Rob and I were talking about a high school friend of mine, and her parents.
I realized, through the course of the conversation, that both of her parents - though divorced - always attended every concert in which she performed.
Every. Single. One.
And then I thought back to who came to my concerts.
I remember being dropped off.
More than once, when I was dropped off, I was very late and blubbering in tears.
And more than once, when I arrived late in tears, my whole chorus was lined up, and sometimes the whole band, and sometimes the whole orchestra too, to go on stage, and everyone would be there watching me arrive late in tears, as I tried to gather myself enough to appear and perform on stage.
Those are miserable memories.
It was embarrassing, and awful, and I would have given anything not to be there at that moment.
But not only that!
I couldn't remember any single concert or event where I was performing, when someone showed up for me.
The last time I had any kind of audience was when I was the Caterpillar in a fifth-grade production of Alice in Wonderland. My stepmother made me my costume, which admittedly was awesome and practically stole the show when I appeared onstage, but I suspect she came to see the costume in action rather than support my performance.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 6th grade.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 7th grade.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 8th grade.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 9th grade.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 10th grade.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 11th grade.
I was in multiple concerts for chorus in 12th grade.
No one ever came for me.
Not once.
Ever.
It felt exactly like I was calling for help in an empty corridor.
Welcome back! I'm hoping to get this post written before my migraine comes back, because it is a doozy. And I know it's coming back by its aura, which I'm getting because I just don't have enough health problems going on right now... :P
I have a set routine, and I always shampoo my hair first. 2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
It's brown!
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Sure, I guess I'd kiss Hubs again. ;)
4. Do you plan outfits?
Not usually, no. 5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Well, I've got this new kind of intractable migraine since a few months ago, even landing myself in the hospital for it this past Monday, and nothing helps. I've had three rounds of Botox to no avail, so I'm now considered a non-responder to that. And pretty much everything else. There's a new injection drug called Aimovig that I've just signed the paperwork to get, so I'm waiting to see if our insurance will approve it since it nears $10K a month. And I might get my tragus pierced. SOMEthing has got to help!
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Currently, that would be the giant bottle of Tylenol that I keep nearby at all times. Kinda makes sense, eh?
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I can't remember the reason, but my 13yo daughter Sophia was sorely pissed at me. She's hardly ever angry with me, and I felt fearful to see if she really was when I woke up! (She wasn't.)
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nah, not really. Wait, do cashiers and Customer Service reps count? Chloë and I went to PetSmart to get dog food, cat food, puppy pads (our two itty bitty doggos are pad-trained), and two NylaBones on clearance. Then we went to Kohl's to pick up an online order (I got a brand-new bra, three pairs of undies, and four bra hooks - to tighten the straps of my girls' brassieres - for under $23! Plus I bought a new set of measuring cups, since we lose some every time we move, on sale AND they gave me an additional military discount, AND I got $5 Kohl's Cash back for picking up the internet order. Sweet! And then we drove across the street to pick up two Target internet orders I placed a few days ago. It was the hardware for our window treatments. We've been here 17 months and still don't have proper curtains up! Until now.
9. What are you craving right now?
Cheap chocolate. Specifically, Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups - best chocolate under a dollar!
10. Do you floss?
Sometimes. I floss a lot more now that I've lost a filling. Gotta get that thing replaced!
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
I think of the cabbage soup diet! One of my BFFs from high school, Shana, introduced it to me in the mid-to-late 90s. I used it during my internship at Mote Marine Lab after college. Back then, the diet included lots of red meat - and I ate vegan then, so maybe that's why I failed? I loved the soup, though; it really was delicious!
12. Are you emotional?
Uh, you could say that. Just... slightly. ;)
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Definitely in Roman numerals...
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Usually, I lick. I prefer to savor.
15. Do you like your hair?
Not currently. It's too short to put up in a proper ponytail, and with 100°F heat, that's pretty annoying! But it's not as bad as Donald Trump's... thing... on his head, so yay!
16. Do you like yourself?
I find it difficult, but I do try to hold onto those things I do like about myself. 17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Yeah, I probably would. I wasn't a fan of his presidency, but the guy himself seems like he'd make an amiable dinner companion. He'd probably crack a lot of jokes. And I am proud of what his daughter Barbara has become, and I really enjoy watching her sororal twin Jenna on the Today show in the mornings, so yeah. Hey Dubya, call me!
18.What are you listening to right now?
I'm listening to - and watching - my 15yo son Jack play the Titan Fall II on the Xbox directly in front of me, and to my right, I'm also listening to our Chiweenie Tapioca chew on her new sirloin-infused Nylabone. She's going to town on it!
19. Are your parents strict?
I have no idea what parenting style my mom would have employed, but my dad and evil stepmother were at times Authoritarian and at times Uninvolved (which was called "Neglectful" instead, during studies of Child Development in college). I was raised in a completely different environment than the one in which I was raised. I try to be very Authoritative, with the occasional Permissiveness in between. 20. Would you go sky diving?
Not even if you paid me.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yeah, but only the 4% kind. I like to indulge now and then.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yeah, but not any huge A-listers. I helped Dave Barry, the humor columnist, numerous times when I worked at Publix all throughout college. Really nice guy. And I served ice cream to José Canseco and his lady friend once, when I worked at a gourmet ice cream shop before entering graduate school. Really not a nice guy - total douche!
23. Do you rent movies often?
Almost never. We have Amazon Prime, Netflix, and frequent freebie codes for the Redbox - and I almost never use any of them! What a shame. 24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
I had a hard time finding something sparkly instead of shiny - plenty of shiny! - until I looked down at my engagement ring. There we go! (Boy, do those rings need polishing!)
25. How many countries have you visited?
I've been to the USVI {St. Thomas only}, Puerto Rico, and Guam, but do those technically count, since they're US territories? I've also been to Canada multiple times as a kid; Mexico twice; Bahamas twice; Jamaica; Costa Rica; Panama; Cayman Islands; Spain; France; Monaco; Italy; Greece; and, Croatia. I think that's all of them. Not nearly as many as Hubs, though! 26. Have you ever made a prank phone call?
That may be the first (and only?) time I've posted a picture of actual feces on this blahg. I've made a prank or 17 in my day, but Hubs makes them to this day. We'll be driving along, whether around town or on long road trips, when we'll see a sign or the side of a van or something that inspires us. He manages to last quite a long time while I'm cracking up in the background. Maintains serious composure! One of the more memorable pranks was when he called different Home Depot stores around the country to ask if they sold, specifically, "horse shit." We were trying to find the most polite store, but somehow our quest got lost in the giggles!
27. Ever been on a train?
Numerous times! Both long-distance and also around big cities like Miami and Washington, DC. On one of the more memorable trips, my friend "Jenny From the Block" and I took our combined five kids from Virginia Beach to Richmond, Virginia, by train and back. That was pretty awesome. I would love to do a trip cross-country.
28. Brown or white eggs?
May I please have a combination? These are our very own eggs; I'm sure there's a more vibrant picture somewhere, but this was the first one I came across. We have five hens laying eggs at present, but I'm planning to add more to our flock in September. Of the five we have now: one lays nearly-white eggs, two lay brown eggs, and two are olive layers. I'm enamored of this whole chicken-keeping business! When I order a flat of chicks in September, I'm really hoping to get a rare layer of blue eggs. That would be so cool!
29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Of course - who doesn't nowadays?! All three kids and I acquired new Samsung Galaxy S9 smartphones in June; Hubs has the Galaxy S8 Active. I'm still learning all the tricks and secrets my phone possesses, but I'm already enamored of it!
30. Do you use chap stick?
Not necessarily the Chapstick™ brand, but I am an absolute lip balm fanatic! I always have at least one in the following locations: my purse, the dashboard pocket opening in the car, and my bathroom drawer (I probably have eleven in there). I've tried just about every kind. My very favorite is the kind that the St. Luke's hospital gives out to their patients. It's the best! But a very, very close runner-up are the three kinds from Young Living: Cinnamint, Lavendar, and Grapefruit. I love that last one!
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Phew! Finally finished that long one! Just in time. In addition to the headache, I'm nauseated, have blinding double vision, and heart palpitations. Good Lord, please help me and take this da** thing away!! :( :(
Sorry for the accidental lapse in self-control, there. Forgive me? I hope you'll all have a wonderful week. Forgive me if I'm physically unable to read your posts right now. I can barely see to write my own!
What's up, you guys?! You came back?! I'm so glad to see you here again. It brings me such joy. Now let's get busy with Sunday Stealing, which you can link up to here if you're so inclined.
Welp, that about sums it up! (Plus be intelligent about those stuffs.)
2. Something you feel strongly about
I'm vehemently anti-smoking and am not afraid to be vocal about it when confronted with the disgustingness in disallowed places. >:(
3. A book you love
I really love this book, and it had a very profound impact on me when I first read it, oh, 20+ years ago. I love it so much that I'm kind of embarrassed I have not read any of Douglas Adams' other books. Must remedy that!
4. Five pet peeves
A. I'm not a fan of lying anyway, but the obvious lies drive me fucking apeshit. I mean, just don't. Really. Don't.
B. People who do that ^^^ and then take eleventy billion years to make that right turn. Just freakin' GO already!!
C. I like my stuff to be exactly where I last left it. I like people to ask if they want to use something, and then actually return the thing in the same condition if they get permission. When things don't go that way - and they never go that way - I get a wee big pissy.
D. I can be very weird in that I love to be spontaneous, but I'm also a very careful planner. So when things don't go anywhere near the way I've taken my time and effort to carefully plan out, it irks me. Just a li'l bit.
E. People who don't clean up after themselves drive me crazy. My kids, therefore, drive me crazy. Arrrghhhh!!!
5. What you ate today
I have eaten`` sooo much candy today. Ridiculous amounts between yesterday and today. My girls and I have been at both days of Boise Pride Festival yesterday, and seriously, every booth was giving away candy. I am not supposed to have candy. But it's Pride, and so when in Rome... Also, I had some toast with organic blackberry jam when I got home. I'm not supposed to have any of that, either.
6. How important do you think education is?
On a scale of 1 to 10, it's definitely a 23 for me. Right now, since our budget is skimpy-tight, I'm running through all our options for 16-year-old Chloë to get a stellar education for pennies. Hello, scholarship people? Call me!
7. Five people you find attractive
A. Y'all know Matt Damon is my man. He's SO cute!!!
B. Jennifer Aniston can do no wrong in my eyes. She's a beaut!
C. Such the cutie is Mekhi Phifer!
D. Eva Longoria is just gorgeous, is she not?
E. Priyanka Chopra is stunning!
8. What you wore today
I wore a kind of "hippie bohemian" outfit, as I'm sure my dad would call it, both yesterday and today for the festival. And sandals. And a rainbow lei, rainbow pins and stickers, sapphire and all my Pandora flower rings, and carried a rainbow flag or seven everywhere we went! So much fun.
9. Something you always think “what if” about
This may sound horrible, coming from a mother, but I always "what if" this one to death: Before Rob and I got married, we were insistent with each other that when it came time to have kids, we wanted one-to-one replacement of ourselves; in other words, "two and only two kids, unless the second time it's twins." Well, the second time it was twins. But one twin, Robby, didn't make it past three days. And then our family did not feel complete with only two, because through that whole 7-month pregnancy, we imagined three babies. Three little ducklings, following their mama around. It didn't feel right anymore, with just two. And so, two years later, along came Sophia Lorelei, who is incredibly awesome in every way. But... what if Robby had lived?
10. Something you’re proud of
Speaking of our twins, this guy, Jack, is doing a superb job at his McDonald's gig. I couldn't be more proud of him. Nine weeks premature, disadvantaged and disabled in so many different ways, and I never thought he'd do as well as he has. But he's an outstanding kid and is beating all the odds. Way to go, Jack!
11. Five items you lust after
A. The KitchenAid pasta attachments set - ohmagarsh, I could make so much yummish with these!
B. Yarn. Very specifically, Artyarns cashmere yarn. Any color; so yummy. I actually had some once, to make myself this fuschia cashmere "Wisp":
...but I wore it to visit my sister in New York, and she loved it, so I gave it to her on the spot. That's what you do. That's what knitters do. And I'm glad I did it, because she seemed genuinely pleased. But oh, I love working with Artyarns cashmere!
I also made Rob this night watch cap with a Filatura Di Crosa cashmere/silk/merino blend, and that was lovely. But Artyarns is definitely my favorite. More, please! (P.S. I also adore all of their yarns, like the gorgeous beaded silks, but I could wax poetic about this all day. I shan't bore you with that anymore.)
C. A yellow Lamborghini Aventador because... duh. Look at it.
D. A chartreuse Vespa, because they are so adorably cute. I want one! I covet Vespas whenever I see one scootin' around. No joke, I would rock a Vespa. Please, santa?
E. A vacation in Tahiti. I need to be there. Married for 17 years and never had a trip to Tahiti. What the hell, Rob? Get on the ball, man!
12. Five words/phrases that make you laugh
Every single thing Rob says! ;)
13. A quote you try to live by
"Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty." Also, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
14. Something you like and dislike about yourself.
LIKE: Physically - my nose, and hands, and feet, are all tiny and cute (so I'm told). Personality - I feel like I'm very supportive and loving and inclusive of all peoples.
DISLIKE: Physically - The rest of my body. It is not a thin one, and I honestly wish I were a 99-lb waif. Never gonna happen. Personality - Oh, where do I start? There is so plenty much. Years of abuse will do a lot of damage to a person.
15. A problem that you have had
I've been having cognitive problems. They don't show up as much in my writing (or so I think), because I'm able to stop and think, and backspace, and correct things before I post them. But it's evident to others and it's very evident to me that something is very wrong. I have an evaluation scheduled on November 30th; we're pushing to have it brought up much sooner than that. :(
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Welp, on that note, I'm going to eat my baked potato and think about things. Have a lovely weekend remainder!
Hey, guys. I realize I missed you all on Sunday Stealing this week, but I have a good (hospital-related) excuse. It has been a hellish week every single day since then, and I am only barely able to keep my mood stable and remotely upbeat, so I can't predict what kind of mood I'll take when answering these questions that I haven't even read yet. We'll see... let's go!
1) In this song, four friends congregate on Main Street to look longingly at pretty girls. In your town, where is the best place for people watching?
Well. I know I'm (a) super-biased and (b) new in town, but I love people watching best when my children are there. When it comes to my children, whom I helped create, I'm infatuated and definitely have a staring problem! But it doesn't just come down to that. I love watching the people around my kids, too, because watching strangers do odd things completely fascinates me!
4) The Four Lads always wore jackets and ties when they performed. Do you enjoying dressing up? Or would you rather keep it casual?
I like dressing up. I was almost always dressed up in Miami. Since we've moved here, I've inexplicably put on a bunch of weight, so now I'm all frumpy and slouchy in sweat pants and tees all the time. I hate it. I'm looking forward to taking off the weight in time for summer and getting back to my cute little dresses again!
5) While this song was a hit for The Four Lads, they were completely overshadowed in 1956 by Elvis Presley and "Heartbreak Hotel." Who do you think dominates today's music scene?
I believe that honor clearly belongs to "Queen Bey," Beyoncé.
6) The Wizard of Oz aired on TV for the first time in 1956. Sam was never crazy about those flying monkeys. Tell us about something that frightened you when you were a kid.
I was terrified of roller coasters and never went on them, as opposed to my fearless older sister, Stacey. I've gone on a bunch now - but I still have to be begged and pleaded into going!
7) What scares you now?
This insane gun-crazy society I find myself living in, in 2018 United States. It's disgusting.
8) Since this week's song is about pretty girls: 1956's Miss America was Sharon Ritchie of Colorado. Today Colorado has the distinction of being the home of more microbreweries than any other state in the union. Which are you most particular about -- your beer, your wine, or your coffee?
Well, I like some wine, but I really don't know enough about it except that I know what I like. So not that. With coffee, I'm definitely most particular; I have to doctor up my java until it's pretty much no longer recognizable as a coffee product (Splenda instead of sugar, please, for health requirement reasons). Incidentally, Idaho has quite a beer scene going in its own right. We have a store, Brewer's Haven, right down the street that caters to the microbrewing population around Boise. We go there on occasions on Wednesday evenings for their free beer tasting nights. I'm learning a lot about beer as a result, and I'm homing on my preferences, for sure!
9) Random question: We all have small, irritating habits, like soup slurping or not replacing the cap on the toothpaste. What's your nasty little habit?
Well, I pride myself on personal hygiene, and so I try not to have any nasty little habits. I'm sure I do have a few, though, including that, when nothing resembling a tissue is handy, I'm not above wiping my runny nose on my sleeve! Haha, what a funny question! I can't wait to read the other responses to this.
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Thanks, Crazy Sam, for a fun little meme. I enjoyed it. Happy Saturday, all!
Hi, everyone! I'm going to do this week's and last week's Sat9s together, so bear with me. I wasn't able to participate last week because I was again in the hospital with pneumonia, and I missed you guys! But I'll do the current week's edition first. Link up here if you want to play along this week!
1) This song is about a special Easter hat to be worn with your "Sunday best." Will you be getting dressed up this weekend?
Throwback to Easter 2015 or 2016 in Miami, Florida - when I could still get away with dressing the kids like that! ;)
We'll probably dress up, but not too fancily. Our church is pretty casual, but I still want to look nice for this major holiday in our religion. No more matchy-matchy for the kids, though. Fifteen-year-old Jack would never wear a bowtie for me again, and forget about dresses on Sophia! I might see if we can cook up some fun duds from our awesome local thrift shop, ReStyle, on Friday or Saturday.
2) Judy Garland's partner in this movie was supposed to be Gene Kelly, but he was unavailable because he broke his ankle playing volleyball. Have you ever lost a big opportunity because of a medical issue?
A lot, actually. Most recently, while I was stuck in the hospital desperately wanting to be at Sophia's first Idaho showjumping entry, her dad was there taking care of everything for her. It broke my heart not being there for my kid. That's my job!! I cried a lot that day in the hospital, and I cried again tonight editing the pictures Rob took from it.
3) Garland later confessed that, at first, she would have preferred Kelly because she knew him well and was intimidated by Fred Astaire. By the end of filming, she found she enjoyed Astaire a great deal. Can you think of a friend with whom you had a rocky relationship at the beginning?
Several! When my son Jack turned a year old, I joined a community of moms online at what we now affectionately call "p.com." I hit it off with a bunch of the moms right away, but with many others, of course, we rubbed each other the wrong way. Fast-forward 14 years, and I'm still friends with quite a number of moms in both camps on Facebook. And I've met a few in real life, too.
4) This song was inspired by New York City's Easter Parade. Does your community host a similar event?
I wish, just so I could have a good excuse to rock a kick-ass bonnet like this one! ;) But there are a number of Easter egg hunts to attend, and one is a night-time flashlight egg hunt geared just for the teenagers. Oh yeah, you know I'm dragging my three teens there!
5) The biggest chocolate Easter egg was made in Italy, measured 34 feet tall and weighed a staggering 15,000 lbs. Do you thinks it's possible to have too much chocolate?
Pre-gastric bypass nine years ago, I would have said "no way" to the idea of too much chocolate. Now, however, I have just gotten sick off eating a Nestlé and, well, also a Nestlé 100 Grand bar in quick succession. Was it worth it? Hard to say. Maybe not. But if it were one of the now-extinct Lindt Peanut Butter Lindor Truffles, I'd eat them by the fistful. Damn shame they discontinued those delicious confections. Yesterday, I discovered the Dove® Peanut Butter Eggs are a satisfying substitute. I ate the whole bag. Sorry, kids. At least I saved one more bag for their Easter baskets. And yes, I do still make Easter baskets for my teenagers. So? :p
6) Jelly beans are also popular this time of year. A 2013 poll tells us that red is by far the favorite jelly bean color, with yellow a distant second. Do you have a preference?
I have never, ever in my entire life been a fan of jelly beans. I do, however, enjoy the various flavor names of Jelly Belly® jelly beans!
And have you ever heard of the game BeanBoozled by Jelly Belly®? It's so funny: you divvy up a box of mystery jelly beans and then, long story short, when it's your turn to eat one, you don't know if it'll be yummy or a gross flavor! We've played it as a family twice. I think I actually sat it out both times to play shutterbug, but I remember one of the yucky flavors was "Dead Fish," and another was "Stinky Socks"!!! How nasty is that?! Ha. So funny. Would probably be a good drinking game, too... ;)
7) We've been talking a lot about sweets this morning. The only holiday that generates more candy sales is Halloween. When do you eat more candy: Easter or Halloween?
8) Easter is considered the season of rebirth. What makes you feel refreshed or rejuvenated?
A good nap. And nowadays, I take one nearly every day. Sometimes two. Occasionally three. Eating generally makes me tired. It's supremely annoying.
9) This year, April Fool's Day happens to coincide with Easter Sunday. Do you expect to fall victim to any pranks this weekend?
Probably. I have three naughty kiddos and an even naughtier husband, so I don't expect to get away from Sunday unscathed by pranks. I have, however, cooked up what I hope is a humorous scheme to be carried out by my two daughters. More on that after Sunday...!
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And now, since I missed last week's fun due to being stuck in the f*****g hospital once again, I'm gonna do it now. And you will read it, and ye shall enjoy. The link is here if you're wanting to make a late entrance to that party with me, too.
1) This video begins outside a convenience store with a sign advertising beer, produce, lotto and an ATM. Will you buy beer, produce or a lotto ticket this weekend? Will you visit an ATM?
I will be visiting an ATM this morning, or Saturday morning at the latest, for sure. I might buy some beer for Hubs' Easter basket (I'm making him one for the first time this year, because I'm fun, weird, and random like that). I'll definitely buy a ton of produce, since it's time for my monthly grocery shopping haul time, and being semi-vegetarian, produce is kinda required! Hubs likes lotto scratch-off tickets, so there may be some of that going on, too. Haven't decided yet.
2) As the video progresses, fountain drinks and donuts are consumed. When you stop for a snack during a road trip, what do you usually grab?
For me, there will definitely be a Diet Coke® involved. (If you're into these, have you tried the new special flavors yet? I've obviously had the regular kind, and I've also tried Twisted Mango and Zesty Blood Orange. They were yummy, and I don't normally like mango anything! I'm still getting around to the Ginger Lime and Feisty Cherry varieties. Anyway...) It may actually involve either a ginormous fountain Diet Coke, or if that's not available, about four 20-oz bottles of Diet Coke®. I sip constantly and don't like stopping every 20 minutes, y'know? As far as snacks go, that can vary widely for me but now that Sabra has those hummus and pretzel cups, I might get one of those and or a couple of mozzarella cheese sticks. That was a pretty involved answer, so I'll spare you what the other four members of Team Odette might get! (Except to say that for Jack, Pepperidge Farm® Cheddar Goldfish® crackers are a given.)
3) The lyrics reference "a river of champagne." When did you last enjoy a spot of the bubbly?
Well, I bought two bottles of champagne for Christmas, but I was in the hospital for that day. So then I decided we should have it on New Year's Eve instead, right? But I was back in the hospital for that day, too. Finally, on Take Three, we had our champagne on our 17th anniversary: January 2nd, 2018. Must have been in the cards! I think that was the last time I have imbibed in any way.
4) The end of the video features sci-fi/horror images. Is that a genre you enjoy? If not, what kind of books do you read most often?
That's a flat-out "no." I don't like either sci-fi very much or, especially horror. I loathe it. Jodi Picoult is my favorite author, but I'm behind on reading her books. Maybe I'll hit up the library this weekend and rent one I haven't read before. My mother-in-law turned me on to Jodi years ago (first-name basis because we're cool like that), and I'm so glad she did!
5) The trio that makes up The Dreamers are dyed-in-the-wool New Yorkers. If you could live in any city or village in the world, would you move or stay right where you are?
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, before I got married and became a mom, it was absolutely on my Bucket List to live in a chic Manhattan apartment for at least a year. That'll probably never happen now. I don't know if I'd move from Boise without very good reason right now, but there are still plenty of cities I would want to visit for a lengthy run. Tokyo, Paris, Sydney, Prague... just a few names that come to mind. I love frequent changes of scenery!
6) The Dreamers describe themselves as "impractical." What about you? Do you consider yourself practical or impractical?
I'm maybe an even mixture of both. And I'm a proud idealist, much more so than a realist. I'm an optimist by nature, rarely a pessimist except when my Bipolar Disorder leads me to a more depressed side (specifically, lately, when it comes to my health). But rose-colored glasses? I'll take all the pairs.
7) They also won't "listen to those who doubt" them. Sometimes we find the ones who doubt us most are ourselves. What about you? Are you confident, or do you suffer from self-doubt?
I've been very self-conscious my whole life. It's irritating. I've been in therapy for a number of years and still haven't found the key to building up my own confidence. Not that I'll give up; I'm just not there yet, frustratingly enough...
8) Do you often remember your dreams?
I remember certain dreams more than others; usually the recurrent ones stick with me. I often dream about flying; I have my whole life. Those are usually my favorite, except for the ones where I'm flying away from something to escape a scary situation. Often, though, I'll forget the dream but remember the impact on my mindset for the entire day.
9) Random question: Would you rather get $100 today, or $250 on this date a year from now?
Circumstances exist that lead me to go for the instant-gratification answer. Gimme the $100 bucks, por favor!
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So, that was fun, and now I'm done. More later; I have so many posts I'm behind on and never get to for one reason or another. Tonight, though, I am determined!
Welcome back, everyone! It's still early afternoon Saturday here, so I'm right on time, if not early, yes? This week, Crazy Sam chose "Danny Boy" in honor of St. Patrick's Day today. Haven't heard it before? I lovethis version; we sang it a capella when I was in choir in high school, too, so I love the tune and think it's a fitting choice for the day!
"Danny Boy" was selected in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Unfamiliar with this week's song? Hear it here.
1) This is a sad song of farewell. Who is the last person you said "goodbye" or "so long" to?
Well, I'm sure there are better or more recent examples, but when we left Miami one year + one week ago, we said a lot of good-byes. I think the hardest hit person was our 12yo equestrian, Sophia, who left behind the horses and her people-y friends at Miami International Riding Club. She met her best friend in the entire world, Helaina, there. But the good news is, she's found a new barn (and is riding right this minute, actually), and Helaina and her family also just moved West - to Seattle! It's not the shortest trip in the world, but it's definitely doable. She's so excited!
2) According to the 2000 Census, Massachusetts is the state with the largest percentage of residents of Irish descent. Have you ever been to The Bay State?
I was going to say no, but then I remembered that my mother took me up to Boston when I was very little, maybe four or five years old, on the train. We visited the Mother Church of my then-religion, Christian Science. I don't remember anything about that trip except riding the train and that my mother, who didn't wear a watch, asked a stranger on the sidewalk if he had the time. I had no understanding of what that question meant at that time.
3) "The wearing o' the green" is one way to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Will you wear something green in honor of the day?
I was going to wear a green shirt, but it's rainy and 38 degrees out, and that shirt is short-sleeved. I'm already sick. So no. I've got on purples and blues.
4) What color makes you look best?
I insist red is my color.
5) Will you drink something green in honor of the day (like a Shamrock shake or a green beer)?
I think I may have had green beer once in my life before, in Sarasota, Florida, when I was out at a bar with friends for St. Pat's day. I was doing my fisheries internship at Mote Marine Lab there. Anyway, no, I don't see any need to repeat the experience!
6) A four-leaf clover is considered good luck. Do you have a lucky charm?
I'm not very suspicious and don't have any good luck charms, but... I do pick up pennies when I find them. One could always use a little help!
7) Though she's singing an Irish ballad, this week's featured artist, Joni James, is of Italian heritage. Can you think of a song as identified with Italy as "Danny Boy" is with Ireland?
The first song that came to mind was "That's Amore."
8) Soda bread and potato bread are popular in Ireland. Are there any rolls or bread in your kitchen right now?
Are you kidding me? With three teenagers in the house, they'd starve if I didn't keep us well-stocked in milk and cereal, and bread and sammich stuff. There is tons of bread in our kitchen (most of it in the deep freezer).
9) Ireland is known for its whiskey. Do you enjoy Irish coffee (black coffee, whiskey and whipped cream)?
I've never had it. I don't guess I probably will; with all the medications I'm on now, I strongly limit my alcohol intake. However...
...when the (MIRC) horsey moms and I went out to Coconut Grove to watch the movie Bad Moms came out, we all went out drinking afterward. Someone gave me a shot of Jack Daniel's Black whiskey. I liked it so much, I had another. That was my first and only experience with whiskey thus far. So you never know about the coffee. ;)
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That's it for me. Thanks for stopping by, and happy St. Paddy's Day if you're celebrating! Please be safe out there.
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